When Darkness Turns To Light

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 21

2011-10-15T17:39:00.000+11:00

21. Eighteen Candles

Nick and I step out of the cab in front of the club and walk straight to the front of the line.
‘Hey, I’m Elsie,’ I say to the bouncer. ‘It’s my birthday party tonight.’
‘Ah, happy birthday, darling,’ he says, handing me a stack of drink cards. ‘You and anyone on your guest list are allowed admission to the entire second floor.’
‘Thank you.’ I smile and enter, Nick following close behind me.
People all start piling in pretty quickly and I’m happy almost everyone I know is in the one room. They keep coming up to me and giving me hugs and kisses and drinks.
‘Happy birthday Elsie!’ Bonnie calls out, hugging me and giving me a glass of something pink and toxic-smelling.
See?
Sam, Nick and I are sitting in a booth, drinking and surveying the room. Electro music is playing extremely loudly and aside from these beams of green light, the second floor of this club is completely dark.
‘Having fun, Els?’ Sam asks me over the music, looking down at his phone again.
I nod.
Finn suddenly runs over to us. ‘Elsie,’ he exhales, leaning down to kiss me. ‘I’m sorry I’m late. I had to wait for my parents to go to sleep so I could sneak out.’
Finn’s been grounded since his birthday party. His dad isn’t doing a very good job of reinforcing it though; Finn’s probably been out more in the past month than he has, well, ever.
‘Oh, and I’m sorry I couldn’t get you the ballroom for tonight.’
I shake my head. ‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘Looks like this party’s better than it could’ve been at the Wakefield, anyway,’ Nick comments. ‘No offence,’ he adds to Finn.
Sam stands up and walks away.
I down the rest of my drink and move on to the free champagne the club has given me for my birthday, trying not to look at him.
Bren comes over to our booth and leans on the wall, resting her arm on Nick’s shoulder.
‘Happy birthday, Elsie,’ she says, smiling. ‘Great party.’ Then she pulls Nick onto the dance floor.
I turn to look at Finn, but he’s staring at something on the other side of the club.
‘Carolyn Warner is looking awfully lonely tonight,’ he muses.
‘No, Finn,’ I scold, grabbing his arm. ‘You can not leave me alone on my birthday.’
He glances at me. ‘I’m not leaving you alone. Sam’s around. And I’m sure Kristyna’s here too… Besides, everyone here is here just for you.’
I glare at him as he starts to walk over to Carolyn, who is sitting by herself in another booth.
‘Elsie, come dance with us!’ Tayla calls out to me.
I go over to her and Bonnie. We’re jumping up and down and for a split second, when I spin around, I see two people making out next to a speaker.
I can’t see the girl, but the guy looks an awful lot like…
‘Sam.’
‘What?’ Tayla yells at me.
I nod over at the couple in the corner.
‘What the hell?’ Bonnie asks.
I walk over to them and tap Sam on the shoulder.
He pulls himself away from Kristyna and stares at me.
‘Elsie,’ Kristyna’s lips say beyond the music.
Sam turns away from her to look at me. ‘I’m so –’
It’s like someone else’s hand is colliding with his face, but somehow, that hand is connected to me. I don’t even feel my skin making contact with his cheek. The music seems to be thumping louder now, but no one’s dancing any more.
‘Holy shit,’ I hear Nick mutter.
Sam steps forward. ‘Look –’
‘Get out.’
‘What?’
‘Both of you. Get out. Now.’
Sam stares at me, shocked.
I fold my arms. ‘This is my birthday party. And I’m not going to have people who lied to me and betrayed me on my birthday here. So get out.’
I follow them out of the club and watch them get in a cab together, my arms still folded over my chest.
Outside a bunch of people are loitering around, a few from my party. Two guys from my Music class are sitting on the kerb, smoking up and holding hands.
Finn’s fingers reach for mine and Nick puts his arm around my shoulders.
He sighs. ‘Why do these things always happen at birthday parties?’

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 20

2011-03-18T17:06:00.000+11:00

20. Evil Stepfather

When I wake up to find Sam sleeping next to me in the car, I realise that this falls under the category of aforementioned “fucking bad mornings-after”. But before I have time to properly think things through, my phone starts ringing.

Kristyna Thomas

Oh crap.
I sit up in the car and hold the phone tentatively to my ear. ‘Hey, Kris, what’s up?’
‘Hey,’ she says slowly. ‘Okay…um… I kind of have a problem…’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Okay…this is kind of awkward…’ she mutters. ‘Okay, it’s Sam.’
I frown. ‘… What’s…? What’s wrong?’ I ask again.
‘Okay, we’re not officially going out, but we’re…we’re supposed to be. Um, we wanted to sort things out at Finn’s last night, but I couldn’t find him when I got there and then I ran into you and… I guess I got kind of scared – I’m so sorry – but I think he left, and when I called him last night, his phone went straight to voicemail. He’s just been really distant – really hard to reach – lately and I’m so sorry for calling you, but I don’t know what to do and I couldn’t tell anyone else because I was afraid they’d judge me too much because…you know…because you’re my best friend you’re Sam’s ex.’
I look over at Sam, sleeping with his pants open and singlet pushed up to his chest, limbs splayed.
‘Elsie? You there?’
I blink. ‘Yeah. So.’ I pull my dress on awkwardly. ‘So Sam and you are…together.’
‘Yes.’ Pause. ‘I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you. But we were just seeing each other, and he said he wanted to talk to me, so I think we’re kind of…getting serious, I suppose.’
‘Mm-hm…’
‘But now I don’t know.’
‘Mm-hm…’
‘Are you mad?’
Am I mad? I shouldn’t be. I sort of gave them permission to date each other anyway. But last night… Sam never even mentioned it. ‘Um, no. I don’t think I’ve got any real defence for being angry about it.’
‘Elsie, I know you. This isn’t something you would let go –’
‘If you guys are starting to get serious then I’ve got nothing to hold on to,’ I interrupt her. ‘Now, are you okay?’
‘Okay, I am a bit worried.’ Pause. ‘But I really like Sam and I think things could go somewhere and… So what should I do?’
I fiddle with the spaghetti straps of my dress, adjusting them on my shoulders. ‘I’m sure he has a reasonable explanation. I mean, it’s Sam. He doesn’t…’ I look over at him again, as he starts to stir in his sleep. ‘He doesn’t normally do things like that.’
Kristyna sighs. ‘Okay, yeah. I’m sure everything’s fine. I’ll just call him again. And… Elsie… Thanks for being so cool and all that.’
I bite my lip. ‘Yeah… It’s okay. I’ll talk to you later.’
She hangs up. I sit, staring at the screen of my phone.
‘Hey.’ Sam rubs his eyes and stretches. ‘Who was that?’
I stare out the window. ‘Kristyna.’
He sits up suddenly. ‘Elsie, I –’
‘You haven’t actually talked to her, have you?’
He sighs. ‘No.’
‘I can’t believe this,’ I say, opening the door and getting out of the car.
‘Elsie, what are you doing?’
‘Going home.’ I slam it shut.
He gets out of the other side. ‘Elsie!’ He grabs my arm. ‘Look, it’s only because I haven’t had a chance to tell her. And I wanted to be with you right away. I can’t stand not being with you. I love you.’
It starts to feel really cold as he says that, and I get goose bumps, which is odd considering the sun is shining so brightly.
‘But… Then…why did you dump me for Kristyna?’
‘I didn’t dump you for her –’
‘You asked her out during summer. One month after we’d broken up.’
‘Look, I never liked Kristyna,’ he says.
I turn to look at him.
‘My mother forced me into dumping you for her,’ he says with a sigh. ‘You know what my mum and my stepdad are like – he will never let her give up on anything she wants. And she really wanted me and Kristyna to end up together. So I had to break up with you. It’s the same reason I didn’t do the Deb with you.’
I narrow my eyes at him. ‘Why the hell would you do that?’
He sighs. ‘My…mother threatened to cut me off.’
‘I can not believe how materialistic you are.’
He scoffs. ‘You can’t judge me. You know you would have done the same thing if Daddy Dickson had threatened to take away your car, your credit card, and any other privilege you had or could ever have.’
‘No,’ I say bluntly, shaking my head. ‘No. I wouldn’t have.’
He folds his arms. ‘Alright. What would you have done, then?’
‘If I were you? I would’ve gone to my father. Remember your father?’
Sam’s father has always treated him like royalty, giving him an endless amount of money and buying him whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He never told us the number, but we always assumed that Sam’s trust fund would exceed all of ours, maybe even Finn the Hotel Heir’s.
The thing is, money is the only way Sam’s dad communicates with him. He grew up in London and moved back there after the divorce. Since then he hardly sees Sam, except for the occasional birthday or Christmas when one of them visits the other, but Sam’s mum hardly allows it. Really the only fatherly duty he’s ever done is given Sam money.
‘Dad is in a whole other country. Sixteen thousand kilometres away, remember?’ he asks mockingly.
‘Sam, I –’
‘Look, I had no choice.’
‘But you do have feelings for her.’
‘But I love you.’
I shake my head. ‘I don’t think that’s enough any more, Sam. You can’t just say you love me and expect it all to be peachy. You lied to me. You traded me in for money, for fuck’s sake –’
‘You don’t understand, Elsie. I’m not… I’m not smart like you or Nick, and I don’t have my father’s reputation to fall back on like Finn. Money is all I have. If I don’t have money I won’t be able to survive in the world.’ He sighs. ‘When we graduate, I know I’m not going to get into any good uni without paying full-fee. Like I said, I didn’t –’
‘Stop.’
He stares at me, his eyebrow dinted, mouth half-open.
‘I do love you,’ I say slowly. ‘But I can’t…do…this. If you want to be supported by your mum and your “evil stepfather”, it’s okay, I mean, it makes sense. But it’s too complicated for us to be together.’
He just blinks.
‘You went out with me for more than a year. You dumped me for Kristyna so your mother would keep giving you money. Things weren’t official with Kristyna and you let her think they were. You hadn’t cleared things up with her and then you cheated on her with me.’
I wait for his reaction: a slow hand running through his hair.
‘I love you,’ I say, trying my hardest not to take all of this back and throw myself into his arms. ‘But you have to admit things are kind of fucked up.’
He nods. ‘So…where does that leave us?’
I shrug, looking straight at him. His eyes are kind of glazed over, and I’m guessing mine probably are too. ‘Just sort yourself out first.’
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, holding me against his chest, my cheek rubbing against the cotton of his singlet, his arms tensing for just a second. He’s warm and he smells faintly of the cologne he was wearing last night, mingled with sweat. Then, touching the side of my face, he leans down and kisses me softly. And we let go.

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 19

2011-03-10T17:07:00.000+11:00

19. Eyelash Wishes

‘I can’t believe he did that!’ I say, laughing loudly.
Sam throws his head back, gasping in his laughter.
Sam’s got the now-lukewarm champagne bottle in between his legs, and we’re laughing at a story about some dude from one of Sam’s classes but I can’t remember who or what so I guess I can’t tell you, even though I know it was really funny. My body is feeling very warm from the champagne and everything’s a little fuzzy, and I think Sam and I are sitting closer together than we were before.
Sam hands me the champagne bottle and I take a gulp, leaving a few sips in the bottom for him.
He swallows, staring at me. ‘Elsie? I need to tell you something,’ he whispers, fiddling with the label of the bottle.
I smile, lean against him. ‘Yeah?’
‘Sometimes… Well, all the time, actually…’ He sighs and looks right at me. ‘I miss you.’
I stare at him, starting to pull myself away. ‘Sam…’
‘Please don’t be mad. I –’
I groan. ‘Kristyna…like, she likes you so much.’
‘But I don’t want to be with her! We. Are. Not. Together.’
I roll my eyes. ‘Jesus, Sam, you don’t have to talk to me like I’m retarded.’
He stares at me.
I sigh.
‘I got your present,’ he says, sitting up.
‘What?’
‘That shirt I was wearing on the night of Deb… The one that I gave to you the next morning? Don’t act like you don’t remember giving it back to me – as a present for my birthday?’
I stare at the floor of his car.
‘You love that shirt. And I gave it to you to keep,’ he continues. ‘And now that you’re telling me to give it to some other girl I’m… I’m finally realising that I’ve lost you.’
I raise an eyebrow at him.
‘And I can’t take it. I still love you.’ He leans in, not taking his eyes off me.
I’m shivering, and I don’t want to look at him but I can’t do it, I can’t –
He reaches up to my face. ‘You have an eyelash,’ he whispers, touching my cheek. ‘Make a wish.’
Then he kisses me – controlled, comfortable, familiar kisses – his fingers tangled in my hair. I can taste the champagne in his mouth but this feels too right to worry about that. I hold onto him tightly, breathe in the smell of his Ralph Lauren cologne. I’m pulling myself closer to him and gripping his waist. He gently lifts me up onto his lap, still kissing me, breathing in deeply through his nose, and he starts to slowly run his hand up my leg.

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 18

2011-02-25T21:16:00.000+11:00

18. No Heir
Sam pulls into the back parking lot of the Wakefield, right next to a shiny new Lexus.
‘See, this is exactly what your mum was always talking about,’ I say.
‘What?’
‘You’re parked right next to Chase; your car looks like a pile of scrap metal next to his Lexus.’
‘Hey, don’t bag the car!’ he jokes.
‘Sorry,’ I say, holding up my hand. ‘Just thought you ought to know that your car looks like crap.’
‘Oi!’ he yells. ‘I drove you here and I am forgoing my will drink so that you don’t have to take a greasy cab home –’
‘But you’re drinking tonight,’ I say, laughing.
He laughs.
I guess in all the drama of Sam and Kristyna hooking up, and everything being complete chaos, I’d forgotten how much fun I used to have with Sam, and exactly what it was about him that I missed – just this stuff, teasing each other, laughing. Without any of the drama in between.
‘So…’ he says slowly, ‘are we okay?’
I nod. ‘We’re okay.’

-

It is exactly nine when we walk in, and some random guy runs right into me.
‘Jesus Christ!’ I yell out.
‘Hey, man, get off of her!’ Sam yells, pulling him off.
The guy seems to forget the whole incident pretty quickly, and stumbles out into the lobby.
The ballroom is completely dark, except for these bright flashing lights scattered about everywhere. There’s only one row of tables, against the wall, covered in bottles of champagne and confetti.
It’s already pretty crowded but we can see Finn jumping up and down in the middle of the dance floor, on account of the fact that he is the only one wearing a white suit – a white suit that glows under UV lights.
‘Finn!’ I call out to him as we weave our way through the crowd.
‘Hey!’ he practically screams, running at us and hugging us both. ‘You guys having fun?’
Sam nods.
‘Great turnout,’ I say, staring around at all the strangers.
‘Let’s get drunk!’ he urges, pulling us towards the tables.
‘Seems like he’s pretty wasted already,’ I comment to Sam.
He laughs. ‘Well, it is his eighteenth.’
Finn grabs a bottle of champagne and smashes it against the wall.
‘Yeah baby!’ he yells, holding up the jagged top half of the bottle.
‘Drink?’ Sam asks, holding up two glasses.
‘Oh yeah.’
Bonnie, from my music class, appears next to me, pouring herself some champagne and talking to Tayla Anderson, one of her friends.
‘Hey, Bonnie,’ I say.
‘Oh hi Elsie! You guys having fun?’
I nod.
‘Do you want another drink?’ she asks.
‘Okay.’ I hold out my glass. ‘Hey, have you seen Nick tonight? Nick Lonsdale?’
She nods and points to the dance floor, where Nick is already dancing with some brunette chick.
I laugh. ‘Who’s the girl?’
‘Um, she’s from our Chem class. I totally can’t remember her name,’ Tayla says, readjusting her strapless dress.
Bonnie finishes her drink and says something to Tayla. ‘We’re going to go dance, you coming?’
I look over at Sam, who grins and nods at me, taking my hand.
The dance floor has become really crowded, forcing us to dance uncomfortably close to each other.
Sam’s hand is on my waist and I’m shivering as I move in closer to him.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to see Nick standing behind me.
‘Hey, you guys want to…get some fresh air?’
We all move off the dance floor. Nick grabs a bottle of champagne before we walk towards the balcony.
‘Hey, look,’ Nick mutters.
We all turn to see Finn stepping into an elevator with two girls. He’s kissing one of them, and the other is draped over his shoulders.
Sam laughs. ‘Looks like he’s having a good birthday.’
The air outside is cool and the balcony looks out over the back of the hotel, where the pool is illuminated by lights inside it.
Nick starts rolling himself a joint. ‘Carter gave me this stuff last night; I haven’t tried it yet.’ He hands it to Sam, who lights it and takes a drag.
‘Hmm… Not bad.’
‘Yeah?’ Nick asks, as Sam passes it to me.
‘So Nick… Who’s the girl?’ I ask, giving him the joint.
‘Bren Baxter,’ he says. ‘She’s in Chem. She’s been in love with me for forever.’
Sam laughs and drinks from the champagne bottle.
‘Actually, I wonder what she’s doing now…’ Nick peers inside.
Sam smiles at me over the bottle and I take another drag from the joint.
‘Oh shit!’ Nick yells.
‘What?’
‘Finn’s dad!’
I lean over to see that Finnegan Wakefield II, whose face we always see on television during business reports, has stepped into the ballroom.
I hastily stab the joint out on the ledge of the balcony and follow the boys inside.
‘Hello, Mr Wakefield,’ Sam greets Finn’s dad.
‘Hello, Samuel. Nicholas, Elsie,’ he adds.
‘Hello, sir,’ we murmur.
He stares out across the ballroom. ‘I came to oversee Finnegan’s birthday celebrations. It is quite a party he’s having…’
‘Yeah, sir…’ Sam mutters. ‘But, er, we –’
A blonde girl, completely off her face, comes running at Sam, grabbing onto him and giggling.
He laughs nervously and glances at Mr Wakefield.
‘Oh my god,’ she says, still giggling. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Sam tries to steady her, but as he does, her face contorts and she throws up a little on his chest. ‘For fuck’s sake!’ he yells.
‘I’m so sorry…’ she moans, walking away. ‘I am so sorry.’
Mr Wakefield stares at Sam.
‘Er… I’m going to go to the bathroom,’ he says.
Finn’s dad nods and then turns to us. His left eye is twitching. ‘Does either of you two know where Finnegan is?’
I glance at Nick.
‘No sir,’ Nick replies.
There’s a whole lot of yelling and we turn around to find that a couple of guys are shoving each other, the dance floor clearing around them.
Mr Wakefield just watches on.
Then, from the kitchen, a huge cake is brought out on a trolley.
‘Dude,’ Nick mutters. ‘That thing is huge enough to hold…’
The cake opens and two girls in underwear stride out of it, causing the fighting guys to stop and stare.
There are whispers of ‘where’s Finn?’ and suddenly the lights turn on and a deep voice is heard over the speakers:
‘Attention: the ballroom is now closing. Please exit immediately.’
‘What the fuck?’
‘Finn’s dad,’ I mutter, staring at the exit, where the senior Wakefield is standing and talking to a staff member.
‘Where the hell is Finn?’ Nick asks.
At that moment, the birthday boy himself steps into the ballroom, grinning happily at the two girls that are following close behind him.
He takes one look at the people slowly shifting out of the ballroom and storms up to us.
‘What the fuck is going on?’ he demands.
I shake my head and roll my eyes.
‘Your dad dropped in,’ Nick tells him.
‘What?!’ he exclaims.
I touch his arm. ‘Finn… We –’
‘Finnegan!’ a voice booms.
‘Mr Wakefield, please,’ I say, stepping between them. ‘Finn was just –’
‘Please leave,’ he interrupts me, not taking his eyes off his son.
Nick takes a deep breath. ‘But sir –’
‘Leave, or I will call your parents!’
‘Okay, we’re leaving,’ Nick says, taking my arm. ‘Bye Finn!’
Finn waves sarcastically as he follows his father into the elevator.
‘Hey,’ a voice says. ‘I’ve been looking for you.’
I turn to see that Bren chick sidling up to Nick.
‘Els,’ he says, leaning down to kiss my cheek. ‘We’re going to go. I’ll see you later.’ He slings his arm around her and they walk away.
As everyone is leaving, one girl walks into the hotel lobby. She’s wearing a light pink dress that hugs her slim body and is holding a box wrapped in shiny paper. Her light blonde hair is pulled back into a perfect French twist and her skin has a fresh golden tan.
‘Kristyna,’ I say.
‘Elsie, hi,’ she says softly. ‘What’s going on?’
I groan. ‘Finn’s dad kind of crashed the party. He’s throwing us all out.’
She gasps, her eyes wide. ‘What? I only just got here!’
I touch her arm. ‘Oh shit… Are you… Is everything okay…?’
‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine…’ She’s walking away, not looking at me. ‘I think I’m just going to go home. Good thing I drove.’
‘Okay… You have a good night though!’
‘Yeah…’ She laughs nervously and turns away, disappearing into the crowd.
I sigh and grip my clutch.
‘Hey,’ a voice says from behind me.
‘Sam.’
He smells intensely of cologne and is only wearing his jacket over a singlet, his shirt balled up in his hands. ‘I have some good news and some bad news.’
I frown apprehensively.
‘The good news is that I stole this unopened bottle of champagne when no one was looking.’ He grins, unveiling the bottle from beneath his crumpled shirt.
‘What’s the bad news?’ I ask.
He sighs. ‘Finn just texted me saying that his dad doesn’t want anyone sleeping in the penthouse tonight.’ He pauses. ‘And I’m… I shouldn’t be driving.’
‘Uh-huh…’
‘So either: we take cabs home and I’ll come back tomorrow morning and get my car or…’
I look at him. ‘Or…?’
‘Or we sleep in my car.’
I roll my eyes.
‘I don’t mind cabbing home,’ he says, ‘it’s just that it’d be a hassle for me to have to cab back here tomorrow morning just to get my car.’
I flick my hair over my shoulder. ‘Fine,’ I mutter.
‘Fine…what?’
‘Fine, we’ll sleep in your car. At least it’s…kind of clean.’
He laughs. ‘Come on then.’

Eyelash Wishes - Chapters 14 - 17

2011-02-20T18:10:00.000+11:00

14. E and N

I close my MacBook and sink back into my pillows, turning up the volume on MTV. I reach over to my nightstand and take another sip from my spiked orange juice. It’s been five days since the fight with Kristyna and I haven’t left the second floor of my house, mostly because I look terrible. I’ve just been lying around, a little less than sober, watching television and occasionally checking Facebook, although there are no updates because everyone I know is at school, where non-educational use of the internet is totally and completely banned. We can’t even access the wireless network with our phones.
It’s been cold outside lately so I’m reluctant to open the windows. As a result, my room smells like hash and sweat, with a hint of Viva La Juicy. I know it’s disgusting, but I’m so not in the mood to do anything about it.
Justin Timberlake and Ciara are dry-humping each other on the television when Nick appears at my door.
He’s dressed in full school uniform, with his bag still on his back.
‘Nick,’ I croak, slowly sitting up and muting the television. ‘What are you doing here?’
He frowns. ‘I could ask you the same thing.’
I raise an eyebrow at him. ‘Not really, considering this is my room.’
‘No, I mean, what are you doing not at school?’
I sigh. ‘I’ve decided to take a few days off school, because I have a gash on my face and a bald patch at the back of my head.’
He stares right at me. ‘Is that really why?’
‘Yes,’ I say impatiently. ‘Now what are you doing here?’
He takes his bag off and drops it on the ground, bending down to take some papers out of it. ‘Here,’ he says, holding them out to me. ‘Thought you might want to keep up with your schoolwork.’
‘Oh,’ I say softly, taking them from him and moving over in my bed. ‘Thanks. Sit down.’
He takes off his blazer and drops onto the other side of the double bed, putting his arm around me.
‘I see the “great” Edmund has come home,’ I remark in a mocking voice. ‘Your folks must be pretty happy.’
‘Yeah… Hey, how’d you know that?’
‘I see a lot from my window, Nicholas.’
He nods. ‘Fair enough.’
Edmund – Eddie – is Nick’s extreme leftist elder brother, who left home after he graduated to live off the welfare and devote his time to protesting for…various under-represented issues (think gay rights, student rights, supporting the Palestinians, convincing the Australian government to do something about the War on Terror, etc.). Basically, he’s part of one of those annoying groups that set up tables with petitions and jump out at you, all over the city. The last time Nick heard from him, Eddie had spent a large percentage of his trust going to Africa to help starving children. Dr Lonsdale went insane. It’s not that their parents disagree with anything Eddie does, because, to be frank, he does more than anyone else with a family like that would, but they just think he could do it from the comfort of his multi-million dollar custom-made home, rather than a tent in a war-torn country.
I saw him get out of a cab a few days ago, accessorised with one of those gigantic backpacks and a full-grown beard.
‘Yeah, uh, they are happy,’ Nick says.
‘What happened? Did he run out of money or something?’ I tease.
‘Nah… Actually, he’s getting married.’
‘What?!’ I exclaim.
‘Yeah, I know…’
‘I thought he was opposed to that.’
‘He…met this woman, in Somalia. She’s, like, a nurse or something.’
‘Wow,’ I say, blinking. ‘What do your parents think?’
‘They say he’s too young…’ he pauses, staring at the television. ‘And, er, he talked to me about it. Like, when they weren’t at home. He thinks he might be rushing into things with Gwen, but she’s turning thirty and she just really wants to get married.’
‘Are you okay?’ I ask, staring at him.
He shakes his head vigorously. ‘I’ve never been close with my brother – you know that. It feels weird for him to be talking to me about this stuff, and I don’t really think he should get married right now. And she’s thirty. Thirty is old.’
I laugh.
He turns to look at me. ‘I actually came here to ask you if you were coming on Saturday.’
‘To Sam’s birthday? Um… I don’t think so.’
‘Why not? I thought you said you were okay with…everything.’
‘Yeah, but… I just think him and Kristyna should have some space, away from me.’
Nick stares down at the floral-printed doona. ‘You know, you seemed really upset about everything that happened. You yelled at both of them, and you and Kristy got into that catfight –’
‘Ugh,’ I say, ducking under the covers. ‘Don’t remind me.’
‘Oh, come on, two girls in bikinis rolling around on the floor?’ He laughs. ‘It was actually really fucking hot.’
I roll my eyes. ‘Nick!’
He laughs again and hugs me tighter, through the sheets. ‘I just want to know why, after all that…you decided to let them be.’
I sigh and sit up. ‘Kristy said that she gave up Sam the first time because of me. If her and Sam really want… I couldn’t let her do that again.’
Nick releases me and leans back against the pillows. ‘I get what you’re saying.’
I bite my lip and fiddle with the corner of one of the homework sheets he just gave me.
He suddenly jumps off the bed, clearing his throat. ‘Right. Um, I have to go. We’re going out to dinner with Gwen tonight so I have to get ready. But, er, do me a few favours?’
‘Yeah, sure,’ I say lightly.
He walks over to the side of my room, opening the door to my balcony. ‘Let me air this room…get out of bed…stop behaving like a bum…’ He slips into his blazer and picks up his bag. ‘Come to school – Finn misses you, I miss you – and come to Sam’s!’ he finishes, pointing at me as he walks backwards out my bedroom door.

15. Sam’s Town

I take a deep breath and step into Sam’s house, the way I’ve done a million times before, although, of course, this time is different.
Loud music emanates from his back room and when I enter, it’s clear his party owns the whole back room, plus the porch and entire backyard.
‘Els!’ Finn calls out. He has a surprised expression on his face and a beer in his hand. ‘You came!’
He moves away from the two guys – whom I think are from his Art class – to hug me.
‘How are you?’ Finn asks.
‘Good,’ I mumble into his shirt.
‘Come, stand with us.’
‘Hey guys.’
They nod at me in greeting. ‘’Sup, Elsie?’
‘Do you know where Sam is?’ I ask tentatively.
‘He… He’s with Kristyna,’ Finn explains, not looking at me. ‘They’re outside, I think.’
I nod. ‘Um… I’m going to go give this to him.’ I hold up the present in my hand.
I walk over to the glass door leading outside. I can see Sam sitting on one of these benches in his backyard, his arm around Kristyna, the two of them sharing a blanket. Their faces are kind of glowing, and I’m guessing that there’s a bonfire, though people are in the way and I can’t see it from inside.
I bite my lip and turn around to go to Sam’s room. I place the present on a space on his floor, amongst all the other gifts there. Then I drop onto the armchair against the wall and pull out my flask and a couple of pills I’ve been saving for a special occasion, such as this one.
I hold them both in a loose fist, jiggling them about, listening to them rattle in my hand. I take a few sips of vodka, relishing the burning feeling in my chest as it goes down.
It’s actually cold in here, I tell myself, that’s why I’m drinking this. Not because of him. Not because of them.
Then I hear footsteps in the hall, close by, and I push both the pills into my mouth.
The door bursts open and Finn enters, dragging a girl with him.
I blink.
‘Hi Elsie,’ Finn says lightly. ‘You know Bron, right?’
I push the pills to one side of my mouth, mumbling, ‘I think so…’
‘Hi…’ she mutters. ‘Maybe we should go back to the party,’ she whispers to Finn.
‘No, it’s okay.’ I stand, trying to steady myself, and leave the room, my long necklace rattling against my stomach.
‘Come on, it’s alright,’ I hear Finn whisper to the girl as I close the door behind me.
I stagger through the backroom and grip a table for balance, grabbing a bottle of something and one of the plastic cups from the stack.
‘Elsie, hey!’ Nick says, appearing out of nowhere.
‘Oh, hey… Hey…’
‘Are you okay? You look really… What’d you take?’ he asks.
I shake my head slowly. ‘Those pills… The pills you got from Carter, like, months…months ago.’
‘Okay. Maybe you should slow down…’ He reaches for the bottle.
I snatch it away from him. ‘Uh, no. I’m fine.’ I lift the bottle to my lips.

16. Drugged and Disorderly

‘Is she okay?’
‘Christ… I told her…’
‘Just try to keep her awake, keep talking to her…’
‘What the fuck was she on?’
‘I don’t… Shit!’
My head hits something cold and hard. I feel something coming up out of my stomach and start coughing.
‘Lay her on her side!’
‘Look, I got it…’
‘She’s gonna chuck!’
‘On her side!’
‘Here… I’ve got her…’
I am lifted up and something warm and strong presses against my stomach.
‘Here, in the toilet, Elsie…’ Sam’s voice whispers in my ear.
I reach out and grip the plastic lid, coughing and retching the whole time he presses his arms against my stomach.
‘That’s it… Get it all out…’
I wipe my mouth and reach out instinctively for the flush.
‘You guys can go – I think we’ll be alright.’
‘Okay…’
‘If you’re sure…’
‘Not the birthday you imagined, eh, Sam?’
He laughs. ‘Not quite…’
I try to stand, breathing heavily. ‘Sam,’ I manage to croak. ‘… Sorry.’
‘Oh, nah… Sshh… Can you stand? It’s okay. I’ve got you.’ He pulls my arm over his shoulder and drags me out.
‘Here…’ his voice strains and he gently lifts me up. ‘Bed…’
As soon as I am wrapped up beneath the quilt on one side of the double bed, he runs out of the room, the door banging closed behind him.
I can hear him laughing with some people just outside.
I lay there, quietly staring at the various items on his nightstand – radio alarm clock, iPod, his ancient car key – so old, it looks like a giant house key – and a photo of me. I guess he must’ve forgotten it was there, or was too lazy to throw it out.
The photo was taken sometime last year, when we’d gone to the State Library to study, and were taking a two-hour lunch break. It was freezing that day, but you can hardly tell now, except for the fact that I’m wearing a coat and scarf. We’d been taking photos, and then he tried to take one of me eating. In the photo, I’m laughing and reaching out to him over a half-eaten burger.

-

‘Hey, how’re you doing?’
Sam, Nick and Finn are all standing in the doorway.
I sit up slowly. ‘Yeah… I’m okay…’
Nick jumps on the bed next to me and Finn hands me a glass of water.
‘Thanks…’ I say softly, taking it.
‘Look, Finn and I were going to leave now,’ Nick tells me, fiddling with the corner of the quilt. ‘Do you want to come?’
‘I…uh…’
‘You don’t have to,’ Sam puts in. ‘You can sleep here.’
‘I don’t want to wreck your night,’ I tell him.
Sam shakes his head. ‘It’s okay. Party’s kind of coming to an end anyway.’
‘Really? What time is it?’ I glance at the clock radio.
‘Two AM,’ Finn says, looking at his watch.
I blink. ‘How long was I out for?’
‘Oh, you weren’t out,’ Finn explains.
‘No…’ Nick agrees. ‘Just running around and yelling things and trying to get in my pants.’ He winks at me.
I push him.
‘I’m not joking!’
‘Okay, guys, weren’t you leaving just a minute ago?’ Sam asks, giving them a look.
Nick reluctantly starts to get up. ‘Sam, will you tell her –’
‘Come on, get out… I’ll see you guys on Monday.’
Finn hugs me tightly. ‘Bye, Els.’
Nick leans down and kisses my cheek. ‘Get better.’
‘Bye guys!’
Sam closes the door behind them and wonders over to the bed, jumping on it, Nick-style. He grins at me.
‘How drunk are you?’ I ask.
He shakes his head. ‘I’m not drunk. I’ve sobered up now.’
‘Oh god,’ I groan, grabbing my hair. ‘I missed your whole birthday party; I’m so sorry!’
He chuckles. ‘You didn’t really miss it. You were there, dancing and such with everyone else. Guess you just weren’t aware.’
I stare at him.
‘Don’t worry; it wasn’t as good as last year’s, anyway.’ He reaches down to take off his shoes. ‘How are you feeling?’ he asks, lying back on the headboard.
I shake my head. ‘Fine.’ I take another sip of water and then sink down on the bed, lying on his familiar pillows.
There’s a knock at the door and Sam goes to answer it. I hear some muffled girls’ voices saying goodbye and then the front door slams shut.
‘That’s it,’ Sam says, sitting back on his bed. ‘It’s over. I’m eighteen.’
I lift my arm out of the quilt. ‘Sam?’
He looks at me.
‘I’m sorry.’
He shrugs. ‘So I left my birthday party to help you throw up. I was happy to do it.’
‘No,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry about… About everything else. Kristyna and you…’
‘Oh no,’ he says, suddenly looking extremely worried. ‘No, no. I don’t… It doesn’t really bother me. Just don’t… Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. At all.’
I push my hair behind my ears. ‘I notice you still have that picture of me,’ I say, looking at the photo.
‘Hmm? Oh, yeah… I wanted you to be the last person I saw before I went to sleep,’ he mutters. ‘Jesus, it’s cold.’ He slips under the quilt next to me, his leg touching mine. ‘Oh, don’t move over,’ he says.
I shift back, closer to the middle.
‘Hey, uh, remember the first time I kissed you?’ he asks.
‘Yes,’ I scoff. ‘You used the “you have an eyelash” line.’
He looks at me. ‘Well, it worked, didn’t it?’
‘Unfortunately, yes.’
He smiles at me and I have to look away.
‘Hey, did you mean what you just said?’ I ask. ‘About being happy to help me out tonight?’
‘Yeah,’ he says, still laughing. ‘I have to admit, my party was fun…but… Really there was no place I’d rather have been.’
I laugh. ‘You say the corniest things when you’re drunk.’
‘I told you, I’m not drunk.’

17. Invitation

‘Here you go, guys,’ Finn says, handing us each a small envelope as we’re leaving English class. ‘Invitations to the annual Finnegan Wakefield III birthday party.’
‘Ooh, yay!’ I say, taking mine.
‘This year I didn’t have to try to convince my dad to let them serve us alcohol.’
We all laugh.
‘So long, folks; I’ve got Bio,’ Nick calls out, waving to us.
‘Bye Nick!’
‘Hey, did you give Kristyna one?’ Sam asks.
Finn holds up an envelope with her name on it. ‘I’ll see her in History.’ He glances at me awkwardly.
People still haven’t stopped pitying me about the whole best-friend-ex-boyfriend situation, which I suppose, is nice, but it’s getting kind of annoying. I mean, I can look after myself, although recent events seem to have disproven that fact.
‘Yeah… This is me,’ Finn says, standing in front of a classroom.
‘’Kay… We’ll see you later!’
I turn back around and realise that I’m walking alone with Sam.
‘You know, I’ll be driving to Finn’s.’
‘Why?’ I ask. ‘You’re not drinking?’
‘I am,’ he answers. ‘I’m just staying in the penthouse with him overnight.’
‘Oh okay.’
‘Um… Do you need a lift there? You can stay the night with us if you want. I think Nick probably will too.’
‘What about Kristyna?’
‘Oh yeah, if she wants to stay too, she can.’
I raise an eyebrow at him. ‘No. I mean…’
‘Oh…right…’ He scratches his head. ‘I was going to wait for a better moment to tell you this, but… I’m not going out with Kristyna.’
‘What?’
‘Kristyna and I,’ he says, slower this time, ‘are not dating.’
‘What?’
‘Look, I don’t… It turns out I don’t like her as much as she likes me. And I don’t want to end up hurting her because I’m never going to feel that way about her.’
‘Wait… What?’ I ask.
‘Look, I have to go to Legal now… But, er… We’ll go together?’ he asks.
I nod. ‘Guess so.’
‘And you’re not just using me because of my car?’
I scoff. ‘You can hardly call it a car.’

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 13

2011-01-15T22:47:00.000+11:00

13. Dr Nick and Judge Finn

When I wake up, my face in buried in a pile of duck-down pillows. I turn over to find I’m in an almost completely dark room, but for the slivers of light coming from behind some curtains. The back of my scalp stings and my right arm feels severely bruised. There are muffled voices coming from somewhere beyond the room, and I would like to know what’s going on but I don’t know if I can be bothered getting up.
After what can only be described as the Bikini Fight last night, Finn brought me up to his suite so I could sleep and sober up. But after he went back down to the party all I did was lie awake and contemplate sending ten pepperoni pizzas with extra olives to Kristyna’s house – they’re her greatest weakness – but it probably wouldn’t have done anything anyway, she’s barely ever gained any weight from overeating. Then I fell asleep, still wearing my bikini and heels.
The door opens, making me flinch.
‘Shit!’ I yell.
‘Hey, you’re up,’ Nick’s voice says.
‘Sort of,’ I mutter.
He comes around to my side of the bed and helps me up. ‘How’re you feeling?’
‘Fine.’ I undo the straps of my shoes.
‘Oh, I got you this,’ he says, holding out a Wakefield bathrobe, of course.
‘Thanks,’ I say, pulling it on.
‘Why don’t you come out? We’re just about to order room service.’
We walk out of the room into the blinding light to see Finn and Kristyna sitting on a couch.
‘What the hell is she doing here?’ I yell.
She rolls her eyes. ‘Oh my god, I’m around, get used to it,’ she says.
‘Okay, listen, guys,’ Finn says loudly. ‘I know you two hate each other right now, but I just need you to come here, sit down and order some breakfast with me. Eggs?’
‘No.’ I fold my arms.
‘Come on, Els,’ Nick says. ‘We just want you guys to try and sort this thing out.’
I frown at him. ‘Since when did you two become Dr Phil and Judge Judy? And where’s Sam?’
‘Sam doesn’t know what’s going on,’ Finn answers. ‘We thought it would be better if we got things sorted out between the two of you first.’
‘But I don’t want to.’
‘But you’ll just have to,’ Nick says. ‘Look, Elsie, I know you’re angry and hurt and all that –’
‘Oh I’m not hurt,’ I say. ‘The only thing that’s hurting is my scalp where she ripped my hair out!’
‘Try using a better shampoo. Home brand is really just liquid soap.’
‘Excuse me, I use a Frederic Fekkai shampoo –’
‘Which apparently doesn’t work very well –’
‘– And what do you think gives you the right to tell me what to do with my life, which, by the way, you’ve already completely screwed up!’
Kristyna stands up. ‘Oh, I’ve screwed your life up?’
‘Ladies!’ Nick says, moving between us. ‘Please. No repeats of last night.’
Kristyna starts to sit down.
‘That’s right, whore,’ I mutter.
‘What did you just call me?’ she yells.
‘I said,’ Nick booms, ‘no repeats of last night.’
I glare at Kristyna as I go to sit down.
‘Okay,’ Nick says, his voice a lot softer now. ‘Now, I know you guys are feeling whatever it is you’re feeling towards each other now…’
‘Hey, she –’
‘But,’ he presses on, despite my interruption, ‘I also know you’re both probably pretty hungry.’
‘I’m not,’ Kristyna protests, folding her arms.
‘Oh sure you are, Kris,’ I say. ‘You must be, after starving yourself to be that thin.’
She laughs. ‘Poor Elsie. You think anyone that’s thinner than you must be starving themselves. Hate to break it to you, but I don’t actually have to try to be this thin – it’s my natural figure.’
I look at her sympathetically. ‘Oh, I’m sorry –’
‘That’s okay, I –’
‘– It must be awful for you to put up with people asking you if you’re sick all the time.’
Her eyes widen. ‘Well it must be awful for you to put up with people asking when you start filming for your Jenny Craig ad. You know, with a before and after shot?’
‘Looks like we’re going to be here a while…’ Finn mutters.
‘Yup. Even though we’ve all got better things to do…’ Nick adds.
‘Well then let’s just all go home,’ I say quickly.
‘Shut up, Elsie,’ Kristyna says.
‘You shut up!’
She picks up the menu before her. ‘The waffles sound good.’
I glare at her.

-

‘Okay, let’s begin. Finn and I will mediate,’ Nick says once we’ve ordered.
Finn and Kristyna are sitting on one long couch. She’s sitting fully upright, in jeans and a perfect singlet, looking clean and not at all tired. Nick and I are on the couch opposite them, on the other side of the table. I’m still wearing the bathrobe over my bathers, slouching on the velvet and staring at the chipped polished on my toes.
Finn clears his throat. ‘I get the sense that if we ask who wants to go first, you’re both just going to start yelling, so… Kristyna, why don’t you go first?’
I scoff.
Finn gives me a look so I bite my lip.
‘Okay…’ Kristyna says. ‘Right…’
‘Hmm… Finally given a chance to talk and she doesn’t know what to say,’ I quip.
‘Sshh,’ Nick hisses.
Kristyna looks right at me. ‘First of all I just want to say that I tried to explain this to her, I did. Sam and I honestly did not mean to hook up that night.’ She takes a breath. ‘Sam and I do have feelings for each other. He did ask me out during the summer, but I didn’t really like him then, and besides, you guys had just broken up, and I didn’t want to do that to you then. So I turned him down. But we’ve been spending a lot of time together during the summer – because our parents are friends. Now I’ve developed feelings for him and…and I thought you would have been over it by now… I would really like to go out with him.’
I narrow my eyes at her. ‘Why are your answers always so diplomatic? It’s not an actual mediation session.’
‘Elsie, I am trying to be mature about this. Why can’t you just –’
‘Hey hey,’ Nick says, putting his hands out. ‘None of this…bickering stuff.’
I jiggle my bare foot. ‘Fine.’
The air is really thick in the hotel room, and for a while, all you can hear is the buzzing of the AC, and the faint sounds of traffic on the streets outside.
‘Elsie, your turn,’ Finn says.
I sigh and sit up, staring straight at her perfect, blemish-free face. ‘Do you really like Sam that much?’
‘I like him a lot, yeah.’
‘More than you care about me?’
‘Elsie, that’s not fair, I –’
‘It’s just that,’ I interrupt her, ‘you like him so much that you made out with him, even though you knew I wouldn’t be okay with it. And you’ve been my best friend for five years or something.’
She relaxes her seating pose.
‘Either you really, really like him, or…or…you don’t see me as a “best friend” any more.’
There’s a knock at the door.
‘Room service!’

Eyelash Wishes - Chapters 10 - 12

2011-01-09T22:58:00.000+11:00

10. Kitchen Nightmares
I swipe my employee card into the Wakefield punch machine in the kitchen.
Finn got a bunch of us jobs here for Work Experience in Year 10, and he, Kristyna and I stayed on after that. I guess mostly it just proves to my parents that I’m capable of doing something other than partying, but it’d also look good on a résumé, and it can be kind of fun.
When you don’t totally hate the people you’re working with.
‘… I’m thinking I should just get out of here before she stabs me with a meat cleaver,’ Kristyna is saying to Finn as she ties up her apron.
‘Yeah, you should do that,’ I’m saying.
She whips around, her sparkly blonde hair dancing around her face. ‘Oh… Elsie… I…’
‘Didn’t see me here? Didn’t see me ever? Even when you decided to make out with my ex-boyfriend, who you said you didn’t even like?’
Finn walks away slowly, to talk to the pastry chefs. Subtle.
‘Elsie, if you don’t want me to go out with Sam, then I won’t, but –’
‘It’s not a matter of what I want now. What you’ve done, you’ve done.’
She stares at me, her bright blue eyes wide and all fucking innocent.
‘What bothers me is that you… You’re supposed to be my best friend. I mean, I can imagine Sam not thinking things through, but you…’ I’m picturing them again – the hazy outline of the bathroom, the faint singing and yelling coming from outside, and Kris…and Sam. ‘How could you not think of me?’ I ask, water welling up in my eyes.
‘Elsie, you know what it’s like when you’re in the moment,’ she pleads. ‘You just…don’t think!’
‘So you’re saying you and Sam were “in the moment” together?’
‘No, I… That is not what I meant. You’re not even giving me a chance here.’
‘I just don’t understand.’ I sniff. ‘I should have been there, present in your mind while you were doing that. No matter how drunk I could ever have been, I would never, ever do something like this to you.’ I wipe my eyes.
‘Elsie, I think you’re being a bit selfish here. Sam and I –’
‘Girls!’ the head chef calls over to us. ‘Enough chit-chat! Lunch rush is about to start!’
Kristyna starts again. ‘Sam and I –’
‘Did you just call me selfish?’
‘Um, yeah,’ she says, like it was obvious. ‘That’s how you’re acting.’
I feel like ripping her perfect blonde hair out of her fucking dandruff-free scalp. ‘You –’
‘Okay, seriously, Kristyna and Elsie! Come on, get to work!’
I pull on my apron. ‘You’d better watch yourself.’
‘Or…?’ she says, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow.
‘Or you might just have a meat cleaver in your back today.’

11. How To Hurt A Guy In Ten Fingernails
‘I’m so fucking bored,’ Nick mutters, loosening his tie and lying back on the chair.
It’s 35 degrees outside today, which is weird, considering it’s the end of May. Okay, it’s not really that weird, considering we live in Melbourne.
The boys all have their shirt sleeves rolled up and everyone’s blazers are stored away in our lockers. The fans are on and the windows are all open, but that’s not doing much except making our papers fly off the desks.
Mr Peterson has given us a worksheet to do, but he’s gone out of the room, like he does every single Business lesson, so we do whatever we want to.
Finn is lying with his head on the desk – we’re wondering if he’s died of heatstroke – and I am playing with an old emery board.
I sigh, looking at Nick’s sweat-spotted brow. ‘Nick, I’m in Business class, filing my nails. Do I look like I’m having the time of my life?’ I ask, waving my emery board at him.
‘I mean, I’m bored in general. We haven’t been out for ages.’ He stares at me for a second.
‘Where did you get that thing, anyway?’
‘I don’t know,’ I answer. ‘It was in my pencil case. Probably Kristyna’s.’
He’s still staring at me.
‘What?’
‘How are…you and Kristyna and Sam and the whole…thing…?’ he trails off.
I shake my head. ‘I…don’t really want to talk about it.’
After I threatened to drive a meat cleaver into her back last weekend, Kristyna chopped shallots and whipped butter better and faster than I did, and she didn’t say anything more to me, because she’s just so mature about emotional issues. Thus, I don’t really feel like thinking about her any more.
‘You know what, girlie girl?’ Nick says, in a surprising, fake-camp voice.
I blink.
‘You should, like, totally do my nails, y’know, while you’re at it!’
‘Okay,’ I say slowly, reaching for his hand.
‘Oh, Finnegan!’ Nick warbles as I start filing his nails.
Finn lifts his head.
‘I think we need to have a party!’
‘What do you propose?’ Finn asks, sitting up.
‘I’m thinking something loud and fun, with lots of girls.’
‘And a pool,’ I add.
‘The weather’s not going to be like this forever,’ Finn points out.
‘That’s why we’re having the party tonight.’ I turn around and wink at him.
‘Ah,’ Finn says slowly, stroking the tiny goatee that he finds irritating but grows just to spite his father.
‘See, you can tell he’s onto something when he – ow! What the fuck are you doing?’
‘Pushing down your cuticles,’ I answer.
A couple of lame-ass girls in the back – long skirts, glasses, bad hair, no make-up – look at Nick and start giggling. I shoot them a look and they immediately stop.
‘Can you book one of the pools at the Wakefield?’ I ask Finn, putting down the emery board.
‘Hmm… I reckon we could get the Ground floor. There’s a bar there, too. But it won’t hold that many people.’ He pulls out his iPhone.
Nick shakes his head. ‘Nah, it’s all good. Just us three, Sam and Kris –’
I groan.
‘You going to be okay?’ Finn asks, looking up from the touch screen.
Nick looks at me too, worriedly.
It’s one of those silences, and while I enjoy the attention, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to start crying in the middle of class so I just nod.
‘Don’t worry,’ I say. ‘They didn’t betray you.’
‘– and whoever else we can gather at short notice,’ Nick continues, ‘so, yeah, not many people.’
Finn checks his phone again. ‘Dad says it’s fine for us to take over the Ground pool, spa, plus the outdoor and indoor bars, with the little lounge there too.’
‘Wow,’ I remark. ‘You can get all that, at less than twenty-four hours notice?’
‘It’s Finnegan the second,’ Finn says smoothly. ‘What do you think?’

12. Pool Party
I am lying down on half a beach chair, a fancy cocktail in my hand and a hot stranger lying next to me.
The party has turned out to be a very big success, and even though only a few people from Ashton showed up, kids from schools all over the city have shown up, so there are a lot of strangers here. The more the merrier, right?
This pool party has been the perfect opportunity for me to wear this white Roberto Cavalli bikini I only just bought. It fits me perfectly, without me having to readjust it all the time, and gives my boobs a little bit of a boost without being obvious or making it look like I got a breast augmentation in the time that I changed my clothes.
I’m thinking that everyone I know has simply disappeared when I see Finn sneaking inside with one of the St. Alexander’s girls. She’s not bad-looking – blonde hair, belly piercing, a little too tan – but she’s kind of flabby, for a pool party. I’ve seen Finn do better.
The guy I’m with right now is from Crompton, I think. He’s got that surfer kind of hair going on, which isn’t bad, but I do wish he was a little more toned, for a pool party, you know – he’s kind of flabby. I’ve seen myself do better. Well, whoever we can get at short notice, I suppose.
He leans over and kisses me again.
‘Ew, get a room, Elsie,’ a voice says from above me.
‘Oh, right, I forgot you were invited,’ I mutter, sitting up and steadying my drink on the table next to me.
‘Wow, how could you forget that?’ Kristyna asks sarcastically. ‘Is it because you’re so selfish that you only ever think of yourself, or because you’ve had about fifty of those shitty little cocktails tonight?’ She’s wearing a dark blue bikini I’ve never seen before, and it matches her eyes perfectly. It’s a dark colour and yet somehow doesn’t detract from her tan. A new pair of Gucci sunglasses rests on top of her head and I swear her stomach was not that toned the last time we went to the beach.
I feel my perfectly-plucked eyebrow twitch. ‘Neither,’ I say. ‘It’s because Finn doesn’t think you’re worth anything. You’re just a space-filler at this party.’
‘Finn is one of my best friends,’ she says defensively.
‘Finn’s only your friend because he’s Sam’s friend. Finn and Nick and…Sam… Those guys worship me.’
‘They used to. Before Sam and I decided to…get to know each other a little better.’
I turn to the guy. ‘Hey, I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,’ I tell him, kissing him.
‘Don’t fall in!’ Kristyna calls after me.
I flip her off.
The toilet stall feels way too small and I drop my drink as I’m trying to find my balance in heels. Glass, crushed ice and white liquor splatter on the tiled floor. I fall onto the closed toilet seat and drop my head in my hands, trying to massage my temples. My throat feels like it’s closing over and there is an extreme lack of oxygen in here so I just keep my head down, trying to regulate my breathing. My hair, I notice, has become all dry because of the chlorine but it’s still got its dark chestnut colour, which I love, so I guess not everything totally sucks.
I open the door and check myself over in the mirror. My make-up has smudged a little but other than that, I look a lot better than I feel.
I lean over on the sink, trying to regain my balance, although part of me just wants to die, right here.
‘You should know to wear a better bikini when you’re going to a pool party – you know, one that actually covers your ass.’
I turn around to face Kristyna. I’ve got goose bumps growing over my skin and I suddenly feel really naked. ‘Haven’t you had enough?’ I sigh.
‘No,’ she says indignantly.
I shake my head, my throat hurting again. ‘Why?’
She laughs. ‘Why? Why? You’re asking me? Elsie, you started this whole thing.’
‘No, I didn’t.’
‘Yes, you did. You didn’t have to go around screaming at people or threatening to kill them with kitchen utensils, but you did.’
‘Kristyna,’ I say slowly. ‘You have no idea… You have no idea what you’ve done to me. You’ve always been better than me – don’t you know that? And now you’ve got the guy, too.’
‘Um, this is not my fault. If it had been any other guy, you’d be happy for me. We wouldn’t be fighting, right? Right.’
She answered that question herself.
‘So what makes things with Sam so different?’
‘I…’
‘Sam and I are just two people who happened to realise they have real feelings for each other. I don’t get why you can’t get that.’
‘The only thing Sam and you are, is an asshole and a slut,’ I say darkly, turning away.
I walk out of the bathroom, but I feel something pull very strongly on my hair from behind.
I turn around to see Kristyna standing very close behind me, her face red and a whole lot of chestnut hair dangling from her hand.
‘You…’ I reach out and slap her across the face.
She runs at me and knocks me to the floor on the inside of the bar, screaming the whole time. I thrust my palm upwards into her face, making her yelp, and then roll over so I’m on top of her. We struggle for a moment, limbs flailing. I’m trying my hardest to gain control of this fight, but whenever I push at her, she uses the exact same amount of force to push back. She grabs me by my hair again and shoves my face against the floorboards. I can’t breathe and I’m thinking I should just give up when suddenly, all the pressure above me is lifted and people are yelling everywhere.
‘Get her off!’
‘What’s going on?’
‘Oh my god!’
‘Okay, you two, get out,’ says a bouncer, pushing us both out of the bar.
I collapse in a heap on the floor in the lobby, wailing.

Eyelash Wishes - Chapters 6 - 9

2010-12-03T17:00:00.001+11:00

6. Sense and Nonsense
I am sitting at a little table on my balcony drinking coffee and reading Sense and Sensibility (a.k.a. the worst book EVER), Kings of Leon blasting from the speakers connected to my iPod, when a pebble lands at my feet. I look up out at my front yard.
Nick is standing below the balcony wearing nothing but a pair of track pants. ‘Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!’ he calls out in a (very bad) fake British accent.
It might seem a bit odd that a semi-naked boy is in my front yard, attempting to so-called “serenade” me with allusions to fairy tales, but for me and Nick, this is perfectly normal. He lives in the house across the street and constantly comes over. It’s mostly because we always have fresh coffee, but I can’t see any reason that he’d use me purely because of my Brazil-imported beans and ability to actually grind them in a coffee machine.
At the edge of the balcony, I swing my hair over my shoulder. ‘It’s too short!’ I reply, grinning.
‘Then how shall I ever rescue you from the evil dragon or whatever it is keeping you in the castle?’ Then he quits using that stupid accent. ‘What’s keeping her in the castle? I have no idea; I don’t even know that story.’
I ignore the question. ‘What are you doing, Nick?’ I ask him, still grinning.
He shrugs. ‘Just finished my run and thought I’d come by and see you, Princess.’
‘Hold on,’ I tell him. ‘I’ll let you in.’
When you open a door for someone you expect them to say something like ‘hello’, or, if a greeting has already been established, ‘thanks for opening the door’.
Instead, Nick says, ‘Nice bra.’
He’s only making this comment because after my shower this morning it was too hot to bother with real clothes (even though it’s supposed to be the end of summer), so I put on a robe and went out onto the balcony to read. And I now realise that that was a mistake because the sunlight bouncing off the pages of my novel has blinded me. But Nick does have a point; the bra I’m wearing is nice – Calvin Klein, black with a pale blue lace trim.
We walk into the kitchen and he pours himself a cup of coffee.
‘So, are we going to go to your bedroom?’ he asks me, taking a sip and winking at me.
I shake my head, smiling. Nick and I won’t be doing anything like that today. Or ever. We kind of have this unwritten, unspoken pact that nothing could ever happen between us, which is probably why it occurs to neither of us that we’ve done half the job by wearing very little in the presence of one another.
‘No, Nick,’ I say, ‘I’m sorry, but I just don’t see you that way.’
He sniffs hyperbolically and looks down at the tiled floor. ‘I understand.’
But we go to my room anyway.
Nick sees the book on my table as we walk out onto the balcony.
‘What the fuck is this?’ he asks me, half-outraged, half-hysterical with laughter.
‘It’s for Lit,’ I answer, resuming my seat.
He picks up the book and hits me on the head with it. ‘Why are you doing schoolwork?’ he demands loudly, in between the sounds of the 350-plus pages slapping against my head.
I laugh and grab his wrists, trying to push him away. Finally I wrench the book from his hand.
We grin at each other as he takes the seat opposite me and takes another gulp of coffee.
‘So why are you starting work so early?’ he asks.
I shake my head. ‘This isn’t early,’ I say, lifting up the book. ‘I was supposed to read this over the summer.’
‘I knew there was no way you’d be doing work on time.’
‘And how’s your schoolwork going?’ I tease him.
He shakes his head, laughing. ‘I’m so going to fail this year!’ He sighs and stretches his arms upwards. ‘So what’s the go today for you, E? Getting your nails done with Kristyna?’ he asks in a fake-camp voice.
You might be wondering what happened to Kristyna after the Valentine’s Day incident: not much, to be perfectly honest. Nick and I went home the next morning but apparently she wasn’t really well enough to go home for another couple of days. I think she’s resigned to cut down on her drinking a little – too much too fast, I guess.
‘Nah,’ I reply. ‘Kristy and co decided to go to some market.’
‘You didn’t want to join them?’
‘I didn’t want to go shopping amongst a bunch of prostitutes on the arms of over-tattooed bogans who buy three dollar ties printed with “Dolce and Gabbande”.’
He laughs.
‘Well, do you like three dollar ties, Nick?’
‘Nah,’ he replies, ‘I buy them from the Salvos for two bucks – saving money!’
I roll my eyes at him. ‘So what are you doing for the rest of today?’
‘Getting ready for my par-tay!’

7. The First Eighteenth
Drunken cheers and yells erupt from Nick’s friends as we watch him blow out the eighteen candles on his cake, a big chocolate one from Brunetti’s.
Nick’s party is huge. It’s like he’s invited everyone in our year level – I said, like, three words to him when I got here, before he disappeared and became close to impossible to locate. He is wearing a paper crown with the number 18 on it and opening his mouth and eyes wide every time someone aims a camera at him. I follow him into the kitchen where he is bent down at his fridge.
‘Nick! Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick!’
‘Yeah,’ he says distractedly, sifting his way through the bottles and cans. ‘Just looking for the… Ah-ha!’ He holds up two Coronas, a triumphant smile on his face.
‘Happy birthday!’ I tap my bottle against his.
He smiles and almost crushes me in a hug. ‘I love you, Elsie.’
‘I know you do,’ I mumble, looking up at him and grinning.
He holds me at arms length and stares intently at my face, before letting go and staring around the crowded living room before him. ‘Where’s the rest of the gang?’
‘Gang?’
‘Yeah, y’know; Sam, Finn, Kristyna. Where are they?’
‘Um…’
‘Let’s go find ‘em!’ He throws a heavy arm around me and we stumble around the room. People keep hugging Nick and wishing him happy birthday, but he actually seems pretty intent on finding the…‘gang’.
As we are walking past Nick’s bedroom, Finn comes out, hastily buttoning his shirt.
I frown at him.
‘You know that girl Sara, from our Business class?’ he whispers.
‘Finn, that’s disgusting,’ I tell him. ‘Wait. Is she still in there?’
He smiles.
‘Ah, good job, Elsie. You’ve found Finn!’ Nick yells, his eyes wide as he turns to look at us.
The three of us go out on the balcony where Finn trips over a deck chair and we all start laughing incessantly but eventually we get tired of this and drag him back inside to continue the search for Sam and Kristina.
‘Wow,’ Finn mutters.
‘Wha –?’ I ask.
‘I really need to piss.’
‘Yeah, me too.’
‘Lucky,’ he scoffs.
‘What?’
‘Girls can hold it longer.’
I laugh. ‘That is such bullshit.’
‘No, it’s not.’
‘It is.’
‘It’s not.’
‘It so is!’
‘You know, in the time we spend arguing about this, we could go piss,’ Finn observes, staring blankly at the wall.
‘Okay. You go first, since…since you said…that thing…that girls can hold it.’ I start laughing again.
Finn starts to open the bathroom door but shuts it immediately. His eyes are wide open and his hand is still on the door handle.
‘Finn? Are you –?’
‘Don’t go in there,’ he interrupts me.
‘Why?’
Nick appears at my side. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Finn’s being weird,’ I say.
Finn shakes his head. ‘Just…don’t go in there… Especially you, Elsie.’
Nick laughs. ‘Move aside, Finnegan,’ he says, shoving Finn and forcing the door open.
Kristyna and Sam are leaning against the bathroom wall, kissing.
‘Fuck,’ Nick says.
They pull apart.
‘Told you,’ Finn mutters.
I walk away.

8. Leave It Alone
‘Miss Dickson, could you please help me carry these assignments to the staffroom?’ Ms Clarke asks me when the bell rings at the end of Music.
I sigh and start disassembling my flute, shoving its parts into the case.
‘Later, Elsie,’ Bonnie Langston says, picking up her violin case and leaving with everyone else.
I pick up the pile of papers on the desk after everyone has left.
‘Elsie,’ Ms Clarke whispers.
‘Yeah?’
‘Elsie, I have been your teacher for almost six years now. I’m the one that recommended you become Music Captain, and probably the reason you won.’
‘And…?’
She sighs. ‘Is something bothering you?’
‘Just the fact that I’m missing out on my free period, Miss,’ I answer, trying to balance the assignments and my flute.
‘You seemed a bit…distracted today.’
I shake my head. ‘It’s nothing. I’m just…really tired.’
Being that it’s about six weeks into the school year, everyone is really tired all the time, arriving to class late, jumping up the second the bell rings and suffering from serious social withdrawal.
‘Elsie, I know you probably won’t want to discuss your personal life with your teacher –’
‘You’re right.’
‘– but… I want you to know that if there is anything bothering you – anything at all – that you can come to me for sympathy, or advice, or even just an ear.’
I stare at the carpet. ‘Thanks,’ I say softly. ‘I mean, okay. Whatever.’
She walks out of the room.
I know it’s lame to like your teachers, but I have to admit, everything Ms Clarke said was true. It’s like, she has been there for me for a really long time, and I guess she just wants to be there for me now. I don’t really understand why she thinks I was distracted today though. I wasn’t.
I open the classroom door and walk right into someone, accidentally dropping paper everywhere.
I manage to collect most of the assignments, but the person picks up the rest and gives them to me.
I snatch them from Sam and walk away.
‘Elsie!’
I can hear his footsteps behind me.
‘Elsie! Elsie, will you just listen to me?’
‘No, Sam. I will not,’ I say, not looking at him.
I stride into the Music staffroom, slamming the door in his face.
He opens it again.
‘Only Music staff and students are permitted in here, sorry!’ I push it closed again.
‘Elsie?’ Ms Clarke says, peering out of her office. ‘What took you so long?’
‘Uh, I… I accidentally dropped these on my way over here. It’s windy, and I’ve got my flute and all…’ I laugh nervously and place the assignments on her desk.
She frowns.
‘Well, I’ll be off then!’
‘Elsie,’ she calls me back.
‘Yes?’
‘If you do need to talk…’ she says slowly, ‘my offer still stands.’
I nod, walking backwards out of there. ‘I know. Thanks again, Ms Clarke.’
She just stands there, blinking at me.
I turn around to see a black blazer leaning against the window of the staffroom.
‘Elsie,’ Sam exhales as I exit.
I look at him.
‘Okay, eye contact. That’s a good start.’
I shake my head and storm off.
‘Elsie… Elsie, please listen to me,’ he begs. ‘I’m trying to get you to understand. Just… Just give me a chance.’
I stop around the side of the building, folding my arms. ‘Fine. Go. Explain.’
‘Don’t you want to go somewhere more –’
‘No. Here’s fine. Go.’
‘Okay, look…’
‘What the hell were you thinking?’ I yell, pushing him in the chest.
‘Kristyna and I…’ he says stubbornly, pressing my arms back to my sides.
‘Kristyna and you what?’ I growl.
‘We were really drunk and… And I didn’t plan for it to happen… I just –’
‘Argh! Sam! How can you say that? Oh my fucking god, it’s like you… It’s like you don’t even know… Argh!’ I scream again.
He winces. ‘Can you please stop screaming?’
I glare at him, breathing heavily.
‘Wait. What don’t I know?’ he asks, his eyes darting between mine.
‘You can’t just do something as stupid as make out with Kristyna – who I thought to be my best friend – and then suddenly turn around and use a thousand clichés to explain yourself!’ I squeal.
‘I wasn’t trying to use clichés! That’s really what happened!’
‘Oh, you know what? You can just say it. You’ve been in love with her ever since you guys did the fucking Deb together and now you finally have your chance to be together without little Elsie getting in the way of everything,’ I say bitterly.
‘Hey!’ he yells, fighting back. ‘You know how badly I wanted to do the Deb with you. Don’t… Don’t tell me you didn’t trust me back then.’
I pause, staring at him, my breathing heavy. ‘Fine. Whatever.’
‘What?’
‘It doesn’t matter to me any more. You just… Just do whatever.’
‘Elsie, I…’ He touches my shoulder.
I shrug him off. ‘Get away from me.’

9. Mummy Dearest
I am blow-drying my hair and admiring the flatness of my stomach when my bathroom door opens, making me jump.
‘Elsie, dear?’
I turn off the hairdryer. ‘Mum, I’m not dressed!’
‘Elsie, I heard about Kristyna and Samuel.’
I roll my eyes and shrug on my bathrobe. ‘Who hasn’t?’
‘Yes, their mothers were very excited about it at lunch the other day.’
‘And…?’
‘And I wanted to know if you were okay.’
‘I’m fine.’ I walk out of my bathroom into my room and begin flicking through my closet.
‘You shouldn’t feel bad about this,’ she says, taking a seat on my bed.
‘I don’t.’
‘I know that you and Samuel were together for a very long time –’
‘That’s all in the past.’
‘– and that you’ve always felt inferior to Kristyna –’
‘What?’ I snap, turning around to look at her.
She looks kind of shocked. ‘Well, you have, haven’t you? Ever since Year 7.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Well, you always complained that she was simply better than you at everything: music, art, sports, maths –’
‘Alright, I will give you the fact that she’s a better maths student than I am, but… I am not jealous of Kristyna Thomas.’
‘All I’m saying, darling, is that it’s okay for you to feel inferior to her – her family is… Her great-grandfather owns Thomas & Pryce, and her grandfather funded the Ashton Grammar library when her mother was a student, and –’
‘Okay, okay, she’s better than me. So?’
‘So it’s okay for you to be upset about Samuel leaving you for her.’
‘Mum, I don’t know what you’re getting at. I don’t really care about that kind of stuff. I mean, what do you expect me to do – lie on my bed, listen to bad, sappy pop songs and cry for twenty-four hours? I’m… I’m over it.’
‘Elsie,’ she says slowly, ‘I just don’t want you to bottle up all the feelings that you’re having inside.’
‘Mum, I’m not bottling anything up inside –’
‘I think you need to be able to talk about your feelings –’
‘Mum! I’m going to be late for work!’
‘Alright. I’ll let you get dressed. But please, think about what I’ve said.’

Eyelash Wishes - Chapters 4 and 5

2010-11-26T19:53:00.000+11:00

4. How We Met Each Other

Now you must be desperate to know the story of how Elsie and Sam met, got together and broke up. The actual story would probably bore you to death so I’ll give you what I think is a refined version:

A little while after I got my Ls, I was driving on a moderately-busy main road, and I saw this beat-up old car in my rear-view mirror. As it went to overtake me, I noticed that a fairly attractive blonde boy was driving it. But then he started braking and was way too slow, so I overtook him again.
I saw the beat-up old car with the L-plates pull up in front of Ashton a couple of days later as I was arriving, and the attractive blonde boy got out.
I later found out that he’d bought the ’92 Audi 80 at a second-hand dealership out in Ringwood after much deliberation with his parents about how, oh, second-hand cars look dodgy, you don’t know who owned it previously or what they did in it, and even – I guess his ‘rents were getting really desperate – that all the other kids at our school are going to have brand-new personalised-number plate-d cars; the last of these arguments actually happens to be true. But Sam wanted the second-hand 80 anyway, because it meant that he’d be able to fix it up and have fun with the mechanics of it all. He spent his summer doing repairs to the front brakes and suspension bushings and, of course, getting the seats dry-cleaned, and now he drives around in this car that looks like crap (I mean, only because you can tell it’s more than ten years old) but he feels proud of it because he got to work on it himself.
I remember that he was getting his bag out of the backseat when I said:
‘Hey, it’s the crazy overtaker.’
He looked up. He had this cute surprised look on his face. ‘You were pretty crazy yourself, you know.’
I frowned. ‘You don’t overtake someone then start to travel 5 below the speed limit!’
He started walking into school with me. ‘My mother was telling me to slow down.’
We laughed.
‘I’m Sam,’ he said, holding out his hand. ‘You’re Elsie, right? Kristyna’s friend?’
‘Yeah,’ I said slowly. ‘How do you know Kristyna?’
‘We’re old friends,’ he explained. ‘Her mum and my mum knew each other when they were kids.’

After being boyfriend and girlfriend for a steady ten months, we were actually supposed to do the Debutante Ball together, but Sam’s mum kind of put a stop to it. Without trying to go into too much detail about something I probably have a very myopic understanding of, I’m pretty sure Sam’s and Kristyna’s mothers planned the whole thing out: get pregnant at the same time, send their kids to the same school that they’d gone to, get them to somehow fall in love. It’s insane, I know, but some people are just like that.
So since Sam had no choice but to do it with Kristyna (his mum threatened him; said that he either did the Deb with Kristyna, or not at all), I decided to do it with Nick. I feel awful about that decision every time I think about it – which is not often, since I make a conscious effort not to dwell on stuff like that – because Nick wasn’t my first choice and he knew it.
Every time we were rehearsing at the Hall, I’d be – oh so benignly – eye-fucking Sam, and Nick would see the look on my face, and he’d say, ‘You wish you were with Sam, huh?’ which is so unbelievably sweet. So I’d sigh and apologise and for some reason still unknown to me, Nick would just grin and shake his head and say he didn’t really mind, that his talents in the bedroom would match Sam’s on the dance floor. And I’d just laugh.
Doing the Deb will always be one of the most memorable moments of high school. I mean, it wasn’t just that it was a fun night out (even though it was) – it was everything leading up to it. It was worrying about who to bring, and if they could carry you. It was picking out the perfect dress, shoes, and all the rest of that girly crap. It was going out for drinks after rehearsal.
It was the crazy way Sam always wanted to remind me that even though we weren’t Deb partners, I still belonged to him. I mean, in between classes, if we happened to walk past each other, he’d stick his arm out and pull me towards him, in waltz position, holding books out to the side. And even though we’d hold up the people traffic in between third and fourth period, we would just laugh. There was nothing that could have made me feel more special to Sam in the world.
Then things took a turn for the worse.
In the Deb aftermath, Sam kept hanging out with Kristyna. I know it shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. I mean, at first it was just them getting together to decide which pictures looked the best and that sort of thing, but then they met up for lunch once and I said I was fine with it, even though I wasn’t. But what are you supposed to say when something like that happens? It’s like… I just didn’t want Sam to feel like he had to ask my permission to do something – I’m not that sort of person.
Besides, Kristyna was supposed to be my best friend.
Then, nearing our one-year anniversary, Sam and I had this big fight involving a lot of accusations, profanities and tears. I know this sounds corny, but it was the one time that I was truly worried I might lose him forever. And I guess I kind of did, if “forever” means the entire summer up until now.
And then, he actually decided to ask Kristyna out during the summer, which really pissed me off. I was in Fiji with my family at the time, miserably sitting by the ocean drowning my sorrows in Pina Coladas, but I still found out. Kristyna turned him down, but I get the sense that she was sort of doing it just for me, because she knew I wasn’t over him.
That brings me to the end of this ridiculous story (even though it really hasn’t come to the end yet), where things haven’t been worked out, but we’re all content to ignore tensions that may occur between us and co-exist in the same environment with minimal conflict.
For now, anyway.

5. Valentine’s Day

We enter the Wakefield to the opening bars of Fall Out Boy’s “I Don’t Care”. While their lyrics make them essentially a crap band, this song actually has a pretty good tune; perfect for an entrance, really. The ballroom is decked out with tiny heart-shaped lights and huge floral centrepieces, all in pinks and reds. There are already quite a few people here; all the girls are dressed in short, light, coloured dresses, and all the guys have already ditched their jackets and are wearing open-collar shirts.
‘Sam wants you,’ Nick whispers to me.
‘Shut up, Nick,’ I say, adjusting my bracelet. ‘You know that’s total bullshit.’
‘I’m not kidding,’ he mutters. ‘He won’t take his eyes off you.’
I slowly look over my shoulder to see Sam looking at me. He smiles. I smile back.
‘St Alexander’s,’ I mutter, turning back to Nick.
‘What?’
‘You know St Alexander’s, the school? They have this annual Valentine’s Day dance-thingy. Last year… Sam and I… We went with Craig and Elena.’
Nick frowns at me.
‘He’s looking at me because this all reminds him of last year.’
‘He’s looking at you because you look fucking hot in red, that’s why.’ He grins.
‘Shut up,’ I say, but I can’t help smiling.
‘Where’s Finn?’ Sam asks.
‘Probably doing it with some girl in the back,’ I scoff. ‘Where’s Kristyna?’
‘You look really good tonight,’ Sam says, brushing my hand as he goes to sit down.
‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘So do you.’
Nick gives me an I told you so look.
‘Let’s dance, guys,’ I say, standing.
Nick and Sam follow me to the dance floor, both of them spilling beer out of their glasses as they stop to watch a couple of girls pass them. Nick grins and raises his eyebrows at them.
‘Way out of your league,’ I say to him, raising my voice over the music.
He scoffs. ‘No way.’
‘Then go up to them, then,’ I challenge him.
He shakes his head. ‘Nah, too early.’
‘What?’
‘It’s too early in the night; she’s not drunk enough yet.’
I roll my eyes. ‘You suck.’
‘Bar?’ Sam suggests.
The three of us do shots before Kristyna and Finn come out from the back room.
‘Finn!’ I squeal, running up to him and hugging him.
‘Great party, my man,’ Nick says, patting him on the back.
‘What took you guys so long?’ Sam asks.
‘This one,’ Finn pats Kristyna on the back, ‘had a little too much. I found her in the boys’ bathroom,’ he chuckles.
‘Isn’t it a little early? Didn’t you just get here?’ Sam asks.
I turn around to look at Kristyna, who is staring at these paintings on the wall.
‘Kris,’ I say, reaching for her hand. ‘You okay?’
‘I think she’s just had too much,’ Finn says, rubbing the back of his neck.
I wince. ‘Do you want a drink of water or something?’ I ask her.
She keeps staring at the wall.
‘Yup… She’s fucked,’ Finn says slowly.
Suddenly, she collapses sideways.
‘Oof!’ I yell out, catching her.
‘Let’s go back up to the room,’ Finn mutters, ‘before Security sees us.’
‘Er… Yeah, that might be a good idea…’ I say, trying to hold her up in a more comfortable position.
‘Okay, come on,’ Finn helps me get Kristyna’s arm around me. He turns to Sam and Nick. ‘Do you guys want to go and get some Panadol?’
They turn and run out the door.
I stare at the hundreds of darkened reflections of us in the mirrored elevator, slightly tinted with gold. A tall girl with wavy blonde hair dangling in her face leaning on a boy in a skinny suit, texting rapidly on his iPhone, and another girl, her make-up smudged and her expression blank. The elevator jolts and the three of us fall out onto the twelfth floor, Kristyna barely moving.
We have to drag her down the hall to get her into the room, and when we finally do I try to make her sit upright on the couch while Finn goes to get a glass of water. He kneels down and pushes it into her hands, forcing her to drink it, but as he releases her, she collapses, dropping the glass on the carpet and passing out again.
‘Think it’s okay to let her sleep?’ Finn asks, a sceptical undertone to his voice.
‘Mm, she’s just had too much to drink.’ I pause. ‘I’m familiar.’
Finn breaks into a laugh. ‘Oh yeah,’ he says. ‘Remember that time you got so drunk you had to stay at Sam’s for, like, three days…’ Suddenly his face changes again and he looks down at the carpet, where a splodge has darkened with water. ‘I’m sorry, Els.’
I walk over to another one of the couches and plop down.
‘I’m so sick of that, you know?’
‘Sick of what?’ he asks, sitting back on the floor.
‘Sick of people acting like I’m fragile every time anyone brings up Sam. It’s like… I know it’s awkward and everything, but can’t we all just move past that?’
Finn shrugs. ‘You took it pretty hard.’
I sigh, fiddling with my clutch. ‘I know.’
‘We just want to look out for you.’
‘Is that how Sam feels too?’
He shrugs again. ‘I have no idea. He doesn’t really talk about his feelings since…since then.’
‘Right…’
‘But sometimes… I can tell he still –’
The door bursts open.
‘Is she okay?’ Sam asks loudly.
Finn nods. ‘She’s…’
‘Sleeping,’ I say.
‘What even happened?’ Nick asks as they both come further into the room.
‘I don’t know,’ Finn answers. ‘I think she’s just had a bit too much to drink.’
Nick scoffs. ‘Weak.’
‘Dude, this is serious!’ Sam snaps. ‘What if her drink got spiked or something?’
Nick sits down next to me, doesn’t say anything.
Finn shakes his head. ‘The hotel has top security. If there was drink spiking, I’d know. Don’t worry.’
‘How can she be so drunk so soon? What did she have?’
‘Sam!’ Finn yells. ‘You have to calm down! We don’t know any more than you do. She’s been at the party for, like, an hour. She could have drank anything in that time.’
‘That’s what I’m saying! We should get her to a hospital!’
Finn sighs. ‘It’s really not a big deal. Just let her sleep.’
Sam kneels beside Kristyna, checking her pulse.
‘She’ll be fine,’ I say gently. ‘She just needs to sleep it off, and when she wakes up, she’ll just need lots of water. ‘’Kay?’
Sam doesn’t take his eyes off her.

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 3

2010-11-14T23:13:00.000+11:00

3. The Hotel Heir

As we are moving to second period, Finn mentions that he’s having a party next week.
‘It’s going to be in the ballroom of the Wakefield,’ he tells me.
Okay, before you ask just how much money Finn has in order to rent a ballroom in a hotel for a high school party, you should probably know that his full name is Finnegan Wakefield III, grandson of the founder of Wakefield Hotels and Resorts. Of course, since Finnegan Wakefield Snr. Snr. passed away five years ago, Finn’s father has been managing the hotels. If not for the senior Wakefield being in the news all the time, I guess we’d all doubt the existence of Finn’s parents since they never seem to be around to, er, “discipline” him, unlike the rest of our workaholic and/or spa-hopping parents.
‘Is there a theme?’ I ask.
Finn nods. ‘It’s, uh, Valentine’s Day.’ He laughs nervously. ‘Kinda Kristy’s idea.’ He starts to turn the corner at the Humanities Block. ‘I’m going to History now; I’ll see you at recess?’
I nod, smiling and somehow find myself awkwardly falling into step with Sam.
‘Hey.’
‘Hey,’ I say.
He licks his lips. ‘So…you’re going to Finn’s?’ he asks.
I nod. ‘…Are you?’
‘Yeah…’ he says.
Of course he’s going. Finn is Sam’s best friend, although you’d never find either of them admitting their unbreakable bond (read: bromance).
‘Um… I’m going to go now…’ Sam says.
‘Oh okay…’
‘Yeah…’
‘Bye, then.’
‘Bye.’
The awkwardness you just witnessed is a result of the ever-present fact that Sam and I actually used to date. We broke up just last year, before summer started, causing several people – including Finn – to lose money in a bet on how long we would last. Apparently we were right up there with Frank Chase and Alexis Wonders, the couple most likely to marry – but they’re a different story.

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 2

2010-10-08T13:37:00.000+11:00

Chapter 2: Back To School

The bell rang at 9, but I’ve just reached my locker. It’s only the second day of school and I’m already late; that has got to be some sort of record, but hey, it’s high school.

Now I don’t know what high school means to you, but for the upper-class kids at Ashton Grammar, “high school” is equivalent to parties and social events where everyone spills vodka on the floor and a playlist entitled The World’s Worst Songs always seems to be blasting from subwoofers; girls and boys hooking up, breaking up, making up; coming to school late, leaving in the middle of the day to go to the city, skipping “unimportant” classes more than we should; and plenty of fucking bad mornings-after.

I open the door of my English classroom at 9:08 – according to the time on the screensaver of my phone – and jump into the first seat I see, next to some random kid I have probably never spoken to before.

‘Miss Dickson,’ our teacher, Mrs Clayton, addresses me. ‘If you had come to class on time, you would have noticed that we have a seating plan.’ She points to the board, where a diagram of the classroom maps out where we’re supposed to sit and who with. ‘Please move and sit with Mr Lonsdale.’

I am actually extremely thankful that I can actually sit with someone I know and like, rather than the weird kid who has started to not-so-subtly pick his nose.

And, yes, my surname is Dickson. Just don’t make too big a deal out of it – I’ve heard all the penis-related jokes there are.

‘Elsie,’ Nick greets me as I sit, his eyes glued to Mrs Clayton, who has now proceeded to outline today’s lesson.

‘Why are you watching the teacher so intently?’ I ask, frowning. Nick is one of those people who sits in the back row and makes rude – absolutely hilarious – comments about everything, so this is definitely out of the ordinary.

‘Because, unlike some people, I actually want to pass English,’ he hisses.

‘Which is code for…?’

He sighs. ‘I don’t think I can afford to get in trouble again.’

I stifle my laughter with extreme difficulty. ‘Is this because of what happened yesterday?’

Nick nods.

Really, what happened yesterday was no big deal, but it’s probably the reason for both the seating arrangements and Nick’s odd behaviour. Basically, it was like every lesson: our group talking incessantly, not paying attention. But then when Mrs Clayton told us to collect some sheets from the front of the class, Nick decided to commando-roll over a row of tables, taking books and other various items of stationery to the floor with him. We were all laughing so hard, some of us couldn’t even stand. Obviously Mrs Clayton has a very different sense of humour to us though because she went crazy, screaming at everyone and making all sorts of threats at Nick. Luckily, the bell rang so we all just walked out before she could properly punish us. Bar the seating plan, I guess.

‘This is a quiz on everything you were meant to study over the summer,’ Mrs Clayton says, distributing sheets of paper around the room. I assume Nick’s antics have caused her to not trust us enough to take them for ourselves, even though we’re all due to become legal adults sometime this year. ‘It covers all of our texts and you only have half an hour to complete it. Go.’

When we’ve finished, we swap them with the person next to us as she reads out the answers.

I hand Nick’s test back to him when I finish adding up his score. ‘Seventeen out of twenty,’ I say. ‘Not too shabby.’

‘Jesus, Elsie!’ Nick exclaims as he finishes correcting mine. ‘Twenty out of twenty. One hundred per cent!’

I bite my lip.

‘Tell me, how do you do it?’ he asks. ‘How do you ace everything without doing any work?’

Now that isn’t true. I don’t “ace” anything, really. In fact, I pretty much failed Biology last year, which is why I thought it was best to drop it for Year 12. The only reason Nick thinks I’m a good student is because I just happened to fluke that quiz and get full marks.

I can already tell this year is going to be a complete drainer. I mean, everything we do in VCE is supposed to impact on our entire futures. Which is exactly why we spend all our time killing our brain cells with obscene amounts of alcohol, and rushing to do homework weeks after it is due.

But despite the matter-of-fact exterior and party-first-study-later mentality the majority of us have adopted in the past few years, we’re all freaking out under the surface. We know we’ll have to deal with the reality of exams and all that shit eventually, but for now, we just want to rock on until we figure out exactly how to.

Eyelash Wishes - Chapter 1

2010-10-01T21:30:00.001+10:00

It's only us.

Chapter 1: 2009

‘TEN!’
The boy looks down at me.
‘NINE!’
He’s grinning with his head tilted to the side.
‘EIGHT!’
He places his hands on my hips.
‘SEVEN!’
He draws me closer to him.
‘SIX!’
I reach up.
‘FIVE!’
My hands are on his shoulders.
‘FOUR!’
He leans in.
‘THREE!’
‘Don’t tell my girlfriend, okay?’ he whispers.
‘TWO!’
‘What?’
‘ONE!’
He plants his lips on mine.
‘HAPPY NEW YEAR!’

Shit.

They say that the way you spend New Year’s Eve is how you’re going to spend the rest of the year.
If that’s true, then I guess I’m going to be spending 2009 making out with random guys who don’t tell me they have a girlfriend until it’s too late. Please don’t think this means I’m a massive slut; I’m not.
This kind of thing is acceptable for several reasons:

1. It’s New Year’s Eve; you’re meant to kiss a stranger at midnight.
2. I didn’t actually know this guy had a girlfriend until two seconds ago.
3. Everyone else I know does it, so it must be okay.

I push the guy off and turn away. ‘See ya, Alan.’
‘Adam!’ he corrects me.
‘Whatever.’
I stumble back over to our table. A girl with vividly red hair is sitting on Finn’s lap, whispering something in his ear. Finn chuckles.
Finn is probably the thinnest guy I know – scrawny, with just the right amount of collarbone sticking out of his chest. It’s kind of hard to believe that a girl is actually sitting on him.
I roll my eyes at them.
Finn whispers something at the girl and she gets up and disappears into the crowd.
‘Happy new year, Elsie! Having fun?’ Finn asks.
I shrug. ‘More or less. You are, obviously,’ I nod towards the redhead, who is now leaning over the bar.
Finn nods. ‘She is pretty hot.’
‘Happy new year!’ Sam yells as he joins us, his hands on Finn’s shoulders. ‘What’re you guys talking about? I heard something about someone being hot.’
‘The girl Finn just hooked up with.’
Sam wiggles his eyebrows. ‘See, that’s the best thing about having a friend like you, Elsie – not only can you appreciate the perverted musings of your friends, you participate in it too.’
They both grin at me.
I shake my head, smiling. ‘Yup. I’m just as superficial and piggy as the rest of you guys.’
The redhead comes back, carrying a brightly coloured drink in her hand. Finn stands and takes her hand as they go back to the dance floor.
Sam clears his throat.
I stare at the coloured lights reflecting on the floor.
‘Um…’ Sam says.
‘What?’ I ask.
He shakes his head. ‘I didn’t… I didn’t say anything.’ He starts laughing at something behind me.
I turn around to see Nick dancing over to us, singing Metro Station’s “Kelsey”:
‘Oh Elsie! I’d swim the ocean for you!’
I laugh. ‘You are so lame.’
He ignores me and bends down to kiss my hand. ‘Happy new year to you too. Dance with me, Els?’
I smile and stand up, letting him lead me onto the floor.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 33

2009-09-25T20:33:00.001+10:00

‘Could everyone please turn to Chapter 15: Vectors –’
‘Luke!’ Cam yelled, interrupting Luke’s Maths class.
‘How nice of you to make an appearance, Cameron,’ Mrs Douglas said, picking up a piece of chalk.
‘I’ve been released,’ Cam told her. ‘I was packing to leave. I need to see Luke.’
‘Please don’t interrupt my class,’ Mrs Douglas said.
‘No, really, I need to talk to him,’ Cam protested.
Mrs Douglas walked towards the door. ‘Please leave, Cameron.’
‘Luke!’ Cam yelled from behind Mrs Douglas. ‘Karen’s gone!’
Luke stood with a jolt and walked out of the room past his teacher without saying a word.
Cam began jogging across the campus and Luke followed.
‘I have no idea where she went,’ Cam panted as they ran into the cabin. ‘I was packing my things, and I wanted to say goodbye to her. Then I found this.’ He handed him a note scribbled on the back of one of Luke’s Rehabilitation papers:

Luke,
Ron called. He knows where I am and he wants to come find me so I’ll tell him where Mum is but I don’t know so I’m leaving.
Sorry.
-Karen.

Luke’s face paled. He ran a hand through his messy brown hair.
Cam’s phone started beeping. He looked at it. ‘I have to go,’ he told Luke. ‘My car’s here.’
Luke stared at him, his eyes hollow, like he did not quite understand. Then, his breathing heavy and Karen’s note clasped delicately in his thin hands, he walked out of the room.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 32

2009-09-19T21:45:00.001+10:00

As Cam and Luke approached their table, both carrying plates full of more food than they needed, they noticed the rest of the group clinking chipped and yellowed glasses of water with one another.
‘Hey hey,’ Cam greeted them. ‘What are we toasting?’
‘Tori’s been released!’ Laura said excitedly.
‘Really?’ He put his plate down on the table and held his arms out. ‘Me too!’
Tori squealed and jumped up from her seat to hug him tightly.
Luke silently wrapped some slices of bread in a napkin as the group celebrated their graduation.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 31

2009-09-13T18:46:00.001+10:00

Chapter 31

‘… I don’t want to leave him alone,’ Cam was saying to Karen as he paced past the door of the cabin. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Luke. ‘Hey, dude!’ he said loudly. ‘What’s up?’
Luke stared at him. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked, walking into the cabin.
Cam nodded vigorously.
‘Hey Luke,’ Karen greeted him. She was lying on Ritchie’s old bed, wearing a big trucker hat Luke had never seen before, chewing gum and throwing a tennis ball at the low ceiling.
Luke nodded at her and tossed the stapled sheets with advice about “healing” on the floor, amongst various other papers and pamphlets. He flopped down on his bed.
Cam nervously ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair and took a few quick steps towards his bed. He kicked off his skate shoes before deciding to pull them back on again.
Luke sat up and furrowed his brow at him. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’
Cam ignored him, fiddling with the buckle of a belt that was lying on the floor.
‘Luke, I got released,’ he squeaked, suddenly standing up.
Luke blinked. ‘What?’
Karen stopped throwing the ball and watched the two boys.
Cam exhaled and walked over to Luke’s bed. ‘I got released,’ he said slowly.
Luke stared at him, shocked, but his face slowly evolved into a broad grin. ‘That’s great!’ He stood and hugged Cam tightly.
It is a good thing that when people hug they cannot see one another’s faces, because if Cam had seen Luke’s, he would have also seen the insincerity shining in his eyes.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapters 28-30

2009-09-07T21:31:00.002+10:00

Hey guys,
I'm so sorry; I know I've been M.I.A. lately. I've just been really busy lately, and I actually didn't think anyone was still reading this. To be completely honest, I was sort of getting over this story myself. But to those of you loyal readers (and thanks very much to Fatee who reminded me that there are still some of you), here's a bonus three chapters to somewhat make up for my absence.
Happy reading!!

Chapter 28
‘How did you find your test release?’ Mr Wellner asked Luke.

‘Shit, it’s Ron…
‘We have to get out of here!
‘… Out the back door!’

‘Fine,’ he replied with a shrug.
‘Did it feel good to have a break?’ Mr Wellner asked.
Luke nodded.
‘And did you have any temptation to cut yourself?’

This is us, remember? Our family? Nothing is ever going to be “all right”.’

Luke shook his head. ‘No.’

Chapter 29
Cam took two slices from the pile on their table and wrapped them in a napkin.
‘So how’s she doing?’ Tori asked Luke tentatively. She bit into a piece of cold, butter-covered toast.
Luke fumbled with a browning apple and sighed. ‘Not bad, I guess. This is kind of a luxury for us.’ He laughed nervously.
‘What do you mean?’
Luke opened his mouth to answer when he noticed Callum and Laura, holding hands and bounding into the Lunchroom. Cam and Tori turned to see what Luke was staring at.
‘That’s odd,’ Cam noted.
‘Yeah,’ Luke agreed, frowning.
Tori shrugged and returned to her toast. ‘They’re just holding hands.’
‘No they’re not!’ Cam protested. ‘I mean, they’re always holding hands,’ he amended. ‘It’s just… No one here is ever that happy. Look at them! They’re skipping…’
When Callum and Laura approached the table, Cam, Luke and Tori stared at them curiously.
Callum and Laura looked at one another, apparently debating who was going to start talking first.
‘We got released!’ Laura squealed excitedly.
‘Both of you?’ Cam asked slowly.
Laura nodded vigorously, gripping Callum’s arm.
He grinned and put his plate on the table. ‘Oh, I forgot to get juice. I’ll be right back.’ He kissed Laura’s head before walking away from the table.
Laura took a seat next to Tori, beaming.
Tori grabbed her arm. ‘Why are you so happy?’ she hissed.
Laura looked at her weirdly. ‘I just got released. Why wouldn’t I be happy?’
Tori sighed. ‘You’re going to have to go home. Back to Hartherville.’
‘And…?’
‘And Callum’s going back to the country.’
Laura looked suddenly shocked.
‘So this is the demise of your relationship with Callum,’ Cam concluded.
‘No.’ Laura shook her head. ‘We’ll work something out. He’s 21, he’ll move out.’ But her words sounded hollow.
The table was silent.
Callum returned, carrying a glass of long-life orange juice. ‘What’s up, y’all?’
Laura stared up at him, gripping his grey cotton sleeve. ‘I don’t want to leave,’ she whispered.

Chapter 30
‘Now pair yourselves up for this next exercise,’ Wellner ordered.
Luke and Tori sat together next to the dirt-covered window of the Group Therapy room.
‘So how was your Test Release?’ she asked him.
He shrugged. ‘Okay, I guess.’
She sighed. ‘Luke, what’s going on?’
Mr Wellner began giving them instructions for their exercise, a method of talking about problems with a peer, rather than a counsellor.
Luke shook his head. ‘Nothing.’
Tori rolled her eyes. ‘You’ve been acting weird towards me lately. Why?’
He shook his head again and laughed. ‘No I haven’t.’
‘Yes, you have,’ she whined. ‘Please tell me why.’
Luke sighed. ‘Okay.’ He paused as Wellner passed by them. ‘You kissed me.’
‘And…?’
He shook his head. ‘I guess it didn’t mean anything to you.’
Tori frowned. ‘Did it mean something to you?’
Luke stared at the ground.
Tori gently placed her hand on his knee. ‘I like you, Luke. But things are just really confusing for me right now. With Penelope and everything… I guess that kiss was just a heat-of-the-moment thing. I’m really sorry.’
Luke continued to stare at the ground.
‘Tori,’ Mr Wellner said as he approached the pair. ‘I need to see you after Group Therapy.’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 27

2009-05-16T23:34:00.002+10:00

Hey guys,
I realise I haven't updated for, like, a month, but don't worry; I haven't neglected those of you who are still reading completely!
Here's the next chapter, folks.
As always, happy reading!

‘It’s probably better if you don’t leave the room,’ Luke told Karen as they entered cabin W12. ‘I just don’t want any of the counsellors finding you and kicking you out.’
Karen stared around the cabin dubiously and dropped her bag on the floor. ‘As long as I have a place to stay where I’m not dying, it really doesn’t matter. Can’t be worse than living in a public bathroom for ten days in winter, can it?’

Luke was slumped against a grimy wall next to an off-white toilet bowl. His hair was long, almost shoulder-length and so oily it was sticking to his face. Karen was leaning against him, her hair also greasy and her face drained of life and replaced with a greenish tinge.
The stench of the public bathroom was so potent it was suffocating, and a fluorescent light flickered threateningly above them.
‘This place is disgusting,’ Karen croaked.
‘Just go to sleep,’ Luke whispered, pulling an itchy, moth-eaten blanket tighter around them. ‘The sooner we sleep, the sooner this nightmare will be over.’
‘Why couldn’t we just go to a shelter?’ she complained.
Luke shook his head. ‘He’d find us. He always does.’

Luke grimaced at the memory and walked to the beds in the corner. ‘Since Ritchie’s gone, you can have his bed,’ he said, pointing to the now vacant space that once belonged to alcohol-abusive Ritchie.
The door flung open, banging against the wall beside it. Cam was standing at the entrance, his suitcase standing beside him and his hands thrown into the air. The sun was shining from behind him, creating a bright aura around his frame.
‘Lukester!’ he said excitedly, leaping forward and hugging him tightly.
Luke stiffened.
‘How’ve you been, buddy?’ Cam asked, releasing him and patting his shoulder roughly.
Luke nodded. ‘Not bad,’ he said slowly. ‘My sister’s –’
‘You know, you’d think it’d be absolutely shithouse, coming back here,’ Cam rambled, striding into the room and wheeling his suitcase behind him. ‘But it’s really not that –’
He spotted Karen sitting cross-legged on the bed, wearing a tattered oversized jumper. ‘Who are you?’ he asked.
‘Karen,’ she introduced herself. ‘Luke’s sister.’
Cam’s face took on a look of shock. He looked at Luke and then back at his sister. ‘What?!’ he exclaimed.
‘It’s a long story,’ she muttered, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears.
‘So, are you…?’ Cam said slowly.
Karen shook her head quickly. ‘No,’ she laughed. ‘I’m not here for rehab…’
‘She’s only going to be hiding out here a little while,’ Luke said.
Cam shrugged. ‘Yeah, that’s cool. We’ll sneak you food and stuff from the Lunchroom,’ he told her, grinning.
She gave him a small smile. ‘Thanks.’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 26

2009-04-10T15:42:00.001+10:00

‘Carol!’ a deep, scratchy voice called out.
‘Shit!’ Karen hissed. ‘It’s Ron!’
‘What?!’ Luke exclaimed.
‘We have to get out of here!’ Her face was white with panic beyond the tears streaming down it, but she grabbed the open bag on the bed and ran, barefoot, past Luke, hissing, ‘Let’s go out the back door!’
Luke sprinted down the hall, snatching his bags from the front just as Ron turned the door handle.
His steel-toed boots thundered on the dusty hardwood floor as he entered the house.
Karen turned the handle of the back door. Its hinges creaked as it opened.
‘Carol! Are you here?’ Ron bellowed. ‘I can hear the back door!’
She winced. ‘Shit.’ She threw the door open and jumped outside. Luke flew after her.
They ran as fast as people can run while carrying duffle bags, a mixture of adrenaline and fear propelling them faster and faster.
‘Jess’s house is just around this corner,’ Karen wheezed, her bare feet making gentle patting noises on the concrete.
They stopped running on the rough front lawn of a small house, the paint of which was off-white and pitted.
Karen threw the duffle bag over a fence by the side and motioned for Luke to follow her as she climbed over the fence.
Once on the other side, Karen hammered the back door, the flyscreen rattling under her fist.
‘Jess!’ she called out. ‘Are you here?’
A girl with matted chestnut-coloured hair cut at her chin opened the door.
‘Hey Karen,’ she said. ‘Are you okay?’
Karen nodded, running a hand through her blonde hair and rushing past Jess. Luke followed.
‘What’s going on?’ Jess asked them.
Karen’s eyes glazed over again and she rubbed her nose. ‘Ron’s back,’ she gasped.
Jess glanced concernedly back and forth between the brother and sister. ‘Are you guys okay? Did he hurt you?’
Karen shook her head. ‘We left just as he came back.’
‘So what did this guy say to Mum?’ Luke asked suddenly.
Karen sighed, slumping against the wall of the laundry. ‘I don’t know. I came home from school and that note was on the table and she was gone.’ She paused. ‘He’s never done anything to her, but you know the types of guys she dates. It’s only a matter of time before he tries to kill one of us.’
Luke stared at the ground. ‘How long have they been together?’
‘Almost six months,’ Karen answered. ‘They got together, like, right after you left.’
‘Listen, you guys can stay here, but only for a week because my parents are coming back from their trip on Friday,’ Jess told them. ‘Do you have somewhere else to go?’
Karen looked at Luke. ‘The Rehab Centre,’ she muttered.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 25

2009-04-03T17:47:00.001+11:00

When Luke opened the door to his house, he was greeted with the familiar smell of home, which one generally becomes accustomed to over time, but knows like no other scent. However, simultaneously, he was greeted with the sight of open empty cupboards and a few unnecessary items – cans of food, pieces of clothing, and a sheet of paper – scattered about carelessly on the ground.
Luke dropped his bags and picked up the note on the ground.
It read:

Karen,
When I tried to break up with Ron, he threatened to kill us both. I can’t stay with him so I’m leaving town on my own. I can’t tell you where I’m going because I don’t want him to find me. You should try to leave too, sometime by the end of this week. I’ve left you some money.
Don’t worry, we’ll be together again someday.
-Mum.

At that moment he heard a sob somewhere in the house.
Luke entered the house, leaving his bags at the entrance and carrying his mother’s note with him.
Karen was sitting on a bed next to a duffle bag, her head in her hands. The room was empty and although there were no curtains on the window, there was little light. The bare shelves were dusty and clothes were carelessly strewn across the bed and floor.
As Luke sat down next to her, she lifted her head. Her face was streaked with blackened tears and her cheeks were flushed.
‘Luke,’ she whispered. ‘You’re back.’
He shook his head. ‘Only for a week.’
She wiped the tears from her face and stood up quickly. ‘We have to get out of here.’
Luke lifted the note. ‘Who’s Ron?’
Karen started crying again. ‘Mum’s boyfriend.’ She began frantically grabbing things and shoving them into the bag. ‘He’ll kill me if he comes here and finds me!’
‘Karen.’ He took her hand. ‘Listen, everything is going to be all right.’
She wrenched her hand away from him and scoffed, roughly wiping away her tears. ‘Sounds like rehab’s doing wonders for you,’ she droned sarcastically. ‘Wake up! This is us, remember? Our family? Nothing is ever going to be “all right”.’

‘But I have a family to look after! I mean, look at my kids! You can’t evict us! We have nowhere to go!’
‘Sorry, Miss,’ the landlord, a burly man with rotting teeth, greasy hair and a snake tattoo on his arm grumbled. ‘You can’t pay the rent, you can’t stay here.’
A young Luke and Karen hugged their mother tightly.
‘Where are we going to go?’ she wailed.

‘The Rehab Centre,’ Luke whispered.
‘What?’ Karen asked angrily.
‘Come back with me, to the Centre,’ he said.
Karen shook her head. ‘No,’ she protested. ‘I don’t need you to look after me.’
Luke sighed. ‘Karen, you’ve got nowhere else to go.’
‘Yes, I do,’ she rebutted.
Luke folded his arms. ‘Where?’
‘I’m sleeping at Jess’s.’
‘For how long?’
‘Just this week.’
‘And then what?’ Luke demanded. ‘You’ll just move from friend’s house to friend’s house until Mum decides she’s going to stop running and come back? You could be doing this for years. Have you completely forgotten that we were raised by some old lady for three years after Dad left?’

‘Mrs Lieberman!’ Their mother rapped loudly on the peeling paint of the front door before them.
Karen and Luke stared up at the door as it opened and a frail old woman stood behind it.
Their mother pushed them inside. ‘Could you please look after the kids? It’s just for a week or so, I swear. Just until I can get enough money to start myself up again.’ Then she turned around and ran down the street.
Mrs Lieberman turned to Luke and Karen. ‘What happened?’ she asked.
‘Daddy took all our money,’ Karen lisped.

Tears began to well up in Karen’s eyes again.
A key clicked in the door.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 24

2009-03-27T19:15:00.001+11:00

‘Test Release,’ Cam said through gritted teeth. ‘Goddamn fucking Test Release.’
He shoved open the door marked W12.
‘How was it?’ Ritchie queried excitedly over the bunch of clothes in his arms.
Luke shook his head slowly.
‘Test fucking Release,’ Cam answered angrily, crumpling the piece of paper in his hand.
‘Whoa, dude, calm down,’ Ritchie said. ‘What happened?’
‘We both got Test Release for next week,’ Cam replied grimly.
Luke went to sit on his bed.
‘Oh,’ Ritchie said slowly, staring at the ground. ‘Don’t worry about it. I mean, isn’t Test Release one step towards being released?’
‘But you didn’t even do Test Release!’ Cam exclaimed, throwing his hands up.
‘Cam,’ Luke said slowly.
‘No!’ Cam yelled. ‘I’m so fucking sick of this place! They don’t know anything! I don’t have a “problem”! I burnt down a house one fucking time! And I’ve been here almost a year! And fucking Test Release twice… You know what? I’m so fucking tempted to burn this fucking Rehab Centre to the ground!’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 23

2009-03-20T20:22:00.001+11:00

Shafts of sunlight shone through the stained window, breathing warmth through the torn curtains that clothed it.
Luke stirred in his bed. He rolled over to look at the clock on the bedside table. 12:30pm. His head hurt from the night before as he dragged himself slowly out of bed, rubbing his eyes.
Suddenly the door was thrown open and Cam stood at the entrance grinning. ‘Good morning, New York!’
‘Wha - ?’ Luke mumbled, staring at him.
‘Hungover?’ Cam asked him, grinning.
Luke rolled his eyes. ‘You can’t even imagine.’
Cam laughed. ‘I’m pretty hungover myself.’
Luke frowned at him. ‘No you’re not.’
‘Seriously, I am! I’m just ignoring it. It is a good day.’
‘Why’s that?’ Luke asked, staring at him.
‘Ritchie just came back from a meeting with Wellner,’ Cam explained. ‘And he got released!’
‘Really?’ Luke asked.
Cam nodded excitedly. ‘That’s not all,’ he continued. ‘Wellner told Ritchie to come get us because he wants to see us! Do you know what this means?’
‘Not really,’ Luke croaked.
‘We get to leave, man!’ Cam took his shoulders and shook them.
‘Please,’ Luke said, gingerly, ‘I might throw up on you.’
Cam immediately let go of him.
‘What are you talking about?’ Luke asked him, his voice still croaky.
Cam breathed in slowly. ‘Ritchie got called to see Wellner. He got released. We’ve been called to see Wellner, so…’
‘We’ll get released,’ Luke realised slowly.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 22

2009-03-08T13:09:00.000+11:00

Luke threw open the door of the girls’ bathroom, ran into a vacant cubicle and let his insides empty themselves. He leaned over the toilet bowl and sighed, staring into the yellow-green mess he had made.
His mouth opened again. More mess.
‘Ugh…’ he moaned. His hands slowly slid off the toilet seat and he lay on the ground, his head spinning.
After what felt like a day, he got up slowly and went to the sink. He turned on the tap and felt the cool water on his hands. He cupped them and threw some on his face and neck. He stared at himself in the mirror. There were two of him, both with bloodshot eyes, messy hair and a mouth hanging open. He turned away from his double reflection and left the bathroom.
He stared at the ground as he made his way out of the toilet, and straight into another cabin, where he could just sit and rest.
He was wrong.
Tori was on the bed with Penelope.
‘Luke!’ Tori exclaimed.
Someone cleared their throat from behind Luke. ‘And what, exactly, is going on here?’
The three turned around to see Mr Wellner standing at the doorway.
‘You are in a rehabilitation centre!’ he bellowed them. ‘It is five hours past your curfew! Go to bed, now!’
Luke stumbled out of the room.
‘You two, I want to see you both in my office tomorrow,’ he scolded the girls after Luke had begun walking down the hallway.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 21

2009-02-28T18:14:00.000+11:00

Luke’s eyes were bloodshot and he was leaning on the bar. Cam was screaming the lyrics to a pop song and banging the surface of the bar. Luke laughed weakly.
‘Hey, Cam,’ Luke said to him, drunkenly.
Cam continued banging the bar.
‘Cam!’ Luke yelled, grabbing his arm and shaking it, and then, when Cam gave him his attention, ‘I heard you talking on Christmas Day.’
‘Hmm?’ Cam asked him, his eyes wide.
‘I heard you talking about me.’
‘Oh. Oh yeah, that. Are you… Are you mad, dude?’
Luke shook his head. ‘I just wanted to say…you know…thanks. Or whatever.’
Cam grinned. ‘No probs. Always willing to help out a friend in need. I love you, man. Now, do you want to celebrate the New Year or what?’
Luke grinned. ‘Here’s to that,’ he said, raising his beer bottle.
The music suddenly stopped. People began cursing in whispers, ducking under beds and behind tables, bottles in hand.
‘Relax, family!’ came a voice.
Cam and Luke turned around. Behind them, with a plastic cup in her hand, they saw the girl that was supposedly hosting the party, Penelope. Two girls were standing behind her, and another was standing next to her. Luke and Cam both blinked when they realised it was Tori, holding a cup in one hand, and Penelope’s hand in her other.
‘Everyone, it is almost time for the countdown to New Years!’
Applause erupted around them, and Luke and Cam joined in, clapping and yelling.
‘So are you guys ready?’
More yelling, more applause.
‘Okay…’
‘TEN!’ the crowd called in unison, ‘NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!’
‘Happy New Year, Lukester,’ Cam said, raising his beer bottle so it met Luke’s. ‘Do you want to try shots again?’
Luke nodded, before drinking the last drops of his beer.
He took the tiny glass from in front of him and brought it to his lips, throwing his head back and draining it quickly. He repeated this action several times, as Cam ordered more and more liquor, and shelled out more and more cash to pay for it.
‘Hey, bartender!’ Cam called to a skinny pale acne-ridden 16-year-old behind the bar, who was clearly not the bartender. ‘One more round, please!’
‘Cam,’ Luke began, his speech slow and slurred.
Cam laughed loudly. He held up one finger. ‘One more, Lukester.’
Luke shrugged. ‘Okay.’ He drank the shot quickly and felt his stomach lurch. ‘Hey, man, I need…the bathroom.’
‘Yeah, that’s fine, dude! Don’t fall in!’ He was laughing so hard he keeled over and fell right off the barstool.
The “bartender” stared at him, his brow furrowed. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, I’m fine!’ Cam yelled as he lay on the floor, laughing. ‘Are you okay?’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 20

2009-02-20T13:22:00.001+11:00

‘This is going to be the party of the century,’ Tori said to the group on New Years Eve. The sky was growing dark, and they were all walking down to the girls’ cabins.
‘Yeah, it’ll be awesome,’ Cam said, his face wild and happy. ‘We’ll all get drunk and go crazy!’
Tori leaned up to knock on the door of the girls’ cabins and, after a few seconds, the door opened, exhaling the sounds of deafening music and drunken yells with it. There stood the girl that Tori had pointed out to the group only a few days ago, holding a cup in her hand and staring at them. ‘Yeah?’
Tori began to stutter. ‘Uh, could we, you know, come in?’
The girl frowned, her eyebrows knitted together and her lips pursed. ‘You want admission?’
‘Yeah,’ Tori breathed. ‘Admission. That’s right.’
‘No,’ the girl said flatly.
She began to close the door, but Tori pushed it open again.
‘But, it’s me, Tori,’ she said nervously.
The girl blinked. She looked Tori up and down before, ‘Who?’
Tori bit her lip. ‘Tori,’ she said again. ‘Remember, we had dinner together a few nights ago?’
The girl frowned, staring at her for a long time. Then she shrugged. ‘I’m not fussed.’ She began to move to let them in.
‘Wait, Penelope,’ Tori said.
‘Tori!’ Cam hissed. ‘What the hell are you doing?’
She glared at him in a not-so-subtle manner.
Penelope broke into a laugh. ‘What?’
‘Do you even know who I am? I mean, I thought we had something the other night.’
Penelope smiled. ‘I’m sorry. I’m kind of drunk right now. Now come in before Wellner catches us all.’
Loud techno music was playing from large speakers in the hall and someone had set up one of the rooms to look like a bar, with beer and liquor bottles everywhere.
‘Hey, man, you want to get a drink?’ Cam asked Luke, nudging him.
Luke nodded.
They both entered the “bar” and ordered drinks. Luke dug out his wallet to pay for his shot, when Cam stopped him. ‘This round’s on me.’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 19

2009-02-13T15:38:00.002+11:00

‘So there’s this party that’s planned for New Years Eve,’ Tori was saying at dinner. ‘It’s held in the girls’ cabins and it’s very exclusive; only a select few people are allowed in.’
‘Are you guys going?’ Callum asked.
‘I don’t know… Maybe,’ Laura said, unsure.
‘What?! Only maybe? I’m definitely going! Do you know who’s holding it?’ Tori challenged, her face excited.
‘Do you?’ Laura challenged.
‘Okay. Fine. I don’t know her name, but I will,’ she assured them all.
Ritchie gave her a look. ‘Is this another one of your lesbian trips, Tori?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘No! Don’t be stupid, Ritchie.’
‘You know Wellner’s going to crack it at you if he ever finds out,’ Ritchie warned her.
‘He’ll crack it at everyone in the Centre just because there’s a party on!’ Laura pointed out.
‘If he finds out,’ Tori said mischievously. ‘So, who’s coming with me?’
‘I thought you said it was exclusive. Wait. Who’s holding it again?’ Cam asked her.
‘I told you already, I don’t know her name.’
Cam raised an eyebrow at her.
‘But she’s totally gorgeous,’ Tori said quickly. ‘Oh my God! There she is! Wait, no, don’t look at her… Okay, she’s looking away now. Look!’
Everyone at the table turned to see a tall, thin girl with startling green eyes, her skin clinging to her fragile-looking bones, visible beneath her miniskirt and singlet top.
‘Well, we can see what her problem is,’ Ritchie joked.
‘Yeah,’ Callum agreed. ‘That is the most obvious anorexic I have ever seen.’
‘Yet you won’t stop staring at her,’ Laura rebuked.
Callum turned to face her and put his arm around her. ‘Love you,’ he whispered, pressing his nose against hers.
‘Love you too,’ she said before kissing him.
‘You guys are pathetic,’ Tori said, rolling her eyes.
‘Um, I think wanting to go to an apparently “exclusive” party with some girl when you don’t even know her name, kind of makes you the pathetic one,’ Laura corrected.
‘Listen,’ Tori begged. ‘We are going to that party. Just watch this.’
She stood up from the table and walked boldly over to the girl, who was standing just outside the Lunchroom, apparently waiting for someone. Tori greeted her casually, and the two struck up what seemed to be a very forced conversation.
‘Okay…’ Cam said slowly, turning back to the table.
Luke bit his lip.
As if reading his mind, Cam leaned closer and whispered, ‘So what’s going on with you and Tori anyway?’
Luke shrugged. ‘I don’t think she’s interested…’
Ritchie, Callum and Laura all exchanged looks.
‘What’s going on?’ Ritchie asked.
‘Nothi –’
‘He made out with Tori,’ Cam interrupted him blatantly.
Luke’s face went red.
‘What?!’ Ritchie, Callum and Laura exclaimed in unison.
‘It was just a kiss,’ Luke mumbled, staring down at the table.
‘You know she’s a lesbian, right?’ Callum asked.
Ritchie shook his head. ‘She’s only bisexual,’ he corrected.
‘Oh please,’ Laura whined, ‘“bisexual” is just a pit-stop on the way to lesbianism.’
‘That’s from a show, isn’t it?’ Ritchie asked.
Laura frowned. ‘Oh what, you don’t think I could come up with witticisms on my own?’
‘You guys!’ Cam interrupted. He slung an arm around Luke and brought him in close. ‘Our friend Luke is having a hard time!’
Luke laughed nervously. ‘Really, it’s nothing.’
‘Are you going to talk to her about it?’ Laura asked.
Luke sighed. ‘I don’t know.’
Callum shook his head. ‘Don’t bother,’ he advised him. ‘It seems like she’s already made up her mind.’ He nodded at something behind them.
They all turned around to see Tori sitting at a table with the extremely skinny girl and her friends.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 18

2009-02-06T14:48:00.002+11:00

He awoke, but did not open his eyes.
‘Don’t say that, Ritchie,’ Cam’s voice was saying sternly. ‘They probably just didn’t know.’
‘What kind of parents don’t try to wish their kid a happy Christmas?’
‘I don’t know. But yours didn’t come either.’
Ritchie sighed. ‘That’s no surprise.’
Cam paused for a moment, before, ‘What time is it?’
The sound of movement beneath the sheets could be heard, before, ‘Eight.’
‘Ha! We’re up early!’
‘Yeah.’
There was a moment’s silence before, ‘Do you really think his family didn’t know about visitor’s day? Luke’s, I mean.’
‘I don’t know. I got the impression that maybe they were too proud to visit a Rehab centre. My parents are pretty proud.’ Cam’s voice said.
‘Mine are worse. They didn’t even come, remember?’ He paused. ‘But you do have to feel sorry for him. He’s always so quiet and it’s like… I can tell sometimes he doesn’t really know his place.’
‘I don’t know, dude. I hate to say stuff like that about him; he’s such a great guy.’
‘He doesn’t talk to me all that much,’ Ritchie muttered.
‘I don’t know… We’re getting along really well, and I feel like I should do something for him since his parents didn’t come yesterday.’
‘Nah, dude, don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself. You can’t do anything about it.’
‘But I should say something, shouldn’t I?’
Luke opened his eyes to see Ritchie, on his back, watching the ceiling and Cam, lying on his side, staring at Luke.
‘Morning, dude,’ Cam said, smiling.
Luke rubbed his eyes, pretending to have just awoken. ‘Hey,’ he said softly.
He took his hands away from his face, and his eyes met Cam’s. He stared into them, grey and slightly reddened due to having woken up not long ago. Cam knew. Cam knew he had been awake for most of the conversation, listening to them talk about how he was such an abandoned child, with a family that cared little for him. But had that been the only reason he had defended him?

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 17

2009-02-04T11:07:00.000+11:00

Luke stared at the wall as he was lying in bed. He hadn’t gone to dinner as he wasn’t sure he could stomach food at this point. Surely they had not decided against coming. He blinked. Maybe they just had not received the letter. His eyes began to water. Maybe it just got lost on the way to reaching them. He cried silently into the pillow. Maybe.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless go - Chapter 16

2009-02-03T22:06:00.001+11:00

Luke stirred. The humidity of his bed was almost comforting, making it very difficult to leave it.
‘Get up, fellow crazy children!’ a voice called loudly from the doorway.
A muffled ‘shut up’ was heard from Ritchie’s bed. Luke rolled over and saw Cam through the hair that had fallen upon his face.
‘My family and my best friend are coming today!’ Cam told them.
‘Oh yeah? Really?’ Ritchie said into his pillow. ‘You know what, Cam? That’s great, but I need my sleep.’
‘Nah, hey, come on, you’d want to meet him. Drew is awesome.’
‘Drew?’ Luke asked. ‘As in, Andrew?’

‘Andrew,’ Luke said, shaking his best friend’s shoulder. ‘Andrew, wake up.’
‘Mm…?’ Andrew’s face was smeared with blood and he was barely breathing.
The sounds of an ambulance became louder as the red and blue sirens came into view.
‘What happened?’ a paramedic asked Luke, stepping out of the van.
‘We…’ Luke choked. ‘Some guys… They beat him up…’ He watched through his tears as Andrew’s limp body was heaved onto a stretcher. Feeling completely numb, Luke followed the paramedics and climbed aboard the ambulance.

Cam nodded. ‘Yep. But it’s better if you don’t call him that – he hates that name. He’s been my best mate since we were Preps.’
Luke dragged himself out of the humid sheets and into the bathroom. It was about 30 degrees outside, but he forced himself to wear a jacket. The scars that ran down his wrists were still noticeable.
Callum found his parents right away. It was not difficult to notice Callum’s family. There were two girls, and four boys, including Callum.
Tori’s dad picked her up and spun her around, like a little girl. ‘Princess!’ he even called her.
Laura’s sister gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, and her parents did the same, asking her how she was and telling her that they missed her at home.
Ritchie’s older brother was his only visitor, shaking his hand and patting him on the back, asking him if he was ‘still crazy’.
‘Hey, Luke!’ Cam called, ‘I want you to meet some people.’
Luke walked over to Cam, who was standing with a woman and a man – obviously his parents – and a tall guy with dyed black hair.
‘These are my parents,’ Cam gestured to the woman and man, both dressed in business-like suits, who nodded in greeting, ‘and this,’ Cam gestured to the black-haired boy, ‘is Drew. This is the Lukester, everyone.’
Drew took his hand firmly and patted him on the back. ‘Cam tells me heaps about you, kid,’ he said.
One can find out a lot about a person simply by shaking their hand. The way Drew had shaken Luke’s hand – so firm and strong, almost strangling – told Luke that perhaps he was not wanted there. Drew’s smile almost looked forced, and as he spoke to Luke, his tone seemed threatening, although Luke could not understand why. He had not meant to intrude on Drew’s friendship with Cam.
‘Cameron,’ Cam’s mother said to him, ‘why don’t you introduce us to the wonderful people that have been counselling you? We can talk to your…friend…later.’ She added, looking Luke up and down with narrowed eyes.
Cam rolled his eyes, but agreed, turning around to wave at Luke. ‘Catcha, Lukester.’
Luke nodded.
He sat on the step and stared out at the car park, his legs shoulder width apart, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. His shadow moved slowly across the grass, and soon enough it disappeared completely, but he remained sitting, staring at the car park hopefully.
He felt someone sit to his left, and another person jump off the step on his right.
‘Luke,’ Tori’s voice said softly.
He felt a nudge to his right shoulder. ‘Dude, you okay?’ Cam asked him.
Luke nodded and rubbed his nose.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapters 14 & 15

2009-02-02T17:24:00.004+11:00

When Luke came to, he was lying on a plastic-covered bed that rustled loudly as he moved. The light bulb above him flickered sporadically and the sink adjacent to the bed was dripping loudly. The smell of vomit and urine was in the air.
He lifted his head slowly, trying to imagine how he had come here. His knees stung and an ice pack slid off his cheek as he sat up.
‘What happened?’ he asked no one in particularly.
‘You blacked out,’ a voice answered.
Tori was sitting on a stool in another corner.
‘Tori?’
‘That must be some pretty scarring memory,’ she commented.
‘What is?’
‘What you told me; about your father abusing you and your sister,’ she stated simply, like it was no big deal.
He stared down at his jeans, stained with grime from the kitchen floor. ‘Guess you’ve never felt like that,’ he mumbled.
‘But that’s not the end of the story, is it?’ she asked.
Luke sighed. ‘Look, I’m not telling you the rest,’ he declared. ‘Not if you’re going to treat it like it doesn’t matter.’
‘Nothing here matters,’ she informed him, rolling her eyes.
‘Listen, can you please leave?’
She ignored him and moved to sit on the bed with him. ‘No one here cares about anyone else’s problems because they’re all so preoccupied with their own. So, are you going to tell me your story or what?’
Luke sighed again. ‘Fine.’ He faltered a little, but after all, he had never told anyone – not even Mr Wellner – the real story of how things had happened. ‘My best friend died,’ he choked. ‘We’d gone out one night, and sort of got into a fight with these guys in an alleyway…’

‘This is ‘cause you’re a faggot,’ a boy in a leather jacket growled as he threw Andrew against a wall.
Andrew’s eyes were closed and his head rose and fell with the force, a mixture of blood and saliva flying out of his mouth.
Luke could see very little from his position on the ground, but he stared up through half-closed eyes as Andrew crumpled in a heap on the concrete. One of the boys kicked him in the chest as the others stood staring at him. When they were satisfied, they walked out of the alleyway, leaving Luke and Andrew to lie, barely conscious, on the ground, a flickering lamppost shining over them both.

‘We were both in pretty bad shape, but Andrew got kicked in the ribs and he had internal bleeding around his lung, and it swelled up…’ He gasped. ‘He had to go into surgery… And that was it…
‘Since then, I basically don’t get along with anyone.’
He looked up at her.
Her facial expression was difficult to read, but she just continued to stare at him. Then she leaned in and kissed him.

As they were about to leave Chapel that Sunday, Mr Wellner called them back.
He cleared his throat. ‘Settle down, settle down. You can all go to lunch in a moment; I just want to make a quick announcement,’ he said loudly.
The grumbling patients sat back down in their rows again.
‘Letters have been sent home to your families to notify them that they can visit you, for one day only, on Christmas Eve, so it is best that you prepare yourselves for this joyous event. We have provided a tree per room and some second-hand Christmas decorations so you can make your rooms festive and, most of all, presentable to your families.’
~
‘Has either of you ever spent Christmas here?’ Luke asked his roommates, hanging a dirty silver ball onto a branch.
‘He has,’ Cam answered, nodding at Ritchie. ‘I came a little while after Christmas.’
‘Yeah,’ Ritchie said, taking a wooden nutcracker from the box, ‘Christmas here kind of sucks.’
Luke grinned.
‘I can’t believe all this “festive” shit,’ Cam remarked, draping tinsel over a dust-covered branch. ‘All this place cares about is ostentation. You know not one of those psychs gives a shit about any of us, right? They don’t know the “process of our development” or whatever they call it, and they don’t know when to release us.’
Luke and Ritchie looked at him grimly.
‘A few months ago,’ Cam went on. ‘They released a heroin addict because apparently he was “independent of his problem”…’
‘Yeah,’ Ritchie continued. ‘Then he died a week later. Of an overdose.’
Luke blinked, his eyes wide.
‘And look at Callum!’ Cam exclaimed. ‘He’s been here four years, that’s God knows how many fucking chances he’s had to puke his insides out, and he hasn’t done a thing!’
‘Cam, dude, calm down,’ Ritchie quipped. ‘Besides, if you hate it so much, why don’t you just get your parents to send you to one of those high society rehab spas?’
Cam rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t joke about my parents, Ritchie.’
‘Wha…?’ Luke asked, confused.
‘Cam’s parents are loaded,’ Ritchie explained.
‘They’re not!’ Cam protested.
‘Dude, you have a Rolex.’
‘So do you!’
‘Yeah, but my parents aren’t the owners of an empire,’ Ritchie pointed out.
Cam sighed. He turned to Luke. ‘They sent me out here because it’s so far away from home. This way, I won’t taint the image of Richardson Industries,’ he said cynically.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 13

2009-01-31T15:07:00.002+11:00

‘So how’d you come to be like that?’
‘Like what?’ Luke knew exactly what Tori had meant, but he was just stalling. How was he supposed to delve into his dark, twisted past and bring it all up again for a stranger?
‘You know, like…’
‘No. I don’t know,’ he said, smiling at her as he dried a yellowed china plate and placed it on a pile of various others. It was the first time he had smiled in so long.
She grinned. ‘You look good when you smile. You should smile more often.’
‘There’s not a whole lot to smile about,’ Luke said gingerly as his usual bleak expression resumed its position on his face.
‘Yeah,’ she said, looking down.
‘So,’ Luke began, ‘how did you come to be how you are?’
She laughed lightly and tossed her hair over her shoulder. ‘Well…it’s actually a really funny story.’
He looked at her.
‘Okay. Not really. But it’s an interesting one. Would you like to hear it?’
Luke shrugged, and then nodded.
‘Well, my first boyfriend cheated on me, and so we broke up, and then I had another boyfriend about…oh, I don’t know, maybe, three or four months after that? Whatever… Well, he treated me really well, and everything was going great, or so I thought. One day, he sort of just randomly called me and told me he didn’t want to go out with me any more, and I thought it was because of my weight. See, at the time, my parents were telling me I was gaining weight quickly. So, I started to eat less and less and eventually, I didn’t want to eat at all. I had to see a nutritionist, but that didn’t really help. All they do is tell you about the food pyramid and what you should be eating. Then, one day, I felt really sick and fainted at school. I threw up all this blood in the sick bay. I had a gastric ulcer, and was treated with antacids, before I underwent upper endoscopy.
‘It was so painful, and I never wanted to go through it again, so I decided boys weren’t going to be right for me if every time I was in a relationship I ended up like this. That’s where my so-called “confused sexuality” comes in. I’ve always sort of felt attracted to girls, but I never considered actually becoming a lesbian. I don’t know.’
‘Wow,’ Luke said, stunned. He bent down to put the plates into a cupboard, before starting on the glasses.
Tori laughed. ‘Yeah. So, I’ve told you mine, now you have to tell me yours.’
‘Are you sure you want to hear it?’ Luke asked. ‘It’s pretty intense.’
‘I think I can take it,’ she said, smiling.
‘Okay. Here goes…’ he exhaled slowly. The mere memory was enough to make him want to… No.

‘Daddy, no!’

‘My dad used to… He beat us…so much…’ At that, a small scream echoed in Luke’s head. Why? It was only small, but it seemed to go on forever.
‘I tried so hard to protect them…’
The screams echoed again.

‘What kind of father are you? You never deserved them. Get out!’
‘Mummy…’
‘Karen… Luke…’

‘Then h- he left us, and it was hard, because my mum had no money and we were just kids.’
The sweltering heat coming from the dishwasher rose around him, and soon everything began to blur together. Somewhere – it sounded far off – a glass fell to the ground and shattered into a thousand pieces.
Someone started screaming, and they did not stop.

‘Mummy!’

Then everything went dark.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 12

2009-01-30T16:26:00.001+11:00

‘Saturday!’ Cam sang through his toothbrush and a mouth full of lather.
‘The best day!’ Ritchie agreed, wiping his face with a towel. ‘Saturdays are the only days where we can do whatever we want – no Therapy sessions, no classes…’ he explained to Luke, who had just entered the bathroom.
‘What about Sundays?’
Cam shook his head and spat. ‘Check your timetable. We’ve got Chapel on Sundays.’
Luke frowned. ‘Chapel?’
‘Yeah,’ Ritchie said. ‘This place is really religious, you know.’
‘Are you guys…?’ Luke asked slowly.
‘Cam’s Christian, I’m Atheist,’ Ritchie explained.
‘Yeah,’ Cam said grimly. ‘My parents had me baptised when I was little.’
‘And named him after a Saint,’ Ritchie laughed.
‘He wasn’t a famous Saint,’ Cam said with a shrug. ‘I reckon my parents just liked the name and used Saint Cameron as an excuse to call me that. He was a martyr.’
Luke stared at the ground solemnly.
‘I’m starving,’ Cam said, changing the subject. ‘Let’s go eat.’
Callum was sitting at their table alone when they arrived, talking loudly to two boys at a table across from theirs. The Lunchroom was close to empty, with very few patients scattered about at tables or walking to the front to gather food.
‘Hey, Callum,’ Cam greeted him, shaking his hand elaborately as they reached the table. Ritchie did the same.
Then Callum held out his hand to Luke, almost in solidarity of Luke’s acceptance onto their table.
‘You guys wait here,’ Ritchie told them, as Luke and Cam took their seats. ‘I’ll go get us some food.’
‘So how’re you coping?’ Callum asked Luke.
Luke shrugged. ‘I haven’t been here long,’ he replied.
‘You’ll get used to it,’ Cam advised him.
Callum nodded. ‘I’ve been locked up in here for almost four years. I swear I’ve tried everything: eating heaps so I put on weight, tucking weights into my underwear when we have to go on the scales, bringing food into the sessions so the counsellors see me eating, even wearing extra layers so I look fat… I have no idea what it takes to get out.’
‘No one does,’ Ritchie said, approaching the table with plates of cold toast and browning fruit.
‘Why are you here again?’ Luke asked Callum, aware that he had actually never told him.
‘Bulimia,’ he replied. ‘Same as Laura.’
Luke nodded.
Callum leaned close to the table, his eyes grim and his dark brown hair casting a shadow over his face. The four years in the Centre were etched in the tired, dark lines on his face. ‘I’m over it, really. I mean, I don’t care about my weight like I used to, but they still won’t release me.’
‘But you’ve been on Test Release,’ Ritchie put in.
‘Twice,’ Callum corrected. ‘But so has Cam.’
Cam nodded.
‘Test Release?’ Luke asked.
Cam began to explain. ‘After you’ve been here a certain amount of time – I have no idea how long it is –’
‘Can be anywhere from a month to a year,’ Ritchie added.
‘Yeah,’ Cam continued. ‘They let you go home for a week. Then when you come back, you go into a private session with your psychologist where they psychoanalyse you or some shit, and you’re supposed to stay here a while longer – again, I have no idea how long –’
‘And if they see that you’re fit to leave, then you can get full release,’ Callum finished.
Luke nodded.
Laura languidly approached their table, rubbing her eyes. ‘Where’s Tori?’ Callum asked her as she arrived.
‘She’s…still sleeping,’ she yawned. ‘Last I checked, anyway.’
At that moment, Tori came gliding through the door and over to her friends.
‘What are you guys talking about?’ she asked, apparently wide awake.
‘Test Release,’ Callum replied, before turning back to Luke. ‘As you can see, I wasn’t fit to leave. Both times.’
‘Why?’ Luke asked.
Callum shrugged. ‘I have no idea.’
Luke turned to Cam. ‘And you weren’t either?’
Cam shook his head. ‘Nup. I think they just randomly choose who gets to go or stay, since there’s no sentence or anything that states how long we’re supposed to.’
‘Attention patients!’ a plump woman wearing an apron said.
The patients in the Lunchroom turned to look at her. Several had filled up the Lunchroom since Luke, Cam and Ritchie had arrived.
‘Can I please have…’ she looked down at a piece of paper. ‘Luke Coulter, Nathan Eakins, Jason Gasparini, Tori O’Callaghan and Johnny Polevoy to help us in the kitchen.’
Tori groaned loudly. ‘Not again! I did it last week!’
But she was drowned out by the scraping of chairs, thundering of feet and buzz of chattering youth as everyone around them stood and left the Lunchroom.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 11

2009-01-29T17:21:00.001+11:00

The cabins were so small they seemed to be entirely composed of one room each. At one side of the room, three beds were pushed up against a wall. There were small moth-eaten couches surrounding a coffee table. Books and clothes were scattered around the room, and beyond the yellowed curtains, the windows looked difficult to open. The room was dark, even with the light on, and smelled like rotten saliva.
As they lay awake at night, Cam asked Luke what he thought about the Centre.
‘I already asked him that, you loser!’ Ritchie yelled at him across the room in the darkness.
‘I didn’t know that!’ Cam retorted. He sighed. ‘What do you think of it, anyway?’
Luke shrugged, although in the dark, they could not see him. ‘I told Ritchie I thought it was okay –’
‘Yeah, but you really think it sucks ass,’ Ritchie interrupted him.
Luke let out a small laugh.
Cam and Ritchie fell asleep quickly, but Luke lay awake, staring at the off-white wall next to the bed, late into the night.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 10

2009-01-28T10:48:00.001+11:00

‘So what do you think of the Centre so far?’ Ritchie asked him as they walked past various other teens on their way to class, bumping shoulders and getting stuck in between buildings.
‘Well…it’s okay.’
‘You can be honest, you know. I think this place sucks ass too.’
Luke let out a laugh. ‘Yeah, well, it sort of does. I mean, Group Therapy…’
Ritchie shook his head. ‘It’s a complete waste a of time,’ he said dismissively, as they entered the classroom. They sat next to Cam and took out their books and pencils.
‘Are you doing Non-Linear Relations and Equations already?’ Cam asked, taking a look at Luke’s workbook.
Luke nodded.
‘Why?’ Cam asked loudly.
‘Cameron, could you please keep it down back there?’ Mrs Douglas asked. ‘Some students are trying to work.’
‘Why?’ Cam repeated, softly this time.
‘I don’t know,’ Luke told him. ‘It’s just what I was up to at school.’
‘Dude. In here, we’re only up to Trigonometric Ratios. And I find that hard!’ he exclaimed.
‘Do you really?’ Luke asked him curiously.
Cam shrugged. ‘Sometimes.’ He wrote something in his book, and then turned to Luke again. ‘You’re really smart then, aren’t you?’
Luke wrinkled his nose. ‘I’m not sure.’
After a while of sitting and silently doing their work, Ritchie asked, out of nowhere, ‘Do you like Tori?’
Cam looked up from his work. ‘Do you?’
Luke looked at Ritchie and blinked. ‘I think she’s a nice person,’ he said, avoiding the real question, which he knew was a dumb thing to do.
‘No, I mean, do you like, like her?’
‘Well, I wouldn’t call it that. I’ve barely known her a day.’ He paused, before, ‘Is it really that obvious?’
‘No. Not really. I just happened to be watching you when you got all shocked when she said she was questioning her sexuality.’ He said everything so simply, as if it was not a big issue at all.
‘Oh,’ Luke said. ‘Do you think she notices?’ he asked them.
Cam sighed, rubbing the stubble on his chin with his thumb. ‘You can’t be sure.’
‘Mm,’ Ritchie agreed.
‘Hard to tell with her,’ Cam continued. ‘But I’d be careful if I were you. If she does decide to, uh, bat for the other team, you know… Just be careful.’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapters 8 & 9

2009-01-27T20:40:00.002+11:00

Hey guys,
Sorry I forgot to update yesterday. I've posted two chapters today to compensate.
Happy reading!

Looking at his timetable, Luke realised it was lunchtime and he was due in the Lunchroom. The woman hadn’t given him a tour – or even a map – of the Centre and all the tall grey buildings looked exactly the same.
When he reached the Lunchroom – a room full of round tables for people to sit and eat connected to a kitchen – he took a plate and lined up behind a girl with straight fair hair, who was arguing with the boy in front of her.
‘Cam, don’t be stupid, of course you’ll die straight away if you cut yourself in the leg!’ she was saying.
‘No, listen to me,’ the boy said. ‘If you don’t cut the femoral, you won’t die.’
‘Seriously?’ she asked him disbelievingly.
‘Seriously!’ he said, nodding. He looked at Luke, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation. ‘Hey!’
Luke slowly turned to look at him, his expression nervous.
‘Yeah, you. Hi,’ the boy said.
‘Hey,’ Luke said in reply.
The girl turned to look at him, her big brown eyes curious. Her face was plain, and without make-up, but she seemed so beautiful. Her long fair hair lay on her back, away from her face. ‘Are you new here?’ she asked him.
‘Y-yeah.’
‘Cool. What are you in for?’
‘What?’ Luke asked.
‘Sorry. That was a total jail term. Why are you here? Why did your crazy parents send you here?’
‘Oh!’ he exclaimed. ‘I…uh, well…’ There was an awkward pause.
‘Hey, go easy on him. The dude just got here!’ the boy interrupted. Then he turned to Luke. ‘Don’t worry dude. I’m a crack addict.’
The girl hit his arm.
‘Ow!’ he yelled. ‘What did you do that for?’
‘You’re not a crack addict! Be serious.’
‘Okay. Fine. I’m in the Deterrence from Juvenile Crimes program.’
Luke’s eyes widened. ‘What for?’
‘Arson,’ the boy replied grimly. ‘They act like it’s a really big problem, like I need some sort of “professional help” to fix it, but it was one time! My friends and I happened to set fire to some guy’s house, and it got a little out of control,’ he explained. He was talking extremely quickly and erratically Luke began to wonder if perhaps he was on crack. ‘Then the fuckers decided to do a runner and I took the blame for it, and I went to Children’s Court and they sanctioned me to this stupid place. They’d better fucking cook the potatoes today –’
‘This is Cameron,’ the girl said as the guy continued talking about potato spuds.
‘Cam,’ he corrected her. ‘Last time they chucked ‘em in there for about half a second and we were all stuck eating screwy raw potato and sour cream with hair in it.’
The girl rolled her eyes. ‘I’m Tori.’
‘Luke,’ Luke introduced himself.
When they had gathered their food, Luke began to walk towards Tori and Cam, but their table soon filled up with other people, so he just sat alone, fiddling with the potato he had no appetite for.
He noticed three boys starting to walk toward him. One of them – he looked to be the leader – was about Luke’s height, but twice his size.
‘Hey, what the hell are you doing at our table? Huh? You think just because you’ve never been here before you can sit wherever you like? Do you?’
Luke opened his mouth to tell him he had no idea this table belonged to him, but a voice broke into the silence.
‘Hey!’ yelled Tori from the next table. ‘Johnny, what do you think you’re doing? He’s new!’
‘So? He can’t sit at our table!’
She shook her head. ‘Luke, come over here,’ she said, beckoning.
Not wanting to get into a fight on his first day, Luke left and went over to her table. He had to pull up another chair to fit in, but he felt a lot more secure now there were people he could talk to.
‘That’s Johnny,’ she said to him quietly. ‘He’s…troubled. Hang on, who here isn’t? Sorry. I mean, Johnny… Help me out here, Cam.’
‘Okay. Very basically, Johnny is like, the Hulk.’
She hit him. ‘Shut up!’ Then she turned to Luke. ‘He just can’t help but want to beat up anyone that comes near him. Except those two –’ she gestured to the only two guys sitting with Johnny ‘– they’re pretty much the only people that will go near him. Some of the counsellors don’t even want to talk to him; they’ll do anything to avoid going near him or talking to him, because he tries to beat them all up.’
Luke nodded.
‘Yo Tori!’ called a dark-haired boy from across the table, who looked like he was older than everyone else there. ‘Who’s the new guy?’
‘Oh. Right,’ Tori muttered. ‘Okay, Luke. This is Callum –’ she gestured to the older boy with the dark hair ‘– Ritchie and Laura. Everybody, this is Luke.’
‘So what’s wrong with you?’ Callum asked, staring at him curiously. ‘Which program are you doing?’
Luke sighed. ‘Depression,’ he admitted softly.
‘Hey, me too,’ Tori said, allowing her words to slightly drag themselves out. ‘Are you going to the Group Therapy session this afternoon?’
Luke nodded.
‘Well I guess I’ll see you there.’

Group Therapy was held in a claustrophobic room with a mouldy carpet and a small window next to the door.
There were several chairs placed in a horseshoe shape, with Mr Wellner at the front.
When Tori saw Luke enter she stood up and approached him, walking lightly, almost floating, over to the door.
‘Luke,’ she greeted him, a smile on her plain face.
‘Tori, please come and sit down,’ Mr Wellner called sternly. ‘Luke is already late; we don’t want to delay the session now.’
‘Come,’ she said, taking him by the elbow. ‘Sit with me.’
Mr Wellner began the session as they took their seats. ‘Hello everyone and welcome back to Group Therapy,’ he greeted them. ‘As you should all know, my name is Mr Wellner. Okay, seeing as we have a newcomer, we will all go around in the circle and tell the group why we are here. Let’s start with you, Ritchie.’
‘Hi everyone,’ Ritchie began, giving the group a small wave. ‘My name’s Ritchie and I’m an alcoholic.’ He paused. ‘No, I mean, I’m actually an alcoholic. When I was living at home, my parents were never around, and I just felt so alone. Since they were never there, I just took sips out of stuff from their liquor cabinet. But that turned into glasses full of the stuff, and eventually I drank straight out of the bottle. One day they came home and I was passed out on the couch, so they sent me here.’
The group stared at him, apparently expecting more.
‘That’s it,’ he concluded.
Mr Wellner cleared his throat. ‘Okay. Next, Tori.’
‘I’m Tori,’ she said, smiling, ‘and I have an eating disorder.’
‘The eating disorder session is down the hall. This is depression,’ a boy with a lip ring and almost shoulder-length hair interrupted.
‘Jason,’ Mr Wellner warned. ‘You know Tori has been in the depression and eating disorder programs concurrently.’
Tori continued as if nothing had happened. ‘I gradually stopped eating after my boyfriend broke up with me. I thought it was because I’d gained weight. I was just so upset, I never felt like eating, but it was so great to see that I was losing so much weight.’
‘There’s something else, isn’t there, Tori?’ Mr Wellner prompted.
‘Oh.’ She looked down at the stained carpet. ‘Yeah. I’m bisexual.’
Luke’s eyes widened.
‘Here at the Klausner Rehabilitation Centre we prefer to say that you are questioning you sexuality,’ Mr Wellner corrected her.
Tori rolled her eyes. ‘Fine, questioning my sexuality.’
‘Luke. Your turn now,’ Mr Wellner said to him. Luke did not respond. ‘Luke?’
He blinked. ‘Oh. Right,’ he said slowly. ‘Well, I’m Luke and…’
Everyone’s eyes were on him, staring expectantly. How could they all admit their problems so easily in front of complete strangers when he was having such trouble?
‘I, uh… Well, you see…’ He wished that his counsellor would give him a facial expression that was more patient. He let out a deep sigh, and began slowly. ‘I inflict pain upon myself.’
‘Explain exactly how, Luke.’
He could almost physically feel the pressure from the group, everyone’s eyes upon him, boring into him, watching, waiting. He could feel the pores in his forehead open up, sweat being slowly pushed out of them. His hands shook and his throat became dry and coarse.

‘So Luke,’ Mr Wellner mused, looking down at a clipboard in his hands. ‘Your mother tells me you have a problem.’
Luke shrugged, staring at the brown carpet of the psychologist’s room.
‘Being that this is the first session, we'll take things slow, but I want you to be able to communicate with me. We’ve still got a long way to go, and this can be a journey that we embark on together.’ When Luke did not speak, the psychologist continued. ‘You know the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one, don’t you?’
Luke did not speak.
‘And you want to solve your problem.’
He shrugged again. ‘I guess so.’
‘Then admit you have one.’

‘I…’ he began, he voice hoarse. ‘I… I cut…’ he put his head in one of his hands and sighed again. ‘I cut myself,’ he whispered in one breath.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 7

2009-01-25T14:40:00.002+11:00

Luke exited the train platform and wrestled his two duffle bags across the road to the entrance marked ‘Klausner Rehabilitation Centre for Trouble Youth’. Beyond the tall, barbed-wire fences that framed the entrance were many plain, grey concrete buildings. Luke clambered up the steep, cold stairs to the Administration Building, dragging his bags the whole way.
The Administration Building was dim-lit and the air being emitted by the radiator in the corner was oppressive. Luke approached the bored-looking woman at the front desk and cleared his dry throat.
‘Hi, um, I’m supposed to start the program for depression today,’ he told her.
She barely glanced at him and reached into a shelf above her desk for several sheets of paper. ‘Here,’ she droned, tossing them at him. ‘Fill these out and then wait outside the Registration Office.’
After Luke had completed the forms he sat on one of the cold plastic chairs outside the room marked ‘Registration Office’. Hundreds of computer keys rattled and pens scratched photocopy paper in between each tick of the clock.
Finally, the door to the Registration Office opened, breaking into the insane reverie that had been consuming Luke as he listened to the too-neat rhythm of the clock.
A woman of about forty years of age with dark red hair piled on top of her head and thick-rimmed glasses appeared.
‘You,’ she said in a deep throaty voice, pointing at Luke. ‘Come in.’
Luke entered the small office, which smelled of an odd mixture of lavender and the sour stench of old carpet. He lifted the sheets he had filled out. ‘Where do I…?’
‘Put those there,’ she interrupted, pointing at the desk, on which papers were neatly stacked in several piles. She took her seat behind the desk and picked up the files Luke had just dropped. ‘Okay, let’s try and make this quick; I have other things to do today. You were taking advanced Maths at your school?’ Without giving Luke a chance to answer, she said, ‘We don’t offer that here, so you’re just going to have to go back to core Maths. And because of your rehabilitation, we’re going to have to cut out all of your electives, so you’ll just be doing the basic subjects – Maths, English, Science, History and Geography. Any questions so far?’
Luke shook his head, but he guessed that even if he did have any questions, he would be given little opportunity to express them.
‘Well now that we have your schedule sorted, I’ll just print it off the computer.’ She pressed a few keys and clicked on something before the printer behind her spat out a piece of paper. ‘Here,’ she said, roughly tossing it to Luke.
He looked at the squares marked with his classes in between various rehabilitation and counselling sessions that were a part of his course.
‘In terms of accommodation,’ the woman continued, ‘there’s just been an opening in Room W12, so you’ll move in there. You’ll be boarding with…’ she paused as she looked at the list of names on her computer. ‘Cameron Richardson and Ritchie deVaal.’ She turned around and plucked a key marked “W12” from a selection of keys hanging on the back wall of her office. She tossed it to Luke and turned back to her computer. When she realised he was still sitting in her office, she barked, ‘That’s it; you can leave.’
Luke quickly stood and exited.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 6

2009-01-24T14:06:00.002+11:00

When Luke awoke to the sound of nearby voices, he kept his eyes closed and pretended to be asleep.
‘Send him to the Centre,’ Mr Wellner’s voice advised, as if to finalise a drawn-out argument. ‘You won’t regret it.’
‘Okay,’ Luke’s mother’s voice replied. ‘If this is what’s best for him, then I’ll do it.’
‘Good. Goodbye, Carol.’
Luke heard the squeaking of Mr Wellner’s shoes fade as he left the room, and felt his mother’s hand gently stroking his head. He opened his eyes slowly. Karen was standing behind their mother with her thumbnail in her mouth and a concerned expression on her face.
‘Luke,’ his mother whispered, her eyes shining with tears.
He did not speak, but rather stared down at the bandages wrapped around his wrists.
‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to do,’ she choked, taking back her hand.
‘Wh- what?’ he stammered.
His mother sobbed into her hands.
Karen approached her and stroked her back. ‘She’s sending you to that Stupid Place for Crazy Kids,’ she spoke for her.
‘The Rehab Centre?’ Luke asked.Karen nodded and their mother wailed loudly.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 5

2009-01-23T17:30:00.001+11:00

‘So, Luke,’ Mr Wellner, a tall thin man with short hair said. His paisley tie was pressed right against his protruding Adam’s apple, and his Gucci leather loafers were shined to perfection. He looked up at his patient, his dark penetrating eyes staring at him not with compassion, but more with desperation to infiltrate and explore the enigma that was Luke’s mind. ‘You tried to kill yourself.’
Luke stared back at his counsellor with angry, pale blue eyes. ‘I didn’t try to kill myself,’ he protested.
Mr Wellner’s eyes continued to bore into his. ‘You intentionally hurt yourself with the knowledge that you could have died. You tried to commit suicide, no question about it.’
Luke folded his bandaged arms over the crisp, cold hospital dress, and fell back into the bed, the pillows swallowing his gaunt shoulders.
‘So why did you do it?’ Mr Wellner asked.
Rather than answering, Luke stared through the vertical blinds to his right, watching the wind throw a gum tree at the window. Past the tree, the sky was grey and the streets below were filled with people scattered about, walking up and down the streets or parking their cars next to the sidewalk; all with a purpose. Luke turned his attention back to the room he was in. It was cold and smelled of antiseptic fluid and latex gloves. He stared at the bandages wrapped around his folded arms, suffocating his wrists like a plastic bag pressing against a foolish child’s gaping mouth. The only sound in the hospital room was the scratching of Mr Wellner’s pen on the clipboard.
Mr Wellner sighed. ‘You know, Luke, we can’t fix your problem if we don’t know what caused it.’
Luke continued silently staring at his bandages.
‘Your mother mentioned that your friend died; I can imagine that must have been hard for you.’
Luke lifted his head slightly, his pale blue eyes glaring at Mr Wellner. ‘You can only imagine,’ he hissed, adopting a creepily daunting manner.
Mr Wellner’s face took on a look of terror.
‘There’s no pain like losing someone so close to you.’
Then the silence returned. Now it was more than awkward. It was stifling, pressing in on them, asphyxiating them in the nauseatingly white atmosphere of the hospital room. Mr Wellner opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, then decided otherwise.
‘He died in this room.’ Luke paused, sighing. ‘I didn’t think I’d ever have to come back here.’ He swallowed. ‘I couldn’t even go to the funeral.’
Mr Wellner watched Luke’s pale eyes begin to glaze over, reflecting the fluorescent lights above them.
‘It just… It hurt so much,’ he breathed as tears began to flow from his eyes.
‘Luke, how old are you?’ Mr Wellner asked suddenly.
Luke frowned dubiously, tears still streaking his face. ‘Sixteen,’ he answered slowly. ‘What does that have to do with anything?’
‘Hmm…’ Mr Wellner mused. ‘I manage a facility in the country as well as working as a youth psychologist. It would be good for you to be admitted for your problem. It’s called the Klausner Rehabilitation Centre for Trouble Youth. You can complete a number of different programs there to help you with your problem,’ he told him, scribbling something down on his clipboard, before handing it to Luke.
Luke stared at it cautiously.
‘I strongly recommend you try entering one of these programs. If you don’t, you might end up successfully killing yourself,’ he admonished, standing up. Then he walked out of the room, his clipboard under his arm and his loafers squeaking on the recently-mopped linoleum floor.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 4

2009-01-22T15:18:00.000+11:00

‘I’m sorry, young man,’ the doctor said. ‘We did everything we could.’
Luke shook his head frantically, as if he was trying to rid his ears of water.
The doctor left the room and Luke stared down at the one person he had always trusted, his right-hand man, his mentor…his best friend.
The face of a teenager with boundless energy now looked more like an elderly man’s – a weary face drained of colour, complemented by greasy hair, and closed eyes.
Luke fell back into the chair next to the bed, his body just as limp as the one he was still holding hands with. He leaned forward on the chair, his left hand still holding onto Andrew’s, and let his hair fall into his eyes. He rubbed the side of his face gingerly and sighed. His eyes began to glaze over with tears and his throat closed up. He could not breathe, he could not see. Then, he blinked, and a single tear was released from his eye. It rolled down his cheek, escaped him entirely as it got to the chin, and fell freely to Andrew’s hand, where it exploded into a thousand other tears.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 3

2009-01-21T15:58:00.001+11:00

Inside 15B, a young boy, pallid and emaciated, stirred beneath the sheets and slowly lifted his eyelids, revealing sharp pale blue eyes.
At his bedside sat a woman, her worry lines creasing as she gasped. ‘Luke! You’re okay!’ She leaned over him to hug him.
He did not speak, but rather lifted his bandaged wrist to gently stroke her back.
A young girl entered the room, with flaxen hair falling just below her shoulders. ‘Luke,’ she said softly, ‘you’re awake.’
‘Hi Karen,’ he said softly, still stroking the older woman’s back.
She released him, tears streaming from her eyes.
‘Luke,’ she said, her voice shaking.
He looked at her.
‘I thought you’d stopped…’ she whispered. ‘I thought the therapy was helping you.’
Luke bit his lip. ‘It was,’ he croaked.
She shook her head and looked down at the linoleum floor. ‘Not enough to stop you from trying to kill yourself.’
The words hung in the air, floating about like dusty remnants from an afternoon of vacuuming.
‘Mum –’
‘Mr Wellner will be coming by here this afternoon,’ his mother interrupted him. ‘You’ll have another session with him and then we’ll decide what to do with you.’
Luke’s dark eyebrows knitted together in a sudden bout of frustration. ‘My best friend just died!’ he suddenly yelled. His mother and Karen jolted abruptly and his wide eyes showed that he had surprised even himself, but he continued. ‘You can’t expect me to be perfectly fine after that!’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 2

2009-01-20T21:31:00.000+11:00

He entered the room marked 15B, clutching the tray of food tightly in his hands.
‘Hey Andrew,’ he whispered, sitting next to the patient in the bed.
The boy named Andrew was no older than 16, with oily jet black hair and half-closed eyes. He smiled at his visitor, his cheeks flushed. ‘Hey, dude,’ he rasped.
The visitor smiled and placed the tray of food on Andrew’s lap. ‘How are you?’ he asked.
Andrew shook his head, grinning. ‘Fucked if I know. I’m so hyped up on morphine I’ve got no idea what’s going on.’
The visitor laughed, before reaching out to take Andrew’s hand. ‘Listen, dude,’ he whispered, his voice suddenly gentle. ‘I’m sorry you have to go through this.’
Andrew shook his head. ‘It was my decision as much as it was yours,’ he answered.
‘But I started it. And I’ve come away unscathed.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Andrew said, shaking his head again.
‘Well, listen, if you don’t make it out of that operation –’
‘Hey!’ Andrew interrupted him. ‘Who says I’m not going to make it?’
‘If you don’t,’ the visitor tried again, ‘I just want you to know that…’
‘That what?’
‘That you’re the greatest person I’ve ever known,’ he finished, sighing.
Andrew smiled. ‘And you know you’re the greatest person I’ve ever known, right?’
His visitor nodded.
Several doctors then entered the room and began cleaning the area around Andrew’s bed.
‘Are you ready, Andrew?’ one of them, a tall bespectacled man, asked.
Andrew nodded with a grimace, tightening his grip on his best friend’s hand.
The doctors began to wheel the bed out of the room. Andrew’s visitor rose, his eyes clouding over and his hand still clasping his.
‘Don’t forget what I said,’ Andrew whispered.
‘I will never forget it. And I will never forget you, Andrew.’
Andrew smiled weakly. ‘I’ll see you in a few hours, Luke.’

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - Chapter 1

2009-01-19T17:13:00.002+11:00

WARNING: The following is classified M. It contains mature and/or violent scenes that may be disturbing to some people. WDT recommends viewing by mature audiences.

May angels lead you in...

The cold blade touched him, and imprinted a small purple line into the thin skin of his right arm. As he pressed the utility knife further against the line, he managed to break the already-scarred skin. It tore through the lines on his inner arm; some thick, some thin; some across, some down; some dark red, brown and white. As he pushed the knife further into his flesh, blood slowly began to seep out, running down and around his arm, to his elbow, releasing him from the pain that bound him. It dripped slowly, falling into the water in the bathtub, where it slowly blended with the mass of water around him. Bringing his hands beneath the surface, he pushed the knife against his inner thigh, breaking the skin. The warm water increased his blood flow, causing more swirls of red to permeate the water around him. His eyes slowly closed and his grip on the knife loosened. As he lost the utility knife, he also began to lose consciousness. It slipped from his mind like the bloody water would slip from his hands, had he tried to cup them. The mass of red water rose gradually, reaching first his chin, then his lips, his freckled nose and closed eyes before engulfing his entire head.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go - blurb

2009-01-17T10:59:00.004+11:00

'So, Luke,' Mr Wellner said. 'You tried to kill yourself.'
Luke stared back at his counsellor with angry, pale blue eyes.
'So why did you do it?' Mr Wellner asked.
‘There’s no pain like losing someone so close to you.’

Luke Coulter has a problem. When his best friend dies as a result of his actions, Luke tries to commit suicide, but survives. His counsellor and his family are scared for him, and it seems like the only option is to send him to the Klausner Rehabilitation Centre for Troubled Youth, an institution made especially to counter the problems teenagers encounter. There he meets many new people, some who can relate to him and understand his angst. But there is still a negative outlook for Luke, with memories from his past haunting him, having to farewell people he just met, and his mother and sister becoming involved with an abusive man.

On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go starts Monday January 19th, only at http://WhenDarknessTurns.blogspot.com/

Acknowledgements for Chemistry

2009-01-17T10:57:00.001+11:00

To xti@n@, shan, luonthuyvycandy, ~*~Crazy_Love~*~, TP, Lara, Storm Girl, midibaby and Rose for responding to my forum topic when I needed inspiration, and to JW for providing me with past experiences I based parts of this story on.

Again, to Thomas and John Knoll, for creating Photoshop, and therefore allowing me to create my title banner and chapter headings and to deviantart.com for their Photoshop brushes used in the banner and the chapter headings.

To the numerous people who have left comments, including Hoong Lyn and John.
To Adelaide, who has given me such valuable criticism and who has challenged me as a writer.
To everyone else who has read the blog, even if you read two words and decided you hated it, or if sometime along the way you just gave up.

But most importantly...
To Greg, possibly my most loyal commenter and by far the coolest Year 11.
And to Isabelle, my muse, the person I most love to discuss ideas with, and the provider of all comments entertaining.

Chemistry - Chapter 27

2009-01-17T10:34:00.003+11:00

Here is the final chapter of Chemistry (sorry it's a day late):

Formal
The Ashton Grammar Year 12 Formal was held in a function venue called Lucky, at the edge of the city. At the entrance there was a bar, which was where people were greeting each other and exchanging compliments as they were all arriving.
Alexis entered with her two best friends, all wearing glamorous dresses and linking arms.
Tayla squealed and gripped Alexis’s arm tighter. ‘You and Chase are definitely going to win King and Queen this year!’ she whispered.
‘Yeah,’ Alexis said softly. She realised that she hadn’t told her friends that Chase was not in the running, or even that they’d broken up only a few days ago. She did not want to suddenly drop such depressing news on them. It was their last Formal, after all.
Bryan and Chase – both bruised, but otherwise acting like nothing had happened – were talking at the bar. They both looked up as Alexis entered and opened their mouths, as if they were about to say something, but, seeing each other, decided against it.
Then a large sliding door opened, allowing everyone to walk through to a larger area, with a dance floor and round tables where they would eat.

~
‘Hi, everyone!’ Caz said into a microphone. ‘We hope you’re having a really great time tonight! Right now, Chase and I would like to present some awards to people we think have done really well this year.’
Alexis tuned out for the awards, and instead interested herself in staring around the room at the rest of her year, all dressed in beautiful suits and dresses. Her gaze fell upon a boy with blonde hair so long it was flicking up next to his ears, dressed in a plain black suit and white shirt without a tie. He picked up his glass and drained the dark liquid inside with one gulp.
A small smile spread itself across her face.
Caz’s voice broke into her reverie. ‘Alexis Wonders!’
Alexis blinked in the direction of the stage.
‘Aly!’ Tayla said, nudging her.
‘You won!’ Bonnie told her. ‘You’re Queen!’
Alexis blinked again and slowly stood up and walked to the stage to accept the plastic crown that served as an award for winning the majority’s votes.
‘And Ashton Grammar’s King of 2007 is…’ Caz said as she opened a white envelope. ‘Bryan Carver!’
Gasps were heard among the crowd. ‘Who’s Bryan Carver?’ someone asked.
Bryan put his glass down and walked up to the stage to accept his crown.
‘Now everyone step aside for the official King and Queen dance!’ Caz said, throwing her hands into the air.
A slow song started.
Alexis leaned over to Caz. ‘Caz,’ she whispered, ‘I really don’t think this is necessary.’
Bryan rolled his eyes and took her hand roughly. ‘Dance with me?’
There was no way she could reject him now. She shrugged and followed him onto the dance floor.
‘You can’t avoid me forever,’ Bryan said to her as her hands rested themselves comfortably on his shoulders.
Alexis sighed. ‘I know,’ she muttered.
‘So talk to me,’ he said.
Alexis stared away from him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered. ‘This whole thing’s just become so screwed up. I mean, I’m on detention every day next week for fighting with Chase, my face looks like, well, this…’
Alexis gave him a small smile.
‘… And now I’ve wrecked my friendship with Chase and with you –’
‘Chase and I broke up,’ Alexis interrupted him.
Bryan blinked. He stopped dancing, taken aback. ‘What?’
She shook her head, regretting what she had just said. ‘Can we not talk about this now?’
He frowned.
‘Tonight is meant to be the night of our lives. I don’t want people remembering it as “the night Alexis dumped Chase for his best friend”.’
Bryan sighed. ‘Alexis, you know you’re always putting others before yourself. You think that you have to repress your own feelings just to make others happy.’
‘No, I don’t,’ she said. ‘I just know that if I do something during a major event, everyone will always remember what I did when they think back on it.’
Bryan’s eyebrows knitted together. ‘Don’t worry about that stuff. Not everyone else’s happiness relies on yours.’
They resumed dancing, but they were both quiet, and looked away from each other as they danced.
‘Al,’ Bryan whispered.
She turned to look at him. He was leaning so close to her that their noses grazed.
‘You’re a hooligan.’
She smiled broadly and leaned in to kiss him. ‘Shut up, Bry.’

Chemistry - Chapter 26

2009-01-15T20:32:00.001+11:00

Split end
Alexis suddenly burst into the office. ‘What the hell were you two doing?!’ she exclaimed. ‘Everyone’s talking about how you were fighting in front of the Humanities block!’
At that moment Principal Terr came out of his office. ‘Miss Wonders, what are you doing out of class?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘I have a free period, sir.’
‘Well if you plan on staying here, please keep your voice down; you’re disrupting the staff.’
She nodded as he turned to Bryan.
‘Mr Carver, can I please see you now?’
Bryan nodded sullenly and got up to walk into the office.
As the door closed behind him Alexis sat in the now-vacated seat, next to Chase. Neither of them spoke for a moment.
Alexis sighed. ‘Should we talk about this?’
Chase shook his head. ‘I don’t know what there is to talk about.’
‘You, and me…and this whole thing with Bryan,’ she answered.
He sighed. ‘You know, we were both very different people when we first started dating.’
Alexis nodded.
‘And I think we’ve just reached the end of the line. It’s almost as if there’s nothing more we can do.’
Tears welled up in her eyes.
He rubbed his nose and sighed. ‘I just think that you’re better off without me. I’ve done some pretty bad shit to you and it isn’t fair.’
Alexis was silent as she rose and left the office.

Chemistry - Chapter 25

2009-01-14T10:15:00.002+11:00

Another fight
Chase appeared to be calm as he gathered his books and Bryan’s jacket from his locker, but inside rage was coursing through him. After everything we’ve been through, how could she fucking do this to me? And with Bryan, my best friend?
‘Bryan,’ he said as he caught up with his friend.
‘Hey,’ Bryan said.
‘Alexis said to give this to you,’ Chase said, handing Bryan the jacket.
Bryan nodded, taking it and placing it under his arm. The two boys walked in silence until they reached their classroom. They stood outside amongst the other students, waiting for their teacher to come and unlock the door.
‘Why did my girlfriend have a piece of your clothing?’ Chase asked.
‘She was cold,’ Bryan told him.
‘So it has nothing to do with the fact that she spent the night at your house?’
‘What?’ Bryan asked.
‘That’s right Bryan. She told me that you two slept together.’
‘We didn’t sleep together,’ Bryan said.
Chase dropped his books on the floor. ‘Bryan,’ he said as he began to advance slowly towards him. He grabbed him by the collar of his white school shirt. ‘Don’t lie to me. It’s only right for you to tell me what really happened!’
‘We didn’t do anything,’ Bryan muttered, pushing him off.
Chase let him go and began to walk away, but quickly spun back around again and punched him squarely in the nose.
Bryan let out a yell and fell to the ground, clutching his face.
The boys were both still for a moment, before Bryan got up and ran at Chase, dragging him down by his stomach.
Everyone in the class turned to stare at them, erupting in urges of ‘fight, fight, fight!’
This was a momentous occasion as Chase had never done anything wrong and no one had ever seen him in a fight.
Bryan threw Chase to the ground and pinned him down. Chase threw him off and sat on top of him. He grabbed Bryan’s shoulders and lifted them up before thrusting them into the ground again, winding him.
‘Tell me that you slept with her!’ Chase yelled.
Coughing and spluttering, Bryan pushed Chase off and stood up to kick him in the stomach. ‘I didn’t sleep with her!’ he yelled back, his breath caught in his throat.
Chase got up and picked Bryan up by the stomach to throw him onto the mulch on the garden.
‘Then why did she stay the night at your place?’ Chase demanded, standing over him, his hands balled into fists.
Bryan stood, hunched over, and threw a punch at Chase’s face, hitting him on the cheek. ‘Nothing happened!’ he panted.
Chase ran at Bryan, throwing him to the ground again.
‘Bullshit!’ Chase leaned over Bryan, punching him over and over, his fist colliding with Bryan’s face alarmingly fast and hard. ‘She said you guys slept together!’ Chase said, as Bryan lay on the grass, his body limp and blood streaming down his face.
‘Chase…’ he begged as his best friend lifted his fist to hit him again.
But Chase was relentless. He could not see through his anger and thought of nothing – not Bryan’s pain, nor Alexis’s, not the surrounding students, not the consequences he would have to face later – but making Bryan hurt. ‘Just tell me you slept with her and this will all be over.’
‘Can you just listen to me?’ Bryan beseeched him, mustering all his strength to tumble over again. Chase was much bigger and stronger than he was; he knew if he couldn’t get Chase to understand now, Chase would probably kill him.
‘What?’
Bryan sat on Chase’s midriff and held his arms down. ‘She was really upset after you guys fought, and she was just looking for someone to listen. Then she spent the night at my place because she was lonely and upset.’
Chase’s arms relaxed and his face took on a look of shock.
‘That’s all,’ Bryan said as he exhaled.
Suddenly the calls of ‘fight, fight, fight!’ died away.
‘Mr Carver and Mr Chase! Stop fighting and go to the principal’s office at once!’ their teacher yelled. He had finally come to unlock the door for them.
The boys disentangled themselves.
They walked in silence to the office and sat outside in the hallway, their breathing still heavy. Chase’s tie had loosened, and his shirt was covered in dirt. His face was dirty and bruised. Bryan sighed in pain as he sat down. There was a rip in his jumper and there was blood pouring all over his nose and chin, which showed no sign of slowing down. His eyes were swollen and, still winded, he could barely breathe. They were both covered in dirt and woodchips from the mulch.
‘Do you like her?’ Chase asked, breaking the awkward silence.
Bryan sighed. ‘I don’t want to lie to you, man. I really like her. I do.’
‘Does she like you?’
There was a long pause, during which Bryan took the time to compose his thoughts.
‘I don’t know,’ he said to the ground.

Chemistry - Chapter 24

2009-01-13T15:59:00.001+11:00

Back to reality
It was Monday morning. Alexis drained the remnants of coffee from the paper cup and threw it in the bin outside the front of the school. She went to her locker and pushed her bag inside before pulling out a black tailored jacket. She brought it to her nose and inhaled slowly, before quickly shaking her head and turning around, still holding the jacket. She weaved her way through the many students carrying books and bags, chatting to their friends on their way to class or to sit in the courtyard or study hall during free periods. Finally she reached the boys’ locker hall.
‘Hey,’ Alexis said, leaning on the locker next to her boyfriend’s.
‘Hey,’ Chase replied. He was busy looking for something in his locker.
‘Can you give this to Bryan for me?’ she asked, handing him the jacket.
Chase shrugged. ‘Okay. When did you borrow it from him?’
She shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Good morning lovebirds!’ a whiny voice said loudly.
‘Hey Caz,’ Alexis muttered.
‘Listen,’ she said. ‘I need a guy and a girl to announce the awards at Formal tonight and you guys are the perfect couple. Do you want to do it?’
Alexis and Chase looked at one another.
‘Of course,’ Caz said quickly, ‘if you do choose to do it, you can’t be in the running for any of the awards. And if you don’t do it, Alexis, I’m going to do it, but we don’t have a back-up guy, so Chase is, like, our last hope.’
Chase shrugged. ‘I’m in.’
Alexis grabbed his arm. ‘You know if we announce them, then we can’t be in the running to win them?’
‘Yeah, so?’
‘Fine,’ Alexis said as she pushed him away from her, annoyed. ‘You can do it.’ She turned to Caz. ‘I’m not going to.’
She turned around to walk away when Chase called out to her.
‘Wait,’ he said, taking her arm to spin her around so he could look at her. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I just don’t understand why this is suddenly a big deal to me only,’ she said with a sigh. ‘I feel like you don’t care about this any more, about us.’
He sighed. ‘I know this stuff means more to you than it does to me. That’s why you have all the awards!’ he grinned.
She looked away from him.
‘What’s the big deal?’ he asked. ‘It’s just another dumb award.’
She shook her head. ‘You just don’t get it.’
The truth was, Alexis herself didn’t quite understand why she was obsessing over the award. The only problem was that if Chase wasn’t in the running, this would be the first one they wouldn’t win together, throughout their entire time as boyfriend and girlfriend; the five years they’d spent together.
But it was more than that. She felt like she didn’t know Chase any more, that they’d both become completely different people in their time apart and that there was no way they could fix it now. Thinking back on their relationship, she could remember a simpler time, when they had just begun dating and getting to know each, and were even kind of shy around one another, to the extent where they would nervously ask to sit next to each other during class, and got excited when they first held hands. Where they really liked each other, more than anything else, and would do everything in their power to make one another happy. But now Chase wouldn’t even say a simple “no” to Caz so that he and Alexis could win an award together.
Chase slung an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders, thinking that everything could be okay between them if he just acted normal.
‘Remember how you said I should tell you if there was something bothering me?’ she asked.
He sighed. What other girly problems could she possibly have now? ‘Yeah,’ he said.
She bit her lip. She really hadn’t planned on telling him this, but she needed to feel something, and if provoking Chase was the only way to do it, she would, no matter how foolish she felt.
‘I slept with Bryan,’ she blurted out.
Chase blinked. ‘What?’
Alexis stared at the ground.
‘What?’ Chase repeated, anger rising in him like boiling water.
‘Just listen. I was really upset after our fight, you know, about the speeches, and I called Bryan, and –’
The bell rang, interrupting her.
Chase turned away.
‘Chase,’ she whispered.
But he was already walking away from her.

Chemistry - Chapter 23

2009-01-12T10:40:00.003+11:00

A birthday
Bryan pressed the “End call” button on his phone. ‘Do you want to go to the party soon?’ he asked Chase.
Chase nodded.
The boys changed into their suits – Bryan wearing Hugo Boss and Chase wearing Ralph Lauren – before Chase drove them both to the Lector Town Hall.
When they entered the hall, the lights turned on and everyone yelled, ‘Happy Birthday!’
The hall looked stupendous. At the front of the hall a projector screen had been set up, displaying a slideshow of Chase’s life, from a child all the way to the day he turned eighteen. Streamers and helium balloons hung from the ceiling, in different shades of blue, Chase’s favourite colour. The round tables were set with china plates and several glasses, with wine in buckets of ice in the middle of the table, next to mixed bunches of yellow flowers. Cater waiters were walking around the room in crisp tuxedos, white napkins draped over their arms as they poured wine for the guests. A DJ stood in the corner behind a turntable, and started playing loud music as the lights were dimmed.
Random people clad in designer dresses and suits approached Chase, wishing him a happy birthday and giving him hugs and presents, which he piled onto a table near the exit. But there was only one person he was really interested in seeing.
He tapped the shoulder of a dark haired girl, dressed in a Chanel pink mini dress.
‘Chase!’ she said loudly as she turned around.
‘Hey babe,’ he greeted her. ‘Thanks.’
He leaned down and kissed her lips, even though he could feel the hostility brewing between them.
‘I need a drink,’ she told him as she turned away to go back to her table. She sipped from her glass of Chardonnay.
‘Congratulations on a great party, Alexis!’ Tayla said, hugging her as she approached the table.
‘Yeah, great job, Aly,’ Bonnie agreed.
Alexis hugged her too. ‘Let’s dance, you guys,’ she said, walking with them onto the floor.
‘Hey,’ a voice whispered from behind her.
She turned around to see Bryan standing behind her, dressed in a pale blue shirt without a tie.
‘Hey,’ she said.
‘You look…’ he whispered.
‘Don’t I?’ she boasted with a grin, spinning around so he could admire her outfit even more.
He took a sip out of his beer glass.
She started to tell him that she was going to go back to her friends, but he interrupted her.
‘Do you want to take a walk?’
She hesitated. ‘Sure.’
He walked to the back door and opened it, allowing her to walk out before him.
It was quieter outside, although the slightly muted sound of dance music was still audible. There were a few groups of people scattered about, talking amongst themselves. The night air was cool and the faint smell of cigarettes and water hung in the air.
Alexis stared at the ground.
‘Is everything okay?’ he asked.
She nodded.
‘So listen,’ he began slowly. ‘You did a really good job tonight.’
‘Thanks,’ she said softly.
They walked a little while more in silence, before Bryan noticed she was shivering slightly.
‘Are you cold?’ he asked her.
She shook her head, although it was difficult to tell the shake of her head apart from the shivering of her body.
‘Here,’ he said. He undid his jacket and took it off to hold it up behind her.
‘Oh, no, Bryan,’ she said. ‘I can’t do that. Then you’ll be cold!’
‘I’m wearing a long-sleeved shirt,’ he said, gesturing to his shirt. ‘I’m pretty much covered.’
‘Oh my God,’ she muttered, stopping so she could slip into the jacket. ‘Thank you so much.’
He gave her a crooked smile. ‘It’ll still be warm,’ he told her.
It was true. The jacket continued to carry his body warmth and the smell of ckin2u For Him, which she couldn’t help but drown herself in as she plunged her hands into its pockets.
She locked eyes with him and for a moment wished that Chase was not her boyfriend, and that she would be free to be with Bryan.
‘Alexis,’ he said softly as his eyes searched hers, ‘when are we going to stop lying to ourselves?’
Alexis felt a small drop of water fall on her head. She shook her head, laughing. ‘What are you talking about, Bryan?’
‘Us,’ he said.
She raised an eyebrow, confused. ‘Us?’
‘Yes,’ he said, his voice annoyed. ‘You have feelings for me, admit it.’
She shook her head again as it began to drizzle. ‘No. I don’t.’
Tiny raindrops were scattering themselves around Alexis and Bryan.
‘You do,’ he told her. ‘I know you do. How else do you explain everything that’s been happening lately – you calling me about Chase, you sleeping in my bed –?’
‘Don’t do this to me now, Bryan,’ she interrupted him. ‘Not at Chase’s party.’
‘But you do have feelings for me,’ he whispered.
The rain fell harder, and tears began to well up in Alexis’s eyes.
‘Alexis,’ he said softly, reaching out to touch her shoulder.
She pulled away. Her hands still in the pockets of his jacket, she ran back into the party, leaving Bryan to stand alone in the rain.

Chemistry - Chapter 22

2009-01-09T14:13:00.001+11:00

Getting ready
‘I want the projector screen pulled down, and a microphone set up!’ Alexis called out. She was dressed in a pair of Juicy Couture grey track pants and a purple singlet top, and she was holding a clipboard in her right arm and a pencil in her left hand.
‘Hey!’ she yelled at Nick Lonsdale and Tayla, who were standing in a corner talking. ‘Can you guys please start decorating? Just put the posters up and stuff.’
She looked back to her clipboard as her friends disappeared into the back room to gather decorations. ‘Does anyone know when the caterer is coming?’ she asked loudly.
Elsie Dickson appeared before her, wearing a plain t-shirt and black track pants with her hair pulled back in a bun. ‘Alexis,’ she sighed, sounding relieved. ‘I’m so glad I found you. The drinks won’t fit in the fridge.’
Alexis frowned and walked into the kitchen with her. She stared around for a little while before turning back to the girl.
‘Why is their fridge so small?’ she whined. ‘Fine. Put any vodka in the freezer; it won’t freeze. And if there’s not enough space in the fridge – which I don’t think there will be, get eskies. Send people home to get their eskies if you have to.’
She walked around the hall, making sure the decorations were in place, the tables were set up for the caterers and that everything was in order.
‘Does anyone know what time the caterers get here?’ she asked again. When no one answered, she sighed loudly and went to the fridge to get a can of coke.
‘Alexis?’ a voice said.
She turned around to see a boy with straightened dark brown hair standing behind her. ‘Yes?’ she said.
‘I just got a call from the caterers. They’ll be here at 5,’ he told her.
‘Oh my God, thank you so much, Drew!’ she gave him a hug. ‘Everyone!’ she yelled loudly. ‘The caterers will be here in two hours! Finish up and get ready to party!’
She picked up her phone and scrolled through her address book.
‘Hello?’ a voice said on the other end.
‘Bryan,’ Alexis said.
‘Hi,’ he said.
‘Get Chase here in about an hour and a half.’
‘Okay.’
She hung up.

Chemistry - Chapter 21

2009-01-08T14:01:00.001+11:00

Another date
Chase flicked on the right indicator and turned his Lexus ISF around a corner.
His parents had bought the car for him for his eighteenth birthday, and he’d decided to take his girlfriend for a drive in it. Both Alexis and Chase were ignoring the tension between them, the elephant in the room. It was easier to pretend like nothing had happened, particularly tonight, when everything needed to be just perfect.
‘I’m so glad we’re spending this time together,’ Chase said.
Alexis nodded. ‘Yeah, me too,’ she said, staring away from him.
‘We hardly talk any more,’ Chase commented. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine,’ she lied, failing to elaborate.
‘That’s good,’ he said.
‘Yeah,’ she muttered.
‘Looking forward to tonight?’ he asked.
She nodded.
They sat a little while more in silence.
‘Can you take me home now?’ Alexis asked suddenly.
‘What?’
‘I have to go prepare for your party tonight,’ she told him.
‘Oh, okay,’ he said, proceeding to drive home in silence.
He reached her house and stopped the car outside. ‘You know, if something’s bothering you, you can tell me,’ he said, reaching for her hand.
She nodded.
‘So is anything bothering you?’
She bit her lip. She contemplated telling him everything; about how lonely and lost she’d been feeling lately since things were so distant and awkward between them, about how Bryan just seemed to be there, at a time when she needed someone to lean on, and about how she really wanted this all to be over because inside she was hurting so much. But she didn’t. Instead, she shook her head and let go of him, exiting the car.
‘I’ll see you tonight!’ he called out.
She slammed the door shut in a pathetic effort to wave goodbye to him.

Chemistry - Chapter 20

2009-01-07T14:39:00.003+11:00

Consolation
Tears streaking her face, Alexis fumbled with her phone and held it to her ear.
‘Hey,’ Bryan’s voice answered. ‘What’s up?’
Bryan’s casual greeting, as if she had just called to say hi, and his innocent cluelessness, stirred something in her. She sobbed loudly, unable to speak.
‘Alexis?’ he said, his voice filled with concern. ‘Are you all right? Where are you?’
‘At school,’ she blubbered.
‘I’m coming to get you. Just wait for me at the front gate, okay?’
She nodded. ‘Okay.’
~
‘I’m so sorry,’ Alexis spluttered as they entered Bryan’s house. It was the first thing she had said since they had talked on the phone, and all the way to his home.
Bryan shook his head. ‘It’s okay. Come in, sit down.’
She took a seat on the soft leather sofa in his living room.
‘Do you want something to drink? A glass of water or something?’
She shook her head, biting her lip and wiping away her tears as fresh ones made their way out of her eyes.
Bryan brought her a glass of water anyway. He placed it on the coffee table in the centre of the living room before sitting next to her. He leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands knotted together.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked tentatively.
She nodded vigorously, still biting her lip.
He gently put his hand on her shoulder.
‘I think Chase and I broke up.’
Bryan nodded, his eyebrows high with surprise. He had seen Alexis push Chase away as he was leaving the auditorium, but he had no idea that this would be the outcome.
‘It’s just…’ She picked up the glass of water, fingering the bumps carved as patterns into the glass, rather than drinking it. ‘You heard his speech, right?’
Bryan pressed his lips together in an effort to suppress his laughter. The speech had been quite funny, but he knew Alexis did not see it that way.
‘And you heard mine?’
Bryan’s desire to laugh quickly faded. The way Alexis had spoken about her love for Chase was so open and raw, like she was exposing her soul to everyone. Her courage in doing it, even after Chase had talked about how great girls are – not Alexis, just girls in general – made him want her to say all those breathtaking things about him instead, more than he already did.
‘Yeah, I did,’ he answered.
‘I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but after everything – the HTI concert, him getting jealous of you, standing me up to go out drinking – the speech just pushed me over the edge.’
Bryan nodded then caught himself. ‘Chase was jealous of me?’
Alexis sighed, exasperated. ‘He thought you and I were flirting the day of that Chem excursion,’ she explained.
‘Oh,’ he said, staring at the carpeted floor. Chase was jealous of me. Chase was jealous of me. Whoa. ‘Go on,’ he encouraged her.
‘So, yeah, I just walked away.’ She put down the glass as she suddenly burst into tears again. ‘And now… Every time I think back on it… I just feel like… Like, I don’t know… Like my heart’s being ripped out of my chest. Like I’m falling and falling and I’m never going to stop because Chase won’t be there to catch me…’ Her breathing increased and she started crying again.
Bryan stroked her shoulder gently but she pulled him closer, burying her head into the green Ashton pullover that clothed his chest.
‘Shh, shh, it’s okay,’ he whispered gently, hugging her whilst trying to make his desire to have her disappear.
‘I mean,’ she continued, lifting her head to look up at him. Her face was shiny with tears. ‘I know he’s done all this horrible crap to me but I can’t help it… I love him and lately I feel like he doesn’t love me as much.’
‘Yeah,’ Bryan muttered, staring through his window, out onto the terrace in his backyard.
Alexis looked at her Chanel watch. ‘It’s getting late,’ she commented. ‘Your parents will be home soon, won’t they?’
Bryan shook his head slowly. ‘They’re at a conference in Sydney,’ he explained. ‘So I’ve got the house to myself for this week.’
Alexis looked up at him. He still had that slightly rumpled look that she had noticed on the bus after the excursion, all those weeks ago. The stubble on his chin, while it may have seemed unhygienic or dirty to some, suddenly looked so attractive.
‘Is it okay if I stay the night?’ she asked.
Bryan blinked, startled by her request. ‘Yeah, sure. You can sleep in the guest room.’
~
Bryan was snoring softly in his room with his sheets covering his head and his limbs spread out over his bed when Alexis knocked on his door.
‘Bryan,’ she whispered.
He awoke with a start. ‘Yeah?’
‘Bryan, I can’t sleep,’ she walked closer to him.
‘Mm?’ he groaned, rubbing his eyes.
‘Can I sleep here, with you?’ she asked.
He rolled over and closed his eyes again. ‘Mm, do whatever.’
~
When he awoke to the sound of his alarm beeping loudly on the bedside table, Bryan sat up and lifted the sheets off the other figure in the bed.
‘Alexis?’ he asked.
She rolled over and looked at him, pushing her messy brown hair away from her face. ‘Morning,’ she said slowly.
‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, more curious than anything.
‘You said I could sleep here,’ she replied.
He frowned and looked around the room. ‘Did I?’
‘Yeah. You were, like, half asleep, but yeah, you did.’
He shrugged and groaned as he stretched. ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, his arms above his head.
‘Better,’ she said softly. ‘Thanks.’
He gave her a crooked smile. ‘No problem.’
~
They were standing at Bryan’s front door as he farewelled Alexis.
‘If you ever need to talk or anything, you know you can come to me, yeah?’
She nodded and leaned in close to hug him. As she pulled away, their noses grazed and they stayed like that for a moment, arms holding onto one another, noses touching, hearts beating faster.
‘I have to go,’ Alexis said, quickly gathering her things and reaching for the door handle.
‘Alexis, wait,’ Bryan begged, reaching out to touch her hand.
With tears in her eyes, she shook her head. ‘I can’t. And Chase…’ she trailed off before leaving his house without looking back.

Chemistry - Chapter 19

2009-01-06T15:45:00.004+11:00

A speech
‘…And even though we’ve had our rough times, I love him and I know he loves me. Even if we fight or disagree on something, I know that it’s the love that will always hold us together.
‘So for this speech we were asked to write about what is needed for a comfortable life. I know for most of the past four minutes or so you’ve been thinking that I believe that Chase is what is needed for a comfortable life. Well, my speech is not about Chase. Sure, I feel that I need him to make my life comfortable, but not everyone does. No, I believe that in order to live a comfortable life we need someone that will be with us and love us and care for us, whose name will be the last word we whisper and whose love will carry on, long after we die.’
The Year 12s were gathered before a podium in the auditorium, upon which Alexis was standing, a bunch of pre-cut cue cards in her hands, upon which her neat, cursive letters were written. She was dressed in the full Ashton Grammar uniform – skirt, shirt, tie and blazer, even though she hated wearing it – as it was regulation for public speaking.
Her classmates clapped loudly for her; every one of them moved by the way she had spoken about her love for Chase and the way the words were strung together compounded by her perfect, clear expression and engagement with her audience.
Alexis gathered her things and went to take a seat amongst her peers. The smile plastered on her face was a façade, though, a disguise to cover the hurt and pain she was still feeling after being stood up by Chase. She had refused to call him all weekend, believing that he needed space and time to be angry at her and to gather his thoughts and feelings about everything. And all the time she’d spent with Bryan – at the library, and at the concert – certainly didn’t make things any easier.
But now they were back at school, Alexis hadn’t seen Chase all day.
His speech hadn’t helped much either. He had said that he’d write about her; say that she was the thing that made his life comfortable. But no, he’d failed to do that. His speech was about “chicks” and how fantastic it is to live in a world with so many “hot girls” around. Alexis had to admit to herself that Chase had mentioned her, but only briefly and he hadn’t even said her name, just that “I was at this chick’s house one night and she was just eating a burger, but even then she looked sexy as hell!”
And then she had to go up there and feel the embarrassment of the entire year level look at her and wonder why she would continue going out with a guy that would label her as “this chick”, but everyone seemed to love her speech regardless of everything that had happened before it. Then again, Chase’s name had been at C, and hers was at W, meaning the students had heard nearly a hundred speeches, and gone out to breaks, in between them.
When the speeches had finished, the Year 12s were dismissed and the gentle hum of students talking busily amongst one another resumed. Alexis saw Chase looking at her from across the room and gave him a small smile. He broke into a grin and waved at her as he walked toward her, pulling her in close to him so her face was squashed against his black blazer, the green trim visible out of the corner of her eye.
‘Thank you,’ he whispered. ‘I love you so much.’
She pushed him away.
‘Hey!’ he said. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘You don’t know what’s wrong?’ she asked him incredulously.
‘No! I don’t! What the hell’s going on, Alexis?’ he demanded.
She shook her head in disbelief. ‘Okay, I’ll tell you “what the hell” is going on,’ she started.
People were staring at them as they passed, but Alexis was so angry she had stopped caring about what people thought of her. She had been stood up at an exclusive restaurant and declared her supposed undying love for someone who referred to her as “this chick” in front of all the Year 12s. This was nothing.
‘First of all, you forget to tell me that you’re selling your ticket to my favourite band’s concert. Then when I confront you about it, you decide to keep it, even though you don’t even like them!
‘Plus, the second I started to talk to you about this concert, you decide to accuse me of flirting with your best friend, who you know is my assigned partner in Chemistry. What did you expect me to do, not talk to him?
‘Then you asked me if it was that fucking time of the month! You completely disregarded my feelings when I was trying to talk to you about something I actually care about –’
‘Wait,’ Chase interrupted her. ‘You’re still on that? I thought –’
‘There’s more,’ Alexis cut in. ‘Remember our date at Koko? The one you wrote in your school diary in big letters and put a reminder with an alarm in your phone for?’
He stared at the ground. ‘Shit,’ he muttered.
‘You stood me up!’ Alexis yelled, frustrated. ‘Why?’ she asked. ‘Was it because of our fight last week?’
‘No,’ he said softly. ‘It’s just…’
‘What is it then? Please, just talk to me about this.’
Chase bit his lip. ‘The guys and I went out for drinks,’ he said sheepishly.
Alexis sighed. ‘So you blew me and the reservations we’ve had for months off for drinks with a bunch of guys?’
He shook his head, staring at the ground. ‘Caz was there too.’
Alexis stared up at the ceiling of the auditorium, her eyes brimming with tears. ‘I can’t believe this. You get mad at me for talking to Bryan when you go out partying with some other girl?’
She paused for a moment. The auditorium had emptied and the only sounds around them were the gentle scraping of chairs on the hardwood floor as some Year 8s began to clear them and Alexis’s breathing in an attempt to stop herself from crying.
‘Was that the inspiration for your speech?’ she asked. The beauty and poise that she had once carried seemed to be leaving her, and now she just looked tired and worn out.
‘Hey,’ he said softly as he reached for her arm. ‘You know it’s not like that.’
She stared up at him with bloodshot eyes. ‘You promised you’d do it about me. I changed my whole speech just so I could do the same for you.’
‘It was just a bit of a joke.’
‘So that’s what I am to you? “Just a bit of a joke”. I have been through so much for you – do you know how fucking humiliating it was to perform a speech about a guy that loves “all kindsa chicks”?’
‘That’s just one thing. You can’t base our whole relationship on a speech,’ he told her, trying to rationalise.
‘It’s not just that. You remember that time when I cried because I’d gotten a C on that English essay? That was because the night I was supposed to be writing it I was at your house because you stole my shoes so I couldn’t leave.’
Chase laughed.
‘Yeah, I know that was funny at the time, but that’s not the first time I’ve sacrificed school, my friends or even my family just for you. It just feels like I’m putting more effort into this than you are; like I’m trying to make it work and you’re just standing by to see the finished product.’
‘But… But this is us,’ he stammered. ‘We’ll get through this, won’t we?’
Alexis shook her head. ‘I don’t think we can. Not this time.’ She turned around to walk away but he reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her so she was facing him.
‘Don’t touch me,’ she ordered, her voice suddenly fierce. ‘I still have a bruise where you grabbed me last time.’
‘Alexis,’ he whispered into her hair. ‘I don’t want to lose you.’
She pushed him away. ‘Why does it matter? I’m just “some chick” to you, right?’

Chemistry - Chapter 18

2009-01-05T20:06:00.003+11:00

Hello readers!
I have decided to post new chapters every weekday until the end of the summer. I will give you all prior notice before I cease posting daily.
Happy reading!

Infusion
Alexis, Chase, Bryan and more than one hundred thousand other Hard Token Infusion fans were lined up outside the arena, waiting for a bouncer to check their tickets so they could go in and see the band play live.
Alexis, who was wearing grey skinny jeans and black Converse shoes with a long black top and a grey beret, squealed as they handed their tickets to the bouncer.
‘Hard Token Infusion!’
‘Yeah!’ Bryan yelled. He was dressed in a pair of jeans, Converse shoes and a long sleeved, black-and-white striped top.
Chase grinned.
Things between Chase and Alexis had not been resolved since he’d stood her up, but she wanted to give him the time and space to breathe before she asked him about it. She had been worried that he would mention it at the concert, but she was determined to forget about all their problems. After all, she’d been waiting for this night for a very long time, and she wanted it to be just right.
The three friends cheered as the band came onto the stage. Alexis screamed and grabbed her boyfriend’s arm.
The band began playing and Chase wrapped his arms around Alexis.
Bryan was dancing with a bunch of people next to them.
Chase tapped his foot to the sound of the music and hugged Alexis. She started jumping up and down in his arms excitedly, and he held her tighter.
Bryan looked over at them. ‘Come and dance with us, you guys!’ he yelled, his voice straining to compete with the music.
‘She’s in a straitjacket!’ Chase yelled, laughing.
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ she asked loudly. ‘This is Hard Token Infusion!’
She wrenched herself free from his arms and bounded over to Bryan, where she threw her hands in the air, pulled off her hat and swung her hair around, going insane to the music.
‘How awesome is this?’ Bryan asked her.
She laughed. ‘So awesome!’
She rested her hands on his shoulders, and he put his hands on her waist.
Alexis and Bryan spent the rest of the night dancing, singing and cheering for their favourite band together.

As they left the arena, Alexis leaned on Bryan. He slung his arm around her waist and almost flinched. Having her warm body against him felt so good.
‘I am so tired,’ she said.
‘Yeah,’ Bryan agreed. ‘But my mind is still wide awake.’
‘I know!’ she said. ‘I want to do that all over again!’
‘Are you going home now?’ Bryan asked.
‘I don’t want to,’ she said. ‘But there’s nowhere else to go, is there?’
‘There’s a bunch of bars and clubs and stuff open; we could go out for a drink.’
She was about to answer when –
‘Alexis!’ a voice called out from behind them.
She let go of Bryan turned around to see Chase running out of the arena.
‘Chase!’ she squealed. ‘How awesome was it?’
‘Awesome,’ he replied. ‘So listen, I’m going home now. Do you guys need a ride?’
Alexis and Bryan exchanged looks.
Alexis turned back to Chase. ‘Yeah, sure. That sounds really good. You coming, Bryan?’

Chemistry - Chapter 17

2009-01-02T21:02:00.002+11:00

A study date
Bryan checked his white gold Rolex Daytona. It was three minutes past ten and he was standing out the front of the state library, a Lacoste black satchel slung over one shoulder and across his body. He took in a deep breath and pushed the door open.
There were a few students scattered about the tables in the study area of the library.
Alexis looked up from something she had been reading and smiled at him. She beckoned him towards her.
He took the seat across from her.
‘What are you reading?’ he asked her.
She held up the book. ‘Jane Eyre,’ she told him.
He smiled. ‘Ah, you like the classics.’
She shrugged. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘It’s for English. What are you reading for English?’
‘The Great Gatsby,’ he said, opening his bag to find his Chemistry book.
She smiled. ‘You like the classics.’
‘Well, Gatsby is actually a "modern classic",’ he said with a grin.
‘It’s still a classic.’
‘Yeah,’ he agreed. ‘So what have you been up to?’
She shrugged. I got stood up, but… ‘Not much. Bonnie and I are going shopping for the Formal later today.’
‘Sounds like fun,’ he drawled sarcastically.
‘Hey! It is fun!’ she retorted. ‘Have you got a suit yet?’
He shook his head.
‘Well you’d better hurry up!’
He smiled casually. ‘My partner wants to come with me so I can get one that matches her dress.’
‘Oh?’ Alexis asked curiously. ‘Who’s your partner?’
Bryan shook his head. ‘She doesn’t go to Ashton. She’s at Hilum. I don't think you know her... Arianne Tan?’
She shook her head slowly. ‘Well, as you can probably guess, Chase is my partner.’
He laughed.
‘What are you doing for your speech on Monday?’ she asked him.
‘Free health care, particularly in developing countries where it’s needed,’ he replied.
‘Wow, I was going to do free medical care!’ she said.
‘Really?’ he asked.
Alexis nodded. ‘But not the bit about developing countries… It was more of a national thing. I guess I’m not as charitable as you are,’ she added with a laugh.
Bryan laughed. ‘So what’d you decide to do instead?’
‘Chase,’ she said.
‘Oh…’ Bryan trailed off.
‘So… Homogenous equilibria and the equilibrium law,’ Alexis muttered, quickly changing the subject as she read through her notes.
‘Oh,’ Bryan interrupted her. ‘I almost forgot.’ He reached into his bag and brought out an envelope. ‘Here. It’s your HTI ticket.’
‘Oh cool. Thank you!’
As Alexis reached across the table to take the envelope from him, he noticed the bruise on her wrist.
‘What happened to your wrist?’ he asked.
Alexis shook her head, staring at the table and withdrawing her hands, now holding the envelope.
‘It looks pretty bad. What’d you do?’
She shook her head again. ‘Chase just…’ she bit her lip. She couldn’t say this. Not to Bryan anyway. ‘Never mind.’
‘No, tell me,’ Bryan said, his voice more commanding than he had intended.
‘I was just trying to… Chase just… When we were fighting, he kind of grabbed me. Not hard, I mean…’
‘There’s a bruise there. Grabbing your wrist “not hard” wouldn’t leave a bruise.’
Alexis looked up at him. ‘Just don’t worry about it, Bryan. It won’t happen again.’
Bryan decided to let it go. He anticipated that she would become angry if he asked again, and couldn’t bear to have her turn her back on him.
Bryan wanted to say that he thought that that wasn’t right; that Chase shouldn’t have even touched her in the first place, not with the intention of hurting her at least; that she should leave him and be with someone who would appreciate her and look after her no matter what, someone like Bryan.
But he didn’t.
‘Listen, Alexis,’ he said, reaching over to touch her hand. ‘You don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to, but if you ever need to talk, I’m there.’
Alexis bit her lip and nodded. She couldn’t help but feel a fizzy, almost electric tingle run up her arm from the spot where Bryan had touched her, to her heart. She refused to admit it, even to herself, but she had felt it.

Chemistry - Chapter 16

2008-12-26T13:03:00.002+11:00

A date

‘Chase, party of two,’ Alexis said to the maitre d’ at Koko.
She was dressed in a bright red La Femme bubble dress and black Christian Louboutin stiletto heels, with her hair in soft curls around her face.
‘Your party isn’t here just yet,’ the maitre d’ said, looking down at the list of reservations. ‘You can take a seat at the bar while you wait.’
Alexis nodded.
Even though she was still upset at Chase, they’d both been extremely excited about coming to this restaurant, and she had already visualised them talking and liaising with the chef and people around them, and then laughing at their offhand attempts to catch the food, an activity that, while it was somewhat unappealing, sounded fun to Alexis and Chase, who were always willing to try new things. And she still wanted that. She still loved him, no matter how messed up things had become between them. She could hardly remember what they were fighting over. HTI, or was it because he’d gone to Caz’s house? Whatever it was, she felt that they had to get over it. Fighting wasn’t their thing, it wasn’t them.
She ordered a vodka and tonic and drank slowly, not wanting to start the party without her boyfriend.

One hour later, she looked at her Chanel watch and sighed. She had never been stood up before, ever. Granted, she and Chase had never been in a fight before either, and he was the only guy she’d ever been with.
But she couldn’t believe that he was so angry with her he wouldn’t even text her or call her to say he wasn’t coming. She checked the little purple screen on the outside of her phone again, just in case he had called her, but he hadn’t.
Embarrassed though she was, she held her head high, paid her tab and left with a friendly smile to anyone who made eye contact with her.

Chemistry - Chapter 15

2008-12-19T15:28:00.001+11:00

I won't
Alexis walked away from her friends as they entered the Chemistry classroom and threw herself into the seat next to Bryan.
He turned to look at her. ‘Everything okay?’ he asked.
She nodded slowly. ‘I’ve just had a bit of a rough day.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he offered.
‘Well, Chase and I got into this fight about Hard Token Infusion, and then he decided that he doesn’t want to give his ticket away and now he’s going and he totally doesn’t deserve to go!’ she whined.
‘Well, my cousin was going to go with us, but her parents want her to go to some other thing with them on the same night, so she’s selling her ticket. You could buy that one.’
Alexis nodded. ‘I think I will,’ she said.
Bryan turned away from her to look at the worksheet in front of him, believing the discussion was finished.
‘But see, that’s not why I’m so pissed off,’ Alexis said.
Bryan lifted his head to pay attention to her.
‘I wanted to apologise to him last night, and then I find out that he’s at some girl’s house. I mean, I wanted to apologise to him and then I find out that he’s lied to me. Again!’ she yelled, startling Bryan. She stopped herself. ‘I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this. You’re going to tell him anyway.’
‘No I’m not,’ Bryan contradicted her.
She scoffed. ‘Don’t lie,’ she said. ‘You so will.’
‘No,’ Bryan told her, his voice slightly irritated. ‘I won’t.’
She looked up at him from her worksheet as he implored her with those deep blue eyes.
‘Seriously.’

Chemistry - Chapter 14

2008-12-12T12:14:00.001+11:00

Friends
Alexis stormed into the locker room and threw open her locker door.
‘Aly!’ Tayla squeaked, her voice concerned.
‘Hi Tay,’ Alexis muttered, grabbing her Chemistry textbook.
‘What’s wrong?’ Tayla asked. She had never seen Alexis so wound up before in her life, except just before their Biology exam in Year 11, actually. But not like this.
Bonnie walked over to them, clutching her books in her hand. ‘Is everything okay?’
Alexis groaned and slammed the door shut.
‘Chase and I had a fight,’ she explained softly.
‘Wow,’ Tayla said. ‘You guys never fight.’
Alexis shook her head. ‘I know. But…I don’t know…lately, something just doesn’t feel right.’
‘Was this about yesterday?’ Bonnie asked apprehensively as they started walking to class.
Alexis nodded. She briefly explained the whole thing, the way she’d wanted to confront Chase, and then his anger at her for talking to Bryan, before the conversation returned back to the Hard Token Infusion concert, and the way Chase had lied about having a ticket.
Bonnie and Tayla listened as she spoke, sympathetically adding in partisan comments of ‘what an asshole’, and ‘don’t worry – everything will be alright’ as the story progressed.
‘I can’t believe he asked you if it was “that time of the month”,’ Bonnie remarked as the ascended the Science block stairs.
‘I didn’t say that,’ Alexis said suddenly.
Bonnie bit her lip and Tayla nudged her.
‘How did you know he asked me that?’ she demanded.
‘I’m sorry!’ Bonnie said. Bonnie was almost terrified of losing Alexis as a friend and was determined to do anything and everything to keep her place. ‘Kristy Thomas told us when we were walking on the oval. It’s just that…this never happens and everyone was so shocked.’
Alexis thought back to the scene. She and Chase had been yelling awfully loudly. She shook her head. ‘It’s not your fault. I’m just on edge because of everything that’s happening.’
Tayla and Bonnie were silent.
‘Argh!’ Alexis yelled as they turned the corner to their classroom. ‘You know, right now, he puts the “Frank” in “Frankenstein”.’
They all laughed at Alexis’s horribly bad joke.
‘Yeah,’ Tayla agreed. ‘He probably puts the “ex” in “Alexis” too.’
Alexis glared at her best friend. ‘That’s not funny.’

Chemistry - Chapter 13

2008-12-05T15:51:00.002+11:00

A fight

‘Chase!’
Chase turned around to find his girlfriend running towards him, wearing her school pullover, her hair tied over to one side.
Alexis caught up with him and they fell into step with one another.
‘How are you?’ he asked. He seemed unsure of what to say after yesterday’s disagreement.
She shrugged. ‘Not bad. And yourself?’
‘Yeah, I’m pretty good.’
‘What did you just have?’ Chase asked her.
‘Maths,’ she replied. ‘And you had Legal Studies.’
He let out a small laugh. ‘How do you always know what subjects I have?’
‘You can work it out,’ she explained to him. ‘When we pick our subjects, they’re organised in blocks, with a select few subjects in each block. So, if you have Legal when I have Maths second period on Tuesday, then you will have Legal and I will have Maths sixth period on Thursday.’
‘So what do I have for the rest of today?’ he asked her.
‘Two periods of History,’ she answered curtly.
‘Good job,’ he said slowly.
They both walked in silence through the courtyard, before finding the wall against which they sat every morning and lunchtime break.
‘So…’ he said slowly, fishing for conversation topics.
‘Oh,’ she said suddenly, reaching into the pocket of her skirt. She pulled out a small purple envelope and handed it to her boyfriend. ‘This is from Caz.’
Chase nodded and took it from her. He opened it and pulled out the note.
‘What does it say?’ she asked him.
He read it out to her.
She didn’t say anything for a few seconds after he had finished reading, leaving the words to hang in the air.
‘That’s funny,’ she said, staring up at the sky, before bringing the direction of her sight back to Chase. ‘I don’t remember you telling me that you were going to another girl’s house at 10pm.’
‘What?’ he asked.
‘Don’t try that dumbstruck –’
‘How’d you know I was there at 10pm?’ he interrupted.
‘So you were there at 10pm?’
‘Yeah, but how’d you know?’
She groaned loudly. She had envisioned that the confrontation would be different.
‘I felt really bad after being so mean to you after you’d waited, like, half an hour for us to come back from the excursion just to have me yell at you, so I thought I’d call you and make sure you were okay. It was around 10. And your mum said you were at “a friend’s” house,’ she explained.
He scratched his head. ‘Why are you being so protective?’ he asked suddenly. ‘You know, Caz is a pretty nice person. At least she wouldn’t yell at me like this,’ he added, looking at the ground.
Alexis’s eyes widened. ‘I am not being protective!’ she protested. ‘And don’t compare me to her! I’m just annoyed because I called you to apologise, and then found out that you’d lied to me again!’
‘Again?’ he asked, incredulous.
‘You completely left out telling me that you had a ticket to Hard Token Infusion that I could have bought from you!’ she said, her facial expression frustrated. ‘They’re my favourite band, Chase. Of all people you should know that.’
‘Well, if you must know, I’ve decided that I’m not giving my ticket away.’ He folded his arms over his chest.
‘What?’ she exclaimed. ‘You don’t even like them that much! You don’t deserve to see them!’
‘You can buy a ticket from Casey – you know, Bryan’s cousin – I think she decided not to go.’ He sighed. ‘And you know what? You shouldn’t be yelling at me; you haven’t even bothered explaining about you and Bryan on the bus yesterday!’
‘First of all: I am not yelling. And second: what the hell are you talking about?’ she asked.
‘Everyone’s saying that you and Bryan were flirting on the bus yesterday!’ he said loudly.
Alexis rolled her eyes. Her voice softened a little. ‘Don’t you trust me?’
‘I trust you, but –’
‘Don’t you trust Bryan?’
‘I trust both of you,’ Chase said loudly, in an attempt to exert his control over her. He was the man in the relationship, after all. ‘I just don’t understand why everyone is telling me that you two were flirting!’
She groaned, rolling her eyes. ‘If I didn’t sit with Bryan, I wouldn’t have found out about you selling your Hard Token Infusion ticket!’
Their voices seemed to be growing louder with each angry sentence they screamed at one another.
‘If I hadn’t bothered waiting for you then I wouldn’t have found out about you flirting with my best friend!’
‘If you’d just told me you were going to Hard Token Infusion, then we might not be having this argument right now!’ she yelled, standing up and starting to walk away.
‘Where are you going?’ he demanded, his voice angry.
She turned around, her hair flying off her face with a sudden gust of wind. ‘Away from you!’
He got up and followed her. He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her closer to him. As she resisted, he tightened his grip, bursting the capillaries between his fingers, digging deeper into her skin.
‘Fuck off!’ she yelled loudly, causing many people to turn and stare at them.
‘No!’ he yelled, still gripping her wrist. ‘Listen to me!’
‘Oh my God, Alexis and Chase are fighting. Should we do something?’ Leila Jackson whispered to Elsie Dickson quietly.
‘Huh?’ Elsie asked, looking up from her Sony Ericsson K800i. ‘Sorry, I just had to text Kristy; she won’t believe this!’
‘No one will,’ Leila replied, looking back up at the couple.
‘What?’ Alexis demanded, practically screaming in her boyfriend’s face.
‘What’s the matter with you?’ he asked. ‘What happened to you? Why are you acting so…’ Then it dawned on him. ‘Is it that time of the month?’
‘I can’t believe you’d ever ask me something like that! Fuck off!’ she repeated.
‘I’m sorry!’ he said.
The bell signalling the end of lunch rang then, reverberating loudly through the courtyard, breaking through their argument.
She shook her head. ‘Forget it, Chase.’
Then she turned around to walk away from him.

Chemistry - Chapter 12

2008-11-29T17:31:00.004+11:00

A note
Alexis walked into a classroom and sat next to Bonnie.
‘Hey,’ she muttered.
‘Hey,’ Bonnie said, flicking through a textbook. ‘Which chapter are we up to?’
‘Differentiation of transcendental functions,’ Alexis replied.
‘That’s right,’ Bonnie said. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked, suddenly closing her book and putting it on the table.
Alexis frowned. ‘Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?’
Bonnie shrugged. ‘I thought something might have happened yesterday.’
‘After the excursion?’
‘Yeah,’ Bonnie said, nodding and staring at the table. She slapped her palms on the table and turned to look directly at Alexis. ‘I have a confession to make.’
Alexis stared at her.
‘Tayla and I…’ she trailed off, before sighing and starting again, as if this was difficult to say. ‘Tayla and I told Chase that you and Bryan were flirting during the excursion yesterday.’
Bonnie felt terrible about having gone behind her best friend’s back, and she knew Tayla did too. But subconsciously, neither of them cared. To a certain extent, they just wished they weren’t living in Alexis’s shadow, or that, for once, her life would not be so perfect. Just once.
Alexis continued to stare at her.
‘We just thought he should know, because you guys did look kind of more-than-friendly on the ride home.’
Alexis sighed. ‘We were talking about Hard Token Infusion.’
‘Oh…’ Bonnie said. ‘Well then I guess that’s okay. Fans have got to talk to fans.’
‘Come on, if someone started up a conversation about The Marquees you’d go nuts.’
‘Yeah, did you know there’s a petition on their MySpace for them to come to Melbourne?’
Alexis laughed. ‘See?’
‘Yeah,’ Bonnie agreed, laughing. ‘Now tell me what happened with Chase.’
Alexis sighed. ‘Well,’ she began, ‘Bryan told me that he had one spare ticket to Hard Token Infusion, and I was like, “Who would buy a ticket to Hard Token Infusion and then suddenly decide they didn’t want to go?” and then Bryan’s like, “Chase said he couldn’t go” and then I was like, “That’s stupid ‘cause Chase knows that I love HTI and I would kill to go see them”.’
Bonnie nodded. ‘Everyone knows that.’
‘Yeah, but see the thing is, Chase didn’t seem to care, or he just didn’t know,’ Alexis continued. ‘And then when I got off the bus, Chase was all, “I need to talk to you” and I was like, “About what? About how you bought a ticket to HTI and decided not to tell me?” and he was just like, “What are you talking about?” and I was like, “You know what I’m talking about. I’m not taking this any more”.’
‘Oh my God,’ Bonnie gasped. ‘Did you guys break up?’
Alexis shook her head. ‘But I went home and I thought about it and I felt really bad, so I tried calling him, and his mum tells me he’s at a friend’s house.’
‘So what’d you do?’ Bonnie asked. ‘Did you try his mobile?’
‘Yeah, but he didn’t answer.’
‘How many times did you try?’
Alexis paused. She had only tried once. Bryan had called her before she could try any more than that.
‘Enough for me to give up,’ she said.
Bonnie nodded, pursing her lips in thought.
‘And we’re supposed to out to dinner tonight at this cool Japanese restaurant where they cook in front of you and throw your food at you for you to catch, and drink sake…’ her eyes began to cloud over.
Bonnie patted her best friend’s arm sympathetically. She was about to say something when a girl with curly mousey brown hair crouched down in between the two friends.
‘Hey girlie girls!’ she said, her voice loud and overexcited.
‘Hey Caz,’ Bonnie said unenthusiastically.
Caroline Thomas – Caz – was the hyperactive Social Captain, who organised the social events for the school, even though most of the time she gathered a team and delegated. She could get annoying, but Alexis had spent most of her life being determined to tolerate anyone, no matter how annoying, or dense, or plain incompetent they were. She felt that it wasn’t their fault and often people were just being themselves, without realising how annoying they could get. So she tried her best to be patient with everyone, even with Caz, who the whole of Year 12 seemed to hate, but had won her Social Captaincy because the other candidate, Elsie Dickson, had become Music Captain instead.
‘Alexis,’ Caz said her eyes wide and her mouth open. ‘Can I get you to give this to Chase?’
She handed her a purple envelope with “Chase” written on it in glittery green cursive letters.
‘Uh, why do you want her to deliver some mysterious envelope to her boyfriend?’ Bonnie asked her in a rude tone of voice.
Alexis gave her a warning look.
But Caz didn’t seem to notice. She giggled. ‘It’s not a “mysterious envelope”, silly,’ she said mockingly. ‘It’s just a thank-you note. He came over last night to help me with my History.’
Bonnie shook her head. ‘Chase isn’t in your History class.’
Caz shrugged. ‘I know. But he’s doing the same work as we are, isn’t he?’
‘Listen, why don’t you just take your permanent smile and your fake niceness and go take a super exciting trip to Toy Kingdom or something?’ Bonnie snapped.
No one said anything.
Suddenly Caz burst into laughter. ‘Bonnie, you are so funny!’ she remarked. ‘Anyways, so I’ll see you later! Bye girlie girls!’
Bonnie rolled her eyes. ‘Piss off,’ she said through gritted teeth.
‘Bonnie…’ Alexis said.
‘No!’ she retorted. ‘She is the most annoying person I have ever met. And you can just see she does it to try and get everyone to like her, which makes them hate her even more!’
Alexis was silent. She stared at the purple envelope in her hands.
‘Do you think it’s really a thank-you note?’ Bonnie asked her.
Alexis shrugged and began to put the envelope inside one of her books, but Bonnie grabbed her arm.
‘Wait,’ Bonnie whispered.
She stared across the room to make sure Caz was preoccupied enough not to notice her and took the envelope and turned it over. She slid one of her acrylic nails under the side of the flap.
‘No!’ Alexis hissed. ‘Don’t do that!’
She took the envelope from her friend and began to put it back in one of her books. Bonnie grabbed her arm again.
‘Don’t you want to find out if it really is a thank-you note?’ Bonnie asked her, looking into her eyes.
‘Why wouldn’t it be?’ Alexis asked, not breaking eye contact.
‘Chase didn’t tell you about Hard Token Infusion. Doesn’t that make you wonder what else he hasn’t told you?’
The girls continued to stare at one another for what seemed like a very long time.
She has a point, Alexis thought. She carefully opened the envelope and pulled out a little note on butterfly-patterned stationery.
‘“Dear Chase,”’ she read. ‘“Thanks a bunch for helping me with the History homework! Love lots, Caz”.’
She sat back in her chair, sighing and replacing the note.
‘Are you going to confront him about the note?’ Bonnie asked.
Alexis shook her head. ‘There was nothing incriminating enough in there to confront him about.’
Bonnie nodded.
They sat in silence for a while before Bonnie spoke again. ‘Are you going to confront him about going to her house?’
‘Yup,’ Alexis replied, closing the envelope properly and pushing it into her book.

Chemistry - Chapter 11

2008-11-21T09:28:00.004+11:00

Phone calls
Alexis sipped tea from a white mug before putting it on the table. She was dressed in Chase’s Dada jumper that he’d bought when he was 13, back when they were cool. Now too small for him, he’d given it to her. The baggy sleeves engulfed her petite hands and she only ever wore it to bed, but she loved wearing it. It made her think of Chase, and that made her almost happier than anything. She picked up her mobile phone and dialled a number she appeared to know only too well.
She only had to wait two rings before someone answered.
‘Hello?’ a female voice said.
‘Hi, Mrs Chase, is Chase, um – Frank there?’
Even though they had been dating for almost six years, Alexis still felt the need to address Chase’s mother by her surname. It was more a formality than anything else, but it somehow made Alexis feel nervous, and that the privilege of addressing his mother by her first name had not been extended to her yet.
‘Oh, hello, Alexis,’ Chase’s mother greeted her. ‘No, Frank has gone out somewhere.’
Alexis looked at the digital clock on her desk. 9:49pm.
‘At 10pm?’ she asked.
‘Yes, I believe he said something about going to a friend’s house, but I’m not sure if that’s where he is now.’
‘Oh, okay.’
‘He has his phone with him, I’m sure you can reach him on that.’
‘All right. I’ll try. Thanks, Mrs Chase.’
‘You have a good night,’ Mrs Chase said before hanging up.
She dialled another number and waited, listening.
‘Hey, you’ve reached Chase. I can’t answer the phone right now so just leave a message after the beep.’
Alexis’s jaw dropped and even after the beep she could not speak. She had never heard Chase’s voicemail message before – he’d always answered the phone right away when he saw that she was calling him.
She stared at the little purple phone in her hand. Her heart sunk and suddenly she felt broken and extremely low. All the hopes she had been hanging onto that things would be okay between her and Chase began to fade.
It was at this point that Alexis’s phone rang in her hand, jolting her. She did not recognise the number on the screen.
‘Hello?’ she said, holding the phone up to her left ear.
‘Alexis?’ a male voice said.
‘Who’s this?’
‘Sorry, Alexis,’ the voice said. ‘It’s Bryan.’
‘Bryan,’ she whispered, a smile making its way onto her face. ‘Hi.’
‘Hey,’ he said softly.
There was silence on both ends of the line.
Alexis sat on the stool at her desk and switched the phone over to her other ear. She took a long sip from her mug before picking up a pen and fiddling with it.
Bryan drank from a mug on his bedside table, and then lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, nervously gripping the grey t-shirt that covered his chest, before releasing it and gripping it again.
‘How’d you get my number?’ Alexis asked, breaking the awkward silence. She put the pen down.
Bryan laid his hand flat on one side of his stomach. The joints on his left hand, which he was using to hold the black Sony Ericsson W890i to his ear, turned white. ‘Uh, Chase gave it to me a while ago.’
‘Is Chase there? Can I talk to him?’ she asked.
‘Uh, no. He’s not here.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. Where’d you get that idea from?’
‘I tried to call him,’ she whispered, the confused expression returning to her face. ‘His mum said he was at a friend’s place. I thought he would be at your place.’
‘At 10 o’clock?’ Bryan asked, his brow creased.
Alexis let out a nervous laugh. ‘That’s what I said.’
‘Well, he’s not here,’ Bryan concluded. ‘But listen, I just called because I wanted to make sure you were okay.’
She nodded, although she knew he could not see her. ‘I’m okay.’
‘That’s good,’ he said.
The awkward silence returned. Alexis resumed playing with the pen and Bryan resumed gripping and un-gripping his t-shirt.
‘Thanks,’ she said.
‘That’s all right,’ he replied. ‘So I’ll see you tomorrow?’
‘For sure.’
‘All right. Double Chem.’
‘Yeah. It’s the only lesson we’ll have to work on the assignment.’
‘I know. That kind of sucks.’
‘It does.’
‘So we’ll have to meet up out of class?’
‘I guess we will. Did you want to go to the library this weekend?’ Alexis suggested.
‘Yeah, sure. Sunday morning or something?’
‘That works for me. I’ll see you there.’
‘Is 10am okay?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Hanging up now,’ Bryan said, grinning.
‘Bye, Bryan,’ Alexis whispered.
‘Bye.’
‘Wait, Bryan?’ There was no reply. ‘Bryan?’
She pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. ‘I just wanted to say thanks again.’

Chemistry - Chapters 3-10

2008-10-03T16:59:00.010+10:00

Hey guys,
You might be wondering why I am posting eight whole chapters...
Well, I'm actually going on a little holiday and won't be able to post again until November 21st.
You can read them all at once, or try to spread them out over a space of time (but I'm pretty sure I've given you more than enough to last until I post again).
Happy reading!

Trains
After school, Chase, Alexis and Bryan were at the train station, waiting for the train amongst other students. The street was filled with students climbing into cars arriving and leaving the school, walking home, and gathering in a large mob at the bus stops and train stations.
Chase’s house was actually only a 10 minute walk from the school, but he always waited for the train with his best friend and girlfriend, talking to them just because he could. Alexis and Bryan both believed they deserved better than to have to take a train to and from school, but since both their parents worked long hours and neither of them was old enough to drive yet, they had little other choice.
‘Hey, Chase, remember that time we were in Maths last year?’ Bryan was asking.
Chase burst into laughter, his arms tightening their grip around Alexis’s small stomach as he did so.
‘What’s so funny? What happened?’ she asked, looking up at her boyfriend.
The laughter quickly subsided.
‘Nothing,’ Chase and Bryan said in unison.
‘Tell me!’ Alexis whined. Alexis knew it was probably just another boy-joke, but she hated being left out, even if it was something that she didn’t care about or wouldn’t want to know anyway.
Chase let go of his girlfriend, spun her around so she was facing him and leaned forward so their noses were touching.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ he whispered, before he kissed her softly. It irritated him that she always had to know everything.
‘Attention passengers,’ the public address system suddenly said loudly. ‘The next train is due in one minute…’
The train roared loudly as it entered the station.
‘Hey! Alexis! The train is here!’ Bryan called out to the kissing couple. He began following the crowd of uniform-clad students onto the train.
‘Bye,’ she whispered to her boyfriend, letting him kiss her again.
She let go of his hand and hurriedly walked to catch up with Bryan, who was already at the door of the train. They both got on and stood near the door of the train, their bags littered on the ground.
He brought up his arms to take hold of the two handles on either side of him, bringing up his green school pullover with them. Alexis’s eyes wondered down towards his stomach. He was surprisingly toned, she noticed.
This was mostly because of the secret gym workouts he did almost every morning before school, but she didn’t know about those then. In fact, no one did. Bryan hadn’t even told Chase about them.
Alexis blinked, stunned by her own thoughts, and quickly bent down to open her bag. She pulled out a bottle of coke and took a long sip.

Party plans
‘Okay class, I am only giving you two lessons to complete your first assignment, which means you will have to meet up with your partners outside of class.’
Bryan leaned forward onto the table and buried his face into his folded arms. It was the last lesson of the day, and he was too tired to manage it.
‘Hey,’ Alexis whispered.
Bryan turned his head on its side to look at her.
‘We’re throwing Chase a surprise party for his eighteenth. Can you bring him to the Lector Town Hall?’ she asked.
‘When is it?’ he asked.
‘Saturday July 14th,’ she whispered, handing him a small cream-coloured card. ‘Invite only. Bring him in at about 8.’
Bryan nodded and closed his eyes again, without bothering to bury his head back in his arms. Alexis continued to look at him, watching the way his arms rose and fell as he breathed in and out. She caught herself and quickly averted her attention to her teacher.
‘In order for you to grasp the ideals and content of the assignment, you will have to undertake further research and reading outside of class. You are all lucky because we’re going on an excursion to help you with your research, although the information from the excursion alone is not enough for you to complete the assignment.’
He began walking around the room, handing out sheets with requirements for the assignment and a permission form for the excursion.
‘We’re going to the Karmon Institution?’ Bryan said, reading the excursion notice.
Alexis nodded. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘My dad takes his students there. He says it’s really good.’
‘Your dad has students?’ he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.
‘Mm-hm. He’s a Science-slash-Chem lecturer at Melbourne Uni,’ she explained. ‘Mr Carlson used to teach with him. They’re good friends.’
‘Your dad is friends with Mr Carlson?’
‘Shut up, Bry.’

Traffic stoppers
As Alexis walked down a crowded hallway, her mobile phone – a purple Sony Ericsson Z750i – started buzzing in the pocket of her skirt. She lifted it out and saw Chase’s number on the little screen outside of the clamshell.
She flipped it open before holding it to her ear.
‘Hang on, Chase.’
She walked past several of the students, stopping irregularly to greet them whilst Chase was still on the phone –
‘Hey Carly, I heard about your summer internship with that law firm; congrats!’
‘Hi Lori, tell your mum good job on the Spring Black Tie Night!’
‘Hey Sam, how’s everything with your boyfriend? Did you try what I said?’
‘Bonnie, you have to call me tonight!’
– before turning back to her phone.
‘So what’s up?’ she asked her boyfriend as she reached her locker and twirled the combination lock until it clicked open, revealing a shelf with neatly stacked books and underneath that, her dark green school bag.
‘I was just calling to check that you were still coming to my house.’
She held the phone in between her ear and her shoulder and gathered books from her locker, stuffing them into her bag.
‘Yeah, I am,’ she said as she pulled her bag out of her locker and slung it over one shoulder. She slammed the door shut and then took the phone into her hand. ‘What are we doing, anyway?’
‘I think you know what,’ Chase said in a somewhat devious voice.
‘Ooh,’ Alexis wiggled her eyebrows, although she knew her boyfriend could not see her. ‘That sounds good. You’re parents aren’t home, are they?’
Chase scoffed. ‘No way.’
‘I’ll see you at the front of the school in, like, five seconds, then.’
She opened the door and exited. Chase waved at her from the front of the school.
She approached him and hugged him tightly.
‘What’d you just have?’ he asked her.
‘Chemistry,’ she replied. ‘And you had History.’
He nodded as he held her hand and they began to walk out of the school.
‘So how was Chemistry?’ Chase asked.
Alexis shrugged. ‘Average,’ she replied. ‘But we’re going on this excursion next week. It’s to this place where my dad takes his students. Karmon Institution.’
Chase nodded. ‘What does your dad do again? High school teacher?’
Alexis bit her lip. There was a big difference between a high school teacher and a university lecturer. ‘University lecturer. I’ve told you that.’
‘Yeah, that’s right. Sorry, just sometimes I forget things.’
Alexis nodded slowly. She figured she could let him off this time.
They turned to cross a road and the cars immediately stopped for them, most likely because they were so beautiful. Chase had that smouldering look, with his dark eyes and smooth skin. He was very tall and his muscles were well toned. He could make any girl melt just by looking at her. Alexis had full pink lips and a perfectly proportioned body that made heads turn wherever she went. On their own, Alexis or Chase could stop traffic, but together, they could probably stop the world from turning.
When they reached his house, Alexis started kissing him at the door. They entered and hurriedly went to his bedroom, where she pushed him on the bed and continued kissing him.
‘Alexis,’ he gently pushed her away.
She lifted her head up and stared at him, with an incredulous expression on her face. ‘What?’
‘I’m hungry,’ he said, pushing her off him and climbing off the bed. He left the room and she heard the sound of him opening the fridge and gathering food.
She blinked, staring blankly at the wall.

Working out
Bryan relaxed his arms and released the weights of the ab crunch machine. He climbed off and grabbed a towel from the stack next to the bathroom door. His black wife beater and Puma track pants were soaked through and his forehead shone with sweat. He walked into the bathroom, took a shower and dressed in school clothes – grey tailored pants, white shirt, green tie and black blazer trimmed with green.
He was tired. These gym workouts took a lot out of him. For starters, he had to wake up at 5am. Of course, having done this for several years, he had become accustomed to it, but now that he was trying to juggle that as well as Year 12, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to drag himself out of bed. Furthermore, he had to pack his bag for the gym and school, which meant that it was quite heavy. The change of clothes and shoes as well as books and food weighed him down.
But he had to keep doing it. He had to work out.
Even when they were kids, Chase had been much thinner than Bryan, and this was particularly noticeable when they stood next to one another. That’s not to say Bryan was fat or even chubby as a child, just that Chase had a perfect metabolism, and next to him, Bryan did look quite chubby. So partway through Year 9, after they’d worked out their BMI in Health class and Bryan noticed his was significantly higher than Chase’s, he’d got himself a gym membership and started going before the sun rose.
He’d skipped a few weeks in the summer in between Year 9 and 10 and immediately the extra flab on his stomach returned. Thereafter, he knew there was no way he could afford not to work out, especially with all the coke he drank.
He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the gym, heading for the train station.
Every morning he met Alexis on the train, last carriage. Way back in Year 7, after Alexis and Chase had started dating, Chase introduced them. “You take my train” had been the first thing Bryan had said to her.
He shook his head now, embarrassed by his stupidity, even though he knew Alexis had probably forgotten it.
Eventually Bryan had noticed that Alexis always got on the last carriage, and every day after that, so did he. He just didn’t want to ride to school alone, and he figured she didn’t either.
Not that Alexis was ever by herself, Bryan thought to himself as the train pulled in. She somehow always managed to find someone to talk to or sit with, and never looked like a loner.
He entered the train to find her sitting with a boy dressed in a blue blazer.
Alexis waved him over.
‘Hey, Bryan,’ she said, grinning. ‘This is Ben. He goes to St. Alexander’s.’
The two boys nodded at each other in greeting.
St. Alexander’s School was a Catholic school about five stations away from Ashton.
Bryan spoke little on the way to school, noting the way Ben watched Alexis as she twirled her hair in her fingers, or giggled with a brilliant smile at his jokes. When he got up at the station in front of St. Alexander’s, he waved at them.
Bryan gave him a curt nod, and as the doors closed, he thought, you’ve fallen under her spell too.

Problems
Chase walked into the school to find his girlfriend running into him.
‘Hey, listen, we have to go see Principal Terr at lunch today,’ he told her as he let go of her and opened the door to the locker hall.
Alexis’s brow wrinkled. ‘I told you; we’re going on excursion all day today.’
‘Really?’ he asked, spinning the combination on his lock. ‘Where are you going?’
She sighed and looked away from him, at the ground, before looking back at him. ‘Karmon Institution. It’s for Chemistry. I told you that too.’
‘Are you sure?’ he asked. ‘I can’t remember.’
She sighed and looked at her watch – Chanel J12 in white ceramic. ‘I have to go now,’ she muttered as she turned around and walked away from him.
She walked over to Tayla and Bonnie, still standing in the courtyard.
‘Hey,’ she muttered, folding her arms.
‘Hey,’ Tayla said, her voice concerned. ‘What’s wrong?’
Alexis frowned and shook her head. ‘Nothing,’ she replied with a sigh.
The girls were silent before Alexis suddenly spoke again. ‘It’s just… Has Tommy ever refused sex?’ It had been almost a week since Chase had pushed her away for food, but Alexis couldn’t stop thinking about it. They had eventually done it, yes, but it bugged her that Chase had put her as a second priority. And now he was forgetting things too.
Tommy was Tayla’s boyfriend. He attended Hilum College, another private school on the other side of the city.
‘Not that I can recall,’ Tayla replied. ‘Why? Chase didn’t, did he? No way!’
Alexis bit her lip. ‘It’s not a big deal.’
‘Not a big deal?’ Tayla exclaimed. ‘You guys haven’t had problems…ever!’
‘He said he was hungry,’ Alexis said. She knew it was a feeble excuse, but she felt that Chase at least deserved a chance… Didn’t he?
‘No guy has ever put his stomach over his penis, trust me,’ Tayla said irrefutably.
‘He has been acting kind of weird lately. He keeps forgetting stuff. He forgot that we had this excursion today, but he remembered that we had to see Principal Terr about the Science block renovations.’
‘Hmm…’ Tayla mused.
Inside, she was kind of happy. She loved Alexis and Chase, there was no doubt about that, but she couldn’t help but want them to have a problem. They were always so happy and never fought, but in comparison, she and Tommy were constantly having problems in their relationship and for some reason, Alexis was always able to solve them. It pleased her that for once, Alexis did not know what to do.
‘There must be something going on with him,’ she said.
‘When should we go to the bus?’ Bonnie interrupted.
She tried to hide it, but Bonnie really didn’t like talking about sex. It discomforted her that she hadn’t lost her virginity yet, even though her best friends had. She didn’t want to seem inexperienced, but she just wasn’t ready yet. They thought she’d already done it with her old boyfriend, Chris, though. They almost had, but Bonnie had chickened out at the last minute. Chris had understood but eventually they’d broken up because they really did want different things.
Tayla shrugged.
‘May as well,’ Alexis said.
‘How are the plans going for Chase’s party?’ Tayla asked as they began walking.
‘Not bad,’ Alexis said. ‘You guys are definitely coming, right?’
They nodded.
‘Let’s go shopping for dresses and shoes this weekend!’ Bonnie squealed, jumping up and down and clapping her hands.
A charter bus was parked at the front of the school, with several other students standing around it.
‘Alexis,’ Bryan said as the girls approached the bus.
He was wearing his usual slightly sombre expression, and his hair hung in his eyes.
‘Bryan, hi,’ Alexis replied with a smile, stopping in front of him.
‘Hi Bryan,’ Bonnie put in as she and Tayla walked past him.
Bryan nodded at the other two girls, as the bus driver and their teacher came to the front of the school.
‘Morning Mr Carlson,’ Alexis greeted her teacher.
‘Good morning Alexis,’ he said. ‘Are you excited about the excursion?’
Alexis forced a smile. ‘Yeah, sure,’ she said with false enthusiasm.
He laughed. ‘Have you been to this one before?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘But I have heard of it.’
‘Yes, you would have,’ he told her. ‘Your father enjoys it, doesn’t he?’
She nodded, giving him a real smile.

Hooligans
When they got to the institute, a woman with dark red cropped hair greeted them.
‘Welcome, Ashton Grammar Year 12 Chemistry,’ she said. ‘My name is Julie. Can I just ask you to put on these lab coats and get yourself a partner for the day?’
‘They already have partners,’ Mr Carlson said to her.
Alexis looked at Bryan as they were getting lab coats. ‘Partner?’ she asked.
He nodded with a laugh.
‘Now follow me,’ Julie said, beckoning them through the metallic grey hallways of the institute.
Alexis and Bryan were the last to leave the room.
She was adjusting the sleeves of her oversized lab coat when Bryan walked into her.
‘Hey!’ she yelled, playfully pushing him back.
‘Come on, hurry up!’ he said, grinning at her as he purposely walked into her again.
‘Ow! Stop it!’ she pushed him by the shoulders and he fell into a shelf of test tubes and beakers behind him.
They both laughed.
‘Oh, you’re going to get it now!’ he said, running at her and playfully shoving her into a projector, which toppled off the table and fell to the floor, where it broke into pieces.
‘Oops,’ Alexis said softly.
A small grin made its way onto Bryan’s face, but quickly vanished when Julie appeared in the doorway.
‘What is this?’ she screamed. ‘How did this happen?’
Alexis and Bryan both started talking at once.
‘I expect much better behaviour from Year 12s,’ she interrupted their excuses.
Mr Carlson poked his head into the room. ‘Is everything okay?’ he asked.
Alexis and Bryan exchanged guilty glances.
‘Mr Carlson,’ Julie said, ‘your students have destroyed property that belongs to the Karmon Institution. Really, I don’t believe you should be keeping such hooligans in your class, let alone such a prestigious school as Ashton Grammar.’
She stormed out of the room.
Mr Carlson turned to Alexis and Bryan.
‘What happened?’ he asked.
‘We accidentally broke the projector,’ Bryan muttered to the floor.
Mr Carlson scratched his head. ‘Well… Frankly, I don’t mind.’
Alexis and Bryan looked up, surprised.
‘I hate that woman, really,’ Mr Carlson admitted in a whisper. ‘But since she seems so offended by you two, you should probably just go sit in the bus.’
And with that, he left the room.
Alexis looked at Bryan. ‘Do we have to pay for that?’ she asked.
Bryan shrugged. ‘I think the school does. Come on; let’s go out to the bus. They’re finishing in about half an hour anyway.’

Music
‘Quick, get a seat near the back of the bus!’ Bryan urged as he boarded the charter bus with his partner.
Alexis sat at a window seat four rows from the back and he snorted. ‘Hooligans!’
She laughed, her mouth wide in a smile, bunching up her cheeks and reducing her eyes to happy lines.
Bryan sighed, resting his head on the palm of his hand. He sat up and reached into his pocket to bring out his white video iPod.
‘Ooh, you have an iPod,’ Alexis commented. ‘What kind of music do you like?’
‘Uh… Do you mean in terms of genre or…what?’
‘Whatever. Got a favourite band?’
‘Hard Token Infusion,’ Bryan replied with a curt nod.
Alexis’s eyes widened. ‘Hey, they’re my favourite too!’
‘What? Are you serious?’ he asked.
‘Yeah!’ she yelled. ‘I can’t believe you like them!’
‘Yeah, I love them,’ he said. ‘Are you going to their show this year?’
She shook her head. ‘I couldn’t get tickets. I was so pissed off.’
‘Really?’ he asked. ‘I’ve got one extra if you want it.’
She let out a squeal. ‘You’re not being serious!’
‘I’m being dead serious.’
‘Who would drop going to Hard Token Infusion?’ Alexis asked.
‘Uh…’ Bryan trailed off. He paused, unsure of whether to tell her or not. The truth was that Alexis’s own boyfriend that had decided not to go after he had paid for the ticket. When Bryan said he had an extra ticket, he thought Alexis had known.
‘Chase,’ he said finally. ‘Chase said he couldn’t go.’
A confused and hurt expression grew on Alexis’s face.
‘Are you okay?’ Bryan asked her.
She sighed. ‘He knows I love Hard Token Infusion,’ she muttered. ‘He knows that they’re my favourite band.’
‘Hey,’ he nudged her. ‘Maybe he was going to give you the ticket later. Surprise you or something.’
She nodded slowly.
‘Do you want to listen?’ he asked, gesturing to the iPod.
She nodded again and put one of the white earphones in her right ear, leaning closer to Bryan so it wouldn’t fall out.
They were so close together she could smell the soft lime-y scent of his ckin2u EDP wafting off his neck and see the little dark blonde hairs sprouting around his mouth. It was cute. Chase was always clean-shaven and Alexis thought that a boy’s face looked more distinctive with stubble.
He met her eyes with his own and gave her a small crooked smile. Bryan stared at the clearly defined lines outlining Alexis’s green iris. She really did have striking features – her eyes, framed by long, dark, beautiful lashes; flawless skin; and perfectly straight white teeth. He reminded himself that he was smiling at his best friend’s girlfriend and looked away.
‘Just pay Chase the money when you want the ticket; I think he still has it,’ he croaked.
Right. Chase. Your boyfriend, she reminded herself. ‘Okay.’
Bryan selected one of the Hard Token Infusion albums and played it on shuffle.
Alexis entertained herself by staring away from Bryan, out the window on the other side of the aisle.
Bryan sensed she was feeling upset and wished he could do something to cheer her up.
‘Hey, Al,’ he whispered.
She whipped her head around to look at him, pulling out her earphone in the process.
‘You’re a hooligan,’ he whispered.
Her whole face lit up when he’d whispered those three words. She laughed loudly until her face turned red and she started sweating almost nervously.
‘It’s really warm in here,’ she said, taking her blazer off. Alexis hated wearing the blazer, but the school forced them to wear it on excursions because they were “representatives of the school” and had to look good.
Bryan let his eyes wonder to her chest as she pulled off her blazer, leaving herself in her tight school shirt. The shirt seemed to accent her body in a way that no one else could pull off. She was so beautiful, so soft, so –
‘Hey!’ Bryan exclaimed. ‘Why’d you change the song?’
‘I don’t really like that one,’ Alexis said.
‘You don’t like “Only For You”?’
‘Not really.’
‘How can you not like “Only For You”?’
‘I don’t know. It just doesn’t work for me!’
‘Fine,’ Bryan said, folding his arms and causing Alexis to lean closer to him as he had crossed his arms over the white wire trailing from his ear to the iPod in her hand. ‘What’s your favourite song?’
‘I don’t know,’ Alexis whined. ‘You can’t ask me to do that – it’s like trying to play favouritism with your children!’
Bryan cocked an eyebrow at her.
‘I mean, “Melinda”.’
‘That’s released.’
‘That doesn’t make it bad!’
‘Yeah, but it doesn’t improve it a whole lot either. A released song is heard by thousands more people than an unreleased song. If a song is released, it’s like old news.’
She sighed and shook her head.
They were quiet for a few seconds before Bryan broke the silence.
‘Do you really think choosing a favourite song is like choosing the one you like most of your kids?’
‘I’m not actually sure,’ Alexis replied softly. ‘I don’t think I’m going to have kids.’
‘Really?’ he asked. ‘I hadn’t even thought about having kids!’
‘I guess it’s because I have a boyfriend,’ she muttered.
Bryan stared at the ceiling of the bus in thought. ‘Does having a boyfriend really impact so heavily on that decision?’
She shook her head. ‘Not really. But I thought I loved him enough to marry him and have a family with him.’
‘Oh,’ Bryan said slowly, bringing his eyes back to her.
‘But now I don’t know. It’s a really big responsibility, having a kid. I’d have to walk around for nine months with this whole other body on me, and eat for two, and then I’d get really bad mood swings and then I’d have to go through the pain of labour and –’
‘Okay! Stop right there!’ Bryan exclaimed, holding up his hands. ‘That’s plenty.’
She laughed and pushed him gently on his arm. ‘Piss off,’ she giggled.
He gave her a crooked smile.

Trouble in paradise
A minibus pulled up to the front of the school and Chase shifted his weight as he watched the door, waiting for his girlfriend to come out.
‘Whoooa, Chase with the face!’ Callum Fitzgerald said as he came out of the bus. ‘You’ve got some heavy competition!’
What? Chase thought.
‘It’s okay, Chase,’ Nick Lonsdale said, patting him on the chest. He raised his eyebrows suggestively. One had two piercings in it.
‘What?’ Chase said aloud. Callum and Nick just walked away.
‘Chase,’ Bonnie greeted him as she got off the bus. ‘I should warn you; there is some explicit stuff happening.’
‘Yeah,’ Tayla agreed. ‘I don’t know if you can take it.’
‘What the hell is going on?’ he asked, frustrated.
Bonnie and Tayla sighed in unison and exchanged looks.
‘It’s better if you wait for Alexis,’ Tayla said.
‘Yeah,’ Bonnie added. ‘Better you hear it from her than from anyone else.’
‘Especially not Bryan,’ Tayla said quickly.
‘Wait,’ Chase said. ‘Why not Bryan?’
Tayla and Bonnie exchanged glances again.
‘There was some pretty heavy…um… What’s the word?’ Bonnie asked.
Tayla sighed. ‘Your girlfriend and Bryan were getting kind of chummy on the ride home.’
‘We’re really sorry,’ Bonnie said. ‘We wanted you to hear it from Alexis, but you wouldn’t let it go.’
They both shrugged and walked into the school.
Chase watched them before turning back to the bus. Alexis and Bryan were getting off together. Alexis was laughing at something Bryan had said, and he was wearing his broad, crooked smile.
‘What’s so funny?’ Chase asked them.
The laughter stopped suddenly. ‘Nothing,’ Alexis and Bryan said in unison.
‘Alexis, I need to talk to you,’ Chase said stiffly.
‘Okay…’ Alexis said slowly. ‘What do you want to talk about? How you were about to go to HTI and didn’t bother to tell me?’
‘No. I wanted to talk about you getting “chummy” with…’ he trailed off. ‘What?’ he looked baffled.
‘Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, Frank,’ she said angrily.
She only addressed him by his first name when she was particularly angry with him.
Bryan stood silently, staring at them both. Uh-oh, he thought. Trouble in paradise. Should I stay or should I go?
‘You bought a ticket to Hard Token Infusion,’ she continued. ‘My favourite band! And then you decided that you couldn’t go. It is one thing to omit telling your girlfriend – who, by the way, couldn’t get tickets to that show – that you were going in the first place, but to drop out and not tell me that you could have sold that ticket to me? That’s criminal, Frank!’
‘I had no idea you liked them!’ he said, throwing his hands up.
‘You… What?’ she demanded.
‘I –’
‘You don’t even know who I am!’ she exclaimed, throwing up her hands and walking away from him.
‘Babe, don’t be like that!’ he yelled out.
She did not turn around, but rather held her left hand up above her left shoulder and raised her middle finger.
Chase opened his mouth to call out to her again, but his best friend put up a hand.
‘Just forget it, man,’ Bryan told him. ‘I’ll go talk to her.’
Before Chase could protest, Bryan ran after Alexis, who was walking very quickly towards the train station.
Great, Chase thought to himself. Now they have even more time alone together. He groaned and turned around to walk home.
‘Alexis!’ Bryan called out.
She stopped walking to look at him.
‘Alexis,’ he said, slightly out of breath. ‘I’m sorry.’
She sighed and began walking again, a little slower this time.
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I could have told you earlier,’ Bryan said, looking at the ground.
Alexis shook her head. ‘You thought I already knew. Besides, it’s not your responsibility. You’re not my boyfriend.’
Bryan let out a sigh and nodded. I wish I was.
They continued to walk to the train station, neither of them speaking. The air was cold and bitter, and it whipped their faces, numbing the ears and nose. Although there was no wind, their hair and clothes were lightly blown behind them because of the pace at which they were walking.
There was no noise, but for the sound of their feet hitting the ground at irregular intervals as they walked along the footpath.
Bryan suddenly let out a laugh.
Alexis stared at him, her expression irritable as if she had enjoyed the silence.
‘Hooligans,’ he spat through chuckles.
A smile spread on Alexis’s face and she began to giggle. She gave him a friendly push as she leaned forward with laughter. Bryan stumbled on the neatly trimmed green grass on the nature strip.

Chemistry - Chapter 2

2008-09-26T17:57:00.005+10:00

Imperfect.
‘Okay, class, settle down!’ a middle-aged man at the front of the classroom called.
The chatter in the classroom slowly quietened.
‘I know that you haven’t seen each other for two weeks, and I understand that you have to catch up with all your friends, but first period has been shortened by ten minutes because of the new timetable, so you’re all going to have to pay attention.’
Alexis sat in the seat next to her boyfriend, and dragged her chair closer to him so he could put his arm around her.
‘Everyone will be able to do a selected text this term,’ the teacher said.
‘Awesome,’ Alexis muttered. ‘I’ll be able to do Jane Eyre.’
‘Who’s that?’ Chase asked her.
She frowned. ‘It’s a novel by Charlotte Brontë. It’s one of the most well-known books today,’ she told him.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Like, everyone knows it.’
He shook his head. ‘Well, I didn’t.’
She stared away from him, at the table to her right. It irritated her that Chase remembered so little about her. She’d read Jane Eyre when they were fourteen and had continually told him how much she loved it, how much she loved all the Brontë sisters’ works.
‘You will also be completing your oral outcomes in two weeks. Remember, the topic is, “What is needed for a comfortable life?” If anyone wants me to look over their speech or practise with them, just book an appointment during one of my free periods.’
‘So what are you doing your speech on?’ Alexis asked Chase.
‘You,’ he replied, smiling.
‘Really?’ she asked, her whole face lighting up. ‘You’re joking, right?’
He shook his head. ‘Of course not. Why do you think I’d joke about something like that?’
‘I don’t know. Well, I guess I’ll do you too, then.’
‘I thought you wanted to do free health care?’
‘Well it’s going to sound kind of stupid if you talk about your girlfriend, and your girlfriend talks about Medicare.’
He laughed.
When the bell rang the class gathered their things to leave.
‘What do you have now?’ Chase asked his girlfriend as they walked out of the door together.
‘Chemistry,’ she replied, pulling her books in closer to her chest. ‘You have History.’
He nodded. ‘That I do.’
‘Bye,’ she said, walking away from him as he turned a corner. She strode through the crowded hallway, occasionally waving to other students around her or stopping momentarily to have short conversations with them, towards the Science block. The crowd in the hallway gradually began to disperse and soon Alexis was walking amongst only a small number of students.
It did not concern her that she may have been late to class; teachers loved her no matter what she did.
A figure dressed in the regulation Ashton Grammar grey pants and dark green pullover was walking alone up the Science block stairs.
‘Bryan!’ Alexis called out.
The figure turned around, revealing a boy’s face. He had deep blue eyes and a solemn expression, framed by his dirty blonde hair; so long it was beginning to flick up away from his ears. He was carrying a small selection of books under a black pencil case.
‘Hey,’ Bryan muttered. He rolled his head to the side in an effort to flick some of his hair out of his eyes.
Bryan Carver had been Chase’s best friend since they were very young. Together the two of them had come to be known as a duo. The cool one and the funny one, but with one small difference – Chase was both.
Bryan had always felt overlooked. The youngest of three boys, his parents – a computer engineer and a French-English translator – had never had time for him alone, which he understood, but could not help but feel resentful about. Even though the other Carver boys had moved out of home, his parents still seemed to acknowledge them over Bryan. Having a perfect best friend like Chase just made this worse. Bryan’s parents often acknowledged Chase’s aptitude in everything, and seemed to never grow tired of asking Bryan, “Why can’t you be more like Frank?”
In some ways Bryan often hated Chase, for being so smart and athletic, for having all the friends, for being the perfect son his parents never had, for having the beautiful girlfriend… But he could never say that to him.
He breathed in the soft pink grapefruit scent of Alexis’s ckin2u perfume as they fell into step with one another. ‘How are you?’ she asked him.
He shrugged, ignoring the tingly feeling in his chest. ‘Good,’ he muttered.
He pushed open the door of their classroom and gestured for her to walk in first.
She took a seat in between two of her friends. Tayla Anderson, with her short layered blonde hair and lips smeared with Lancôme Juicy Tubes Pop lip-gloss in Berlingot, had been Alexis’s friend since Primary School, and had always been her second-in-command. Bonnie Langston had joined them in Year 7. Alexis loved both the girls equally, but she had no idea how much both of them desired to be her, not just her followers.
‘Hey, we get new partners today, don’t we?’ Tayla asked.
‘Yeah,’ Alexis said, nodding. ‘It’ll be awesome.’
‘I know,’ Bonnie put in, pushing a stray strand of brown highlighted hair away from her face. ‘I am so sick of being Carl’s partner.’
The three girls looked over at a boy sitting at the front of the class, wearing thin-rimmed glasses with circular lenses, upon his large pointy nose. He was playing with something in his hands.
The girls let out small gasps in unison as he put the thing in his mouth.
He turned around to grin at them, showing that his plate was now securely on his teeth.
‘Oh my God, Tay,’ Bonnie muttered to Tayla. ‘I can totally understand why you’d want to get rid of him.’
‘Yeah,’ Tayla said in agreement. ‘I just hope neither of you guys gets stuck with him.’
‘Don’t be so mean, you guys,’ Alexis said sympathetically.
Tayla turned to her to make a retaliation but their teacher was calling for their attention.
‘Okay, class,’ he said. He scratched his balding head and glanced around the classroom. ‘Here are your new partners for the rest of the term – you know the protocol. You have to work with them for the entire term, you have to do everything together; every single prac, every assignment, and you will sit with them during every class.
‘Tayla Anderson and Bonnie Langston,’ he read from the clipboard in his hands.
The girls on either side of Alexis let out squeals and hugged each other over her.
‘Bryan Carver and Alexis Wonders,’ the teacher continued.
Alexis looked over at the boy she had walked to class with and gave him a small smile. He nodded to her in greeting.
When the teacher had finished reading out the names of the students and their partners, he told them to get out of their seats and move so they were sitting next to their partners.
‘Hello, Al,’ Bryan said as he came to sit with her.
‘Did you just call me Al?’ she asked him.
‘Yeah, Al,’ he replied, flashing her a crooked smile. ‘Why? Don’t you like me calling you Al, Al?’
‘Fine,’ she said as she shook her head, smiling. ‘I’ll just call you Bry. Okay, Bry?’
‘Call me whatever you want. It doesn’t bother me.’
‘Okay, Bry.’

Chemistry - Chapter 1

2008-09-19T16:57:00.002+10:00

Perfect.
A young boy that looked to be about 17 years of age walked down the street, passing several large vintage-style houses, hidden behind neatly trimmed bushes and trees. He was dressed in a black school blazer, grey pants and shiny black leather shoes, with a large dark green school bag on his back. His dark brown hair was long enough so the curls were noticeable, but short enough so that his face and the white earphones in his ears could still be seen. His brown eyes stared straight ahead, as if none of the large modern-style houses around him interested him or were new to him.
He turned a corner and a large concrete building came into view. He walked around the side of the building before a girl came running into his arms.
She had a small frame, thin and gentle, albeit strong, and long straight brown hair falling around her shoulders. She was dressed in a green tartan tie and skirt, white shirt and knee-high white socks and was holding a paper coffee cup in her hand.
He hugged her tightly.
This was Frank Chase and Alexis Wonders – a.k.a. Ashton Grammar’s alpha-couple. They had been going out since anyone at the school could remember. Together they had won Cutest Couple, King & Queen, Prince & Princess, and even Couple Most Likely To Marry at every single event on Ashton’s social calendar. They never seemed to fight but they weren’t all over each other all the time, either. Whenever anyone had a relationship problem, they would go to either of them, because they always knew exactly what to do.
He was Ashton Grammar’s male captain; she was their female. Both had won by a landslide against candidates that should have been afraid to oppose the leaders that had been cut-out since they set foot on the school grounds, way back in Year 7.
They were social and friendly with everyone at school. They had groups of friends, but their affability extended beyond these groups to everyone, without discrimination. Everyone wanted to befriend them and they were never turned away.
They were good at sport. Both their walls were adorned with medals from past sporting events – his from basketball and soccer, hers from tennis and netball.
They were intelligent. If you couldn’t do something, they could. But they weren’t arrogant about it. They were willing to help anyone in need and sat patiently until the other person entirely understood their schoolwork. More than that, they didn’t need to spend hours doing homework because they somehow managed to produce top results no matter what. He was an expert at Humanities, choosing subjects like Legal Studies and History; she specialised in Sciences, completing her schooling with subjects like Chemistry and Physics.
They both worked at a movie theatre where they were excellent at their jobs, not that they needed them. Both their parents were very wealthy – his father was a lawyer and his mother was a chef at a five-star restaurant; her father was a university professor and her mother was the owner and manager of an electronics franchise.
They were both only children, which meant their parents could dedicate all their time, energy and money into looking after them. This was why they were both so perfect in every way. They were popular, athletic, and smart and always got everything they wanted.
‘If it ain’t Chase with the face,’ she said, grinning as she looked up at him. If there was one issue Alexis had with her boyfriend, it was his name. She (and most other people he knew) chose to refer to him by his surname. Sure, she hated to discriminate, but – as she said softly to her girl friends, and this was probably the one thing she had never said to Chase – “who would name their son Frank?”
‘Morning, Gorgeous,’ he greeted her, leaning down to kiss her lips gently.
They stopped kissing and he put his arm around her as they walked into the school, amongst the other buzzing students dressed as they were.
Alexis threw the coffee cup in a bin they passed, swinging her hips gently as she walked. If there was one issue Chase had with his girlfriend, it was the way she walked. She always swung her hips from side to side and although no one else noticed this, Chase couldn’t help but grind his teeth every time he saw her walking. It was probably the one thing he had never said to Alexis.

Acknowledgements for Elliot

2008-09-12T17:56:00.002+10:00

A massive thank you to…

Bill Lawrence, for showing me that Elliot can be a girls’ name.
Alasdair Duncan, for indirectly teaching me how to describe what marijuana smells/tastes like, and the effects smoking it has on people.
John Kilner, for believing that my story was good enough to be published in The Age (August 25th, 2008).
Thomas and John Knoll, for creating Photoshop, and therefore allowing me to create my title banner and chapter headings.
deviantart.com for their Photoshop brushes and 1001freefonts.com for the font used in the banner and the chapter headings.
Jason Wade, Bryce Soderberg, Rick Woolstenhulme Jr. and Ben Carey (a.k.a. Lifehouse) because Breathing was very much an inspiration to me whilst writing this story.

And, of course, a bunch of hugs to everyone that read this story, even if you only read two sentences and decided you hated it. One hundred hugs to everyone that left a comment: Adelaide Dupont, lockchen, Michelle Chin, Ali and “Anonymous” (heh-hem). But – but! – one thousand hugs to Izix, Hoong Lyn, John and Greg because you guys left multiple comments!

That’s right, readers, Elliot is over. I hope you all enjoyed it, and that the end was just as good as you expected it to be (hopefully better)! Please send me comments detailing what you did or didn’t like about it (and maybe you’ll get a thousand virtual hugs next time).
Okay, so Elliot is finished. But that doesn’t mean you should stop reading! I’ve got a whole new story lined up for you guys, so check back next Friday for it! Until then, here’s a little blurb to keep you in suspense…

Frank Chase and Alexis Wonders are Ashton Grammar’s alpha-couple. They’ve been going out since anyone at the school can remember. Together they have won Cutest Couple, King & Queen, Prince & Princess, and even Couple Most Likely To Marry at every single event on Ashton’s social calendar. They never seem to fight and whenever anyone has a relationship problem, they’ll go to either of them, because they always knew exactly what to do.
So when Alexis and Chase start fighting, no one can help them. They’re the one you go to with a problem, right?

Enter Bryan Carver. Chase’s best friend, he’s quiet, sensitive and imperfect. He seems like the exact opposite to the wonderful Chase, and may be exactly what Alexis needs.
So what will happen to our alpha-couple? The King & Queen? The Prince & Princess? Together forever, or just high school sweethearts?

Elliot - Chapter 21

2008-09-12T17:48:00.001+10:00

At the start of this story, I said you should stop reading because it wasn’t going to have a happy ending. Well, for those of you who are still reading and haven’t given up on me yet, thanks for following me right to my happy ending (okay, it’s not fantastically happy. There’s no riding off into the sunset or anything, so it’s still not too late for you to turn away).
I also said this wasn’t one of those stories where the boy somehow gets the girl to fall in love with him. I guess I lied there too. I have no idea what I did, or how I did it, but somehow, I managed to get Elli to fall in love with me. She broke up with Sean. Sure, he threatened to do a lot of things, but then she said she’d get Jack onto him, and he left her alone.
As for Jack, since Elli moved away she no longer has to put up with him. I keep telling her she should turn him in to the police, but she wants her mum and her brothers and sister to have a good lifestyle, something that’ll be taken away from them if Jack is put away.
My parents are still iffy about me being with Elli because they know nothing about her except that she “forced” me to wag school, but since I finished my exams they’ve been reasonably nice to me. I guess they don’t want to lose me again so they’re trying to come to a compromise (as in, letting me move out of home).
Elli and I are currently living in our tiny little apartment (it’s more like just one room), eagerly anticipating the scores from our final exams. Well, I am. Elli doesn’t seem to care that much about hers and constantly tells me that I should do the same, or that “you’ll be fine, Connor!”
Our futures pretty much depend entirely on that tiny little letter that comes in the middle of December. But whatever happens, wherever we go, whoever we meet, we’ll still be together.
There’s still something else. I still don’t know what it is.
I still don’t know what it is about Elliot Cambridge.

Elliot - Chapter 20

2008-09-05T17:52:00.000+10:00

I had no idea where I was going. I just walked. It was dark and getting cold, so I pulled my hood up over my head, I guess in an attempt to look intimidating or something.
When I was younger I used to take long walks out to this duck pond hidden in a reserve behind the back streets. I’d take some old bread with me to feed the ducks and sit on the edge of this bridge, my feet dangling above the water, just thinking. Sitting and thinking.
So I decided I’d go to that pond.
As I approached it, I noticed a figure standing on the bridge, smoke emitting from its mouth. Pothead, I thought to myself. I walked a little closer, and saw that it was a girl. She stretched one of her arms upwards to shake her sleeve off her watch. The top she was wearing lifted with her arm, revealing dark gashes across her lower back.
“Elli?” I whispered at her back in the darkness.
She turned around to look at me, her face dark and her eyes bloodshot. She exhaled, and a cloud of white smoke was emitted from her thin lips. She rubbed her nose. Her dark brown hair danced across her eyes, and her cheeks and nose were flushed.
“Connor…” she whispered.
“Are – are you okay?” I asked her, frowning.
She sniffed and nodded, before bringing the joint to her mouth again. “Yeah.”
“You’re smoking pot. You’re not okay,” I told her.
She shook her head and sniffed again. “I… It’s just… Sean…”
She put her right hand on the railing of the bridge and stared out at the water, away from me. With her other hand, she brought the joint back to her mouth, taking in the effects of the pot, chasing her troubles away.
I leaned on the railing with both my elbows, my chin in my hands. I could smell the pot, and I didn’t like it, but I let her continue anyway.
“We… We got into a fight. Again,” she said, sniffing.
I assumed she’d gone to see him in the time I had been yelled at by my parents.
“Oh…” I said slowly. What else was I suppose to say?
“I went over there to…” She bit her lip. “I just couldn’t let him get away with doing that to you.”
It hadn’t struck me just yet that he’d beaten me up only hours earlier. Time had passed so quickly since then.
“But then he told me he slept with a girl in his History class,” she said. “And he blamed me. Said I’d been spending too much time with you.”
Suddenly, she was pouring her heart out to me. But she wouldn’t look at me. I didn’t say a word.
“He’s always saying –” she took on a deeper voice, attempting to imitate Sean’s, “– ‘I love you Elli, I’ll never leave you,’ and other shit, but does he really mean it? He doesn’t know how much I cared about him. It doesn’t matter to him.” She sniffed again, and took another drag of pot, breathing white smoke and the smell of marijuana everywhere.
One part of me felt no sympathy for her. She’d done the exact same thing to him with me, hadn’t she? She’d slept with me but stayed with him and even though she never told him about it, I’m pretty sure anyone could have guessed there was something going on, even if they were as empty-headed as Sean.
But another part of me hated the whole situation. It was one thing to beat me up after Elli had cheated on him with me, but to go and hurt her… I couldn’t stand it. I hated the idea of Elli being hurt by anyone. She should never have had to go through half the things she endured in her life, especially since most of them involve her being hurt for no real reason.
And I should have been her saviour. I wanted to be her saviour.
I reached out and put my hand on top of hers on the cold railing.
She slowly turned to look at me, then at the joint, then back at me.
She dropped it on the ground and kicked it off the edge of the bridge. It fell, a trail of pale white smoke following it. As it hit the surface, the water rippled around it. I watched, and the sluggish, weak current took it under the bridge.
Elliot looked up at me and smiled weakly. It was at this moment I realised just how she really felt about me, because she stretched her arms up around my head and planted a kiss on my cold lips.

Elliot - Chapter 19

2008-08-29T17:38:00.002+10:00

When I opened my eyes Elli was still clutching me, and we were lying on the concrete at the back of the school. It looked like late afternoon, with the sun peeking over the rooftops of the houses behind our school. We walked home without saying a word.
When we finally reached my house, Elli turned to look at me front-on. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Okay. Bye, Connor.”
I looked at her, and she leaned in to kiss me. Just lightly, but she still kissed me.
I walked to my front door and entered to meet a familiar scene.
“Mum, Dad!” I said. “You guys aren’t supposed to be home for…” I lifted my hand to check my watch, but I realised the screen had smashed when I’d fallen to the ground, after being beaten up by Sean.
Their anger-slash-shock-slash-fear about their son probably worsened by far when they saw me enter, with my face bloody and bruised. I limped over to the table where they were sitting. My leg was still healing from “flying” the other week.
I sat down. Nobody said anything for a while. Then my father spoke.
“We aren’t happy with you, Connor,” he said, his voice grave.
And they could have just told me that they weren’t happy with me, but instead they dragged it out. They wanted to say all this stuff about never being at home, going crazy, work suffering and phone calls from the school.
And then there was “that girl”.
“That girl” seemed to come into it a lot. I guess they thought that somehow Elli had influenced me and convinced me to wag school and run around out of control and get beaten up. And, come to think of it, Elli was the reason for most of it.
But really, what were they going to do about it if she was? They couldn’t just stop me from seeing her.
When I voiced this, it was the first thing I had said for a while, and they both looked kind of shocked at my retaliation.
My mother’s tone changed when she spoke next. “Connor, we’re just worried about you. We fear that this is really affecting your studies and that you might not be able to catch up again after this.”
I stared at the table. The dark brown grains seemed to have manoeuvred themselves so they looked like a love heart. I had never noticed that before.
“Why would you do this to yourself?” My dad asked me. “Things were going so well for you.”
I stared at him. “Things weren’t going well at all!” I exclaimed. “Before Elli came, I was a loner. I spent my lunchtimes in the library and I only liked school because it meant I was learning, but all the time I wanted to be at home, away from that hell.”
“But your work was perfect. You were a straight-A student in everything. Now you’re getting Cs and Ds and some Bs if you’re lucky. But the As have disappeared, Connor. And so has our trust in you,” my dad said to me. “You’re never at home and we don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t think it’s fair on either of your parents that you’re being so selfish and sacrificing your future. And for what? A girl?”
I stood up.
“First of all, Elli is not just “a girl”. She’s…different. She listens to me. She cares. And you didn’t have to do anything like that. I don’t need you to do anything for me any more. I can look after myself, you know.”
I turned around and headed for the door.
“And don’t bother waiting up for me. It’s just an inconvenience for you.”
Then I slammed it. Hard.
It hurt to yell at them like that, but at the time it felt good. I guess I’m just an angst-y teenager. I need to let off steam like that. But all my life, I had let them tell me what to do. I had been the good little boy. I had gone home and finished all my homework on the first night I got it because they wanted me to.
I just wanted them to know that I am my own person and that I can look after myself. They shouldn’t be monitoring their son’s every move.
Months later, during my final exams, I came to a realisation that I needed my parents, no matter how much I loved Elli or how much I hated their constant badgering about grades and school and homework. I discovered that no girl was ever going to replace the kind of love you receive from your parents, even if she was as special as Elli. But this was still to come.

Elliot - Chapter 18

2008-08-23T12:11:00.002+10:00

That Friday, I went to first period English because I needed some notes for my essay.
I had just left the school to go to Elli’s house and was walking past the park when a heavy blow came at the side of my head. “Don’t you –” Punch in the left cheek… “– ever –” Punch in the right cheek… “– come near –” Punch in the chin… “– my girlfriend –” Punch in the nose… “– again!”
I fell to the ground. Through the red mask over my eyes I could see Sean standing above me, his crew cut shining in the sunlight.
I can’t really remember what he said next because I was just grasping consciousness, but the message was clear: “Go back to school, where you belong, you nerd.”
He kicked me hard in the stomach again before throwing his cigarette on the ground next to me and storming away from the school.
I was winded and bleeding and bruised everywhere, but I just lay there. I didn’t care any more. I just couldn’t care. Everything I did had to have a consequence. I could never have anything. It just wasn’t fair. If I was smart, I had no friends. When I had a friend, I wagged school. When I tried to create a balance (by going to some of school and then wagging), I got beaten up.
Elli must have been pretty worried about me though because she came to school to look for me.
“Oh my God, Connor!” she ran up to me. She looked so beautiful in her jeans and oversized black t-shirt.
I groaned. It was the first noise I had made in what seemed like hours.
“Who did this to you?” she asked me, trying to help me to sit up.
I wanted to tell her. I wanted to scream it out. I wanted her to know she was in danger if she stayed with this guy, and that I was better for her, that I was the one she should be with. I would look after her. But then I realised I could hardly look after myself.
I just sat there and sobbed. The blood had dried and was cracking on my skin as I wrinkled up my face in emotional pain.
“Oh, Connor,” she whispered, before bringing me close to her in a hug.
It was at this point that I actually began to cry real tears. Real, salty, warm tears spilt down my cheeks into the darkness of her shirt.
I don’t know how long we were sitting there for, but it really didn’t seem to matter. Every moment I was with her seemed to last forever, but was all over too quickly.

Elliot - Chapter 17

2008-08-22T15:34:00.002+10:00

When I came to, Elli was standing above me, a towel in her hand and a worried expression on her face.
“Elli…” I whispered.
“Connor…” then she hit me. Hard. “You retard!” she yelled.
“What?” I asked innocently.
“You didn’t tell me you were so sensitive!”
I frowned. “Erm, it’s not like I knew.”
She groaned. “Are you okay now?”
“Yeah. I think… My leg kind of hurts.” I told her. She was leaning over me and I couldn’t see my leg.
“I think you twisted it. Does this hurt?” she asked, and proceeded to touching my leg in different parts to see where it hurt.
“No, no, OW, yes! Oh my God!” Then, I saw the bandage on my left calf. “How the hell did I do that?” I exclaimed, hysterical.
“You jumped from the tree and kind of fell into some bushes” she told me.
“That doesn’t explain how I got that!” I yelled, pointing at it.
“Yeah, well, Brian left the garden shears out. I’m really, really sorry. I’m sure we’ll be able to pay for your hospital bill.”
“Hospital bill?!” I exclaimed. “You can’t take me to a hospital! My parents’ll find out!”
“Sshh, the nurses will hear you,” she hissed.
“What?!”
“I’m sorry, Connor. I didn’t know what to do!”
“Have they called my parents yet?” I asked her.
“No, they called my mum. It’s okay.”
“Why’d they call your mother?” I asked her, still alarmed.
“Oh, yeah, that’s another thing…” she muttered. “I told them your name was Elliot Cambridge and gave them all my details as yours. Don’t worry. My mum won’t mind. And if she doesn’t mind, Jack shouldn’t mind. He’ll pay for it and your parents will never have to know.”
“Won’t you suffer from it though?” I asked her.
She shook her head. “Don’t worry about me, Connor. Get some rest.”
I know she told me not to worry, but I worry about Elli. All the time.
I know that she was punished for what she did. I know when she went home with her family she got beaten. So did her mum. She didn’t come to school on Monday, but she came on Tuesday with a black eye, bruises on her wrists and gashes on the backs of her hands. And I know she must have had some on other parts of her body too. The worst part of knowing all of this is knowing that I can’t do anything about it, that I have to go on knowing Jack abuses them and he won’t leave them alone. I can’t tell Elli I know because she’d be hurt and then she wouldn’t want to talk to me and there would be nothing worse than that.

Elliot - Chapter 16

2008-08-15T17:20:00.000+10:00

Every Friday after that, Elli and I would wag school and go somewhere. During school we’d look at each other from across the room, exchanging just-noticeable smiles, so as not to give away anything to the surrounding students. We had a secret affair, and it was fun.
Sometimes we’d go to class in the morning or to last period if we got back early, but for the most of it, we’d just leave. We’d go to her house, or my house, or the city, or the beach, or to the park. It didn’t matter where we went, or what we did, as long as we were together. Nothing really mattered any more. We were free. It was fun. It was a part of life I had never known, and I began to wonder what other things I was missing out on.
I voiced this, and Elli gave me a joint.
We were sitting in this tree house her dad had built for Caroline and her not long before he left. Elli pulled out a snap-lock bag full of what looked like dried plants, and rolled some of it into a small piece of white paper, licking the edge to seal it together.
“Take it, Connor. You’re not going to die if you take it.”
“Yeah, but, it’s still pretty dangerous to my health.”
She grinned. “Always being the good boy, Connor,” she teased.
“Yeah, well, it is illegal.” I told her.
“Mm-hm, so’s J-walking, downloading music from the internet, wagging school, drink driving, and rape.”
“I never raped anyone!” I said to her.
“I didn’t say you did, did I?” she kept grinning. “Look, I’m not asking you to take an eighth home and smoke it all tonight. I’m just offering you a little bit. You really don’t have a whole lot to lose.”
She opened my palm and placed the joint on it, before picking up a lighter and holding it in front of my face, alight.
I put the joint in my mouth and moved so the end was just touching the flame. The weed was sweet, and filled my mouth with its taste and my whole with wonderful feelings. I could feel Elli’s presence somewhere in the room and I could hear the wonderful brown of the wood around me. Everything was just so…significant.
I moved over to the door.
“Connorrrrrr…” I heard Elli say. “What are you doiiinnnnggggg?”
The ground was so far away. But I knew I didn’t need the ground. Wings sprouted from my back and I was ready. Ready to take flight. I just needed a small boost, and this branch seemed perfect. Yes.
“Connor! Come back!”
I flapped my wings once, twice, three times, I was off.

Elliot - Chapter 15

2008-08-08T16:52:00.002+10:00

I crossed the road and entered my house at midday, to find both my parents sitting at the dining table.
My first instinct was to turn around, open the door and run away, but the rational side of me decided to stay.
They were looking at me in a way I’d never seen them look at me and they both bore the same, stone cold expression.
“Connor,” my mum said, “sit here.”
I continued to stand at the door.
“Now, Connor,” she said, her eyes stern.
I was pretty stunned that day. My parents had never had to reprimand me before, so they were probably in shock when the school called them to tell them they were worried about the amount of class I was missing (as in, two days). The shock must have worsened when I came home more than twelve hours after my curfew, dressed in my wrinkled suit with my buttons done up the wrong way.
So they rambled on about how important my final year is, and how much they’d hate to see me mess up this one shot I had (they didn’t even bother asking for my justification, not that I had any).
I don’t really know what happened after that – whether my parents lost their trust in me, or if they just thought that everything would sort itself out – but I knew that it was not the last time that it would happen. I knew that that was not the last time my parents would feel like they had to give me a talking-to, like they had to try and drill some sense into me.
And I was right.

Elliot - Chapter 14

2008-08-01T16:52:00.002+10:00

I opened my eyes to a flash of bright sunlight coming in from the gaps in the blinds. I don’t have blinds like that, I thought to myself slowly. I felt confused and my head was throbbing.
I suddenly realised there was an arm over my bare chest. Not even thinking about where I was or who I was with, I started.
The figure in the bed next to me stirred. “Connor?” it said groggily.
“Elli,” I exhaled with relief, my head catching up to me and reminding me about everything that happened last night.
“You okay?” she asked me.
I nodded.
She lifted her head up, her dark brown hair covering her face. I pushed it off. Her makeup had smudged in her sleep, causing her to have black marks around her eyes and blotches on her cheeks.
“You should probably clean your face up,” I whispered to her.
You’d think that she would have been offended, but she wasn’t. Actually, you’d think that I would have known better than to tell a girl that her face looked bad, but like I said, I had zip knowledge of any kind of social decorum. Anyway, she just nodded and left the room. I lay down, staring at the ceiling. My head was hurting. She came back from the bathroom, her hair up in a bun at the back of her head and her face clear.
“How are you feeling?” she asked me.
“I have a headache,” I muttered, rolling over in the bed.
She smiled. “That’s so cute, Connor.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice muffled.
“Your first hangover.”
“Shut up,” I said into the pillow.

Elliot - Chapter 13

2008-07-31T16:55:00.002+10:00

I think she was slightly more intoxicated than I was, so I drove the Mustang – slightly drunkenly – back to her house. Lucky the road was pretty empty.
“I’ll see you on Monday?” I asked her as we pulled into her driveway and I fell out of the car.
She didn’t reply.
I was about to turn around and stumble across the road to go home. The ground wouldn’t stay flat and all I wanted to do was collapse into my bed.
But then she said my name:
“Connor.”
I’m pretty sure I’m a sucker for any girl that would say my name, but Elliot… The girl I had loved from afar for 12 years… I had to turn around.
“Connor, wait.”
I couldn’t just leave her there. She looked so helpless and small, all alone in the dark in that beautiful dress, the big curls around her face blowing gently in the wind.
We stumbled into her house and I sat on her bed. The light was dim, and it was much warmer in her house than it was outside. It still had that sour smell from a couple of weeks ago.
Elli came into the room from putting her shoes away and sat next to me, our thighs touching. I started to tremble all over, and my body was suddenly drenched in sweat. I looked away from her, at the ground, but when it started rushing toward me and my stomach turned over, I was forced to look up again, right at her.
And then she leaned over and kissed me. I was in shock. My eyes were still open, staring at hers, which were shut. I could taste the Midori in her mouth. I hate moments like this. In movies they always talk about how the first kiss makes you feel like you’re on top of the world, but it doesn’t, because you’re too shocked and your eyes are still open and you can’t help thinking about the mechanics of it all – am I using enough tongue? Am I using too much? Are my teeth in the way?
I couldn’t believe it. It had finally happened. That kiss meant that Elli and I were something now. Something more than two people that skipped school a few times together. And all I could do was worry about my teeth. I thought she would put me in the ‘horrible kisser’ category, but…well, she didn’t.
At that very moment, a part of me felt like I had to pull away. I wanted her, yes, but not like this. Not when we were completely drowned in alcohol and certainly not when she was feeling vulnerable because she’d been felt up by some 25-year-old guy.
But another part of me felt that maybe this was the only way I would ever be able to have her. I know it sounds immoral, but at the time I just wanted to be with her so desperately that I didn’t care how much she’d had to drink as long as it meant that I could get what I wanted.
I learnt three things that night: one, if Jack wants something, he will do anything to get it; two, I’m not a horrible kisser (although that doesn’t necessarily make me a good kisser either); and three, I really like Corona.

Elliot - Chapter 12

2008-07-30T17:58:00.004+10:00

My arm was wrapped around Elli’s waist as we entered the party to see a proliferation of men, ranging in age from mid-twenties to early fifties. Elli and I went over to the bar to get drinks.
I’ve only had alcohol a few times in my life, like when my parents give me wine at their conventions and Christmas parties, but all those times it’s only been a sip.
“What would you kids like?” the bartender asked us.
Elli opened her little black purse and dug around inside it for money. “I’ll have a …” she looked up at the menu. “Get me a Green Mountain.”
“And you?” he turned his attention to me.
“Uh,” Oh God, I know nothing about alcohol at all…I thought to myself. Okay, I’ll just get a beer… “Can I have a beer? Corona?” My father drinks Corona beer, so I figured there was nothing wrong with me following suit.
“Okay. One Green Mountain, one Corona, coming up shortly.” He told us.
Elli turned around, leaning her back on the bar. I rested my elbow on the bar.
“You drink Corona?” she asked me.
“Uh, yeah, when I can, yeah.” I let out a nervous laugh. I just didn’t want to seem like I was in desperate need of a copy of Alcohol For Dummies.
When the bartender had served us our drinks, two men came over to talk to us. One of them was Jack, wearing a grey suit and shiny black shoes, his dark brown hair stuck to his round head. The other I didn’t recognise at all, but he was a lot younger, and his dark blonde hair was straight and pointed forward, framing his face.
“Ah, Elliot,” Jack said.
Elli forced a smile and spoke through gritted teeth. “Hi, Jack.”
“You remember Lawrence?” he asked her, gesturing to the younger guy next to him.
Elli kept the forced smile. “How could I forget?”
Lawrence outstretched his hand. Elli put her bag under the arm that was holding the drink and shook hands with him. “How’ve you been?” he asked her.
She shrugged. “Same old, same old.”
“Ah, yes, I know how it is.” He laughed.
Elli forced a smile.
“This is Connor,” she said, gesturing to me. “He’s my date.”
They both looked me up and down, but neither offered his hand. I nodded in greeting.
Jack turned his attention back to Elli. “Well, we have to go meet with Penelope now; she’s the representative from Financial Review. We’ll catch up with you later, won’t we, Lawrence?”
Lawrence nodded, and winked at Elli.
The second they turned their backs to leave, Elli let out a relieved sigh.
“You okay?” I asked her.
“No!” she whined. “Don’t you get it?”
“Er, kind of.” She stared at me. “Okay, not really,” I admitted. In hindsight, I seemed so socially inept.
“Jack’s trying to set me up with that loser! Ugh!” She drained her Green Mountain and turned back to the bar. “Another one of these, please.”
She turned back to me. “Lawrence’s dad owns the diamond company that Jack wants to advertise for,” she explained. “And Jack’s competitor’s currently beating him, but if I go out with Lawrence then Jack will definitely get the pitch. And that’s all he’s after.”
I don’t know how many beers I went through before the room started to spin and the minutes turned into seconds. Everything started to blur together, but I distinctly remember Lawrence and Elli talking in a corner. I have no idea what he said to her, but he put his hand on her waist, and she jerked herself away and rushed over to me.
She touched my arm. “Connor,” she whispered, “let’s get out of here, please?”
I nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Elliot - Chapter 11

2008-07-29T17:14:00.001+10:00

The next Friday, we took the train into the city because Elli wanted to buy a dress for a business dinner party for Jack, which was the next night.
She tried on hundreds of them, I swear, and I was pretty bored by the end of it, but I liked seeing her trying on clothes. It was fun, and I got to spend time with her, which, I guess, was the main idea.
We walked back down the strip of Formal clothing shops. “I really liked that turquoise coloured one, back in Glu, but the pink one in Trix had a good hemline. Oh, and I have shoes that would go really well with the black one from LCD. Gosh, there are so many to choose from!”
I nodded, grinning. Elli wasn’t really a girlie-girl, so to speak, so it was funny to see her getting so worked up about buying a dress, especially for her step-dad’s dinner party, who she hates. I suppose she really liked it because he’d given her a whole lot of money so she could buy a dress and shoes, and he never really gives her money. He just does it so she’ll look good, and it’ll make him look good in front of his colleagues if he appears to treat his kids well.
She ended up choosing a dark red one, and a pair of black shoes.
We bought ice cream like little children and took the train back home.
We were both pretty tired after all the shopping, and so we sat silently. I was reading an abandoned newspaper and she laid her head on my shoulder. The carriage was relatively empty and the only sounds around us were the rattling of the train and the unidentifiable music coming from someone’s iPod with the volume up full blast.
“Hey, Connor,” Elli began suddenly, raising her head. I put the paper down.
“Yes?” I asked, turning to look at her now she was sitting upright.
“Do you want to go to Jack’s dinner party with me?”
“Huh?” I asked her. I didn’t really understand what she was talking about.
“As my date, I mean.”
“Oh… Gee, I don’t know.”
“If you don’t have anything to wear, it’s okay, I’m sure Jack would pay for a suit for you.” she said quickly, sensing my hesitation.
“No,” I said, “It’s not that. It’s just…”
“Just what?” she asked softly, her face creased slightly with worry.
“Well, what happened to Sean?” I asked. “Aren’t you two still together?”
“Yeah, we are. I just get kind of sick of him sometimes, you know? And I really like you.”
I sat up, excited by what I was hearing. This was the moment I had been waiting for. This was the very moment which I had fantasised about. Sure, I hadn’t envisioned it happening on a train. In fact, I’m pretty sure I had envisioned it happening anywhere but a train.
I had imagined she’d pull me aside after school. I had imagined we’d meet when walking to school. I had imagined she would come and find me, just to tell me how she felt. I had even imagined she would kiss me in the rain, like in a soppy romance film. Anything but on a train. But I guess you never get what you imagine…
“As a friend,” she finished.
… Or what you want.

Elliot - Chapter 10

2008-07-28T16:56:00.001+10:00

By the time we got home it was beginning to get dark, but my mother wouldn’t be coming home until later, and my father wasn’t in the country at the time, so I knew I was safe.
Elli pulled into my driveway and I just sat in the passenger seat for a while, staring down at my hands.
“Are you okay, Connor?” she asked me.
I nodded and looked at her, forcing a smile. “Yeah,” I muttered hoarsely. “Yeah, I’m good.”
She smiled back. “That’s good.”
I guess, looking back on it now, the truth was, I really didn’t want to get out of the car, because saying goodbye to Elli would mean having to go back to reality. Back to school, to parents, to being a loner…to the real world, I guess.
I put my hand on the door handle, but paused and turned back around to look at her. The pupils of her eyes had expanded because of the darkness, almost overtaking the bright green iris. “Hey, Elli?”
“Yeah, Connor?” she said.
I exhaled slowly. “Thank you.”
She smiled, but there was something in her eyes now that almost made her look sad. “No, Connor,” she replied. “Thank you.”

Elliot - Chapter 9

2008-07-27T12:05:00.001+10:00

“Woo-hoo!” Elli yelled as we headed down the freeway.
I grinned at her, laughing.
We were driving against the wind, our hair whipping out behind us and the red P-plate suctioned to the window in front of me swinging steadily from side to side.
Elli pulled her aviator sunglasses up onto the top of her head, letting them push her hair back, so I could see several sterling silver hoops running all the way from her lobe to her upper ear.
“When was the last time you went to the beach?” she asked me loudly, continuing to watch the road.
“Oh, gee, I don’t know, start of this year probably,” I told her, raising my voice above the rushing sound of the wind.
“Wow. Really?”
“Yeah. What about you?”
She wrinkled her nose. “When I was ten.”
I didn’t say anything. Elli deserved to go to the beach so much more than I did. And I went every summer. It’s funny how the people that truly deserve something never really get it. People that do good things in life always seem to get hurt, and people who sin never seem to be punished.
We arrived and Elli barely let me get my things out of the car before she grabbed my hand and we ran down the grass and the rocks to the sand. There weren’t many people around. Just a few oldies that wouldn’t have said anything to us even if they knew we were supposed to be in school.
Elli pulled her t-shirt off, revealing a white bikini with what looked like splattered blue paint on it.
“Nice bathers,” I told her. I took off the polo shirt I was wearing, leaving me in my skinny white pale chest and a pair of knee-length black board shorts with some random tan chequered patterns on them.
“Yours are better,” she told me. “Now come on, the water’s calling!”
She grabbed my hand with both of hers and pulled me over to the water. I ended up jumping in before her. It was cold, and goose bumps grew over my naked skin quickly.
Elli could see me shivering, and laughed as some of the water crept up over her feet.
“No, not funny!” I yelled at her, a grin on my face.
She nodded. “Funny.”
“Come on in,” I beseeched her, beckoning. “It’s not that bad.”
She raised a sceptical eyebrow at me.
“You’re going to come in anyway. You know it.”
She still shook her head, even though the water was almost up to her ankles.
Then I ran at her, wrapped my arms around her waist and dragged her into the water with me. I could hear her screams of laughter as we went down together.
I noticed that as I had pulled her into the water, there were several horizontal marks across her tanned back, a purple colour outlined with white where they had healed. I know it’s extremely rude to stare, no less at someone’s scars, but I couldn’t help it. I assumed these scars were from the lashings she had been forced to endure when Jack moved in. I was suddenly overcome by a vision of him grabbing her by the wrist and pushing her to the floor, screaming at her, blaming her for something that wasn’t even her fault, that was hardly avoidable, and then striking her with a whip. The scars looked like they had been there for a long time.
She surfaced after I did, gasping for air, a wide smile on her face. She didn’t even realise the sombre air that I had taken on since looking at her scars. “Oh, that’s it, Connor, you’re going down!”
I let her push me down by my shoulders, anything to keep her close to me, to keep her safe, while I could.
But then I realised that it wasn’t fair for me to make assumptions about her life, and that even if the psychologically damaging visions I had in my head were true, Elli was coping well. She had let them go and learned to deal with what had happened to her in the past, and I had to too.
We continued “drowning” and splashing each other for a little while, before we ran back up the sand to our towels and our bags. I always get paranoid someone’s going to steal my things when I’m swimming, but this time I had completely forgotten. Luckily, nothing had been taken. Not that there were very many people on the beach that would take things anyway.
I lay down on the sand, facing upwards, taking in the beautiful, sunny day, and the feeling.
It was so hard to describe. Even after being terrified of everything that I knew Elli had been through, I couldn’t help but think that her talking to me was the best thing that could ever have happened. And right then, right there, I felt like I had been pulled out of the real world, for just a day. For just one day, I was exempt from the pressure of school, or parents, or being a complete loner. And I owed it all to Elli.
Suddenly a grainy substance upon my chest broke my reverie.
“Wha – ?”
Elli laughed. “You want to get something to eat?” she asked me.
I shrugged. “Okay.”
So we went and got fish and chips from one of those stalls up over the rocks. We went back down to the beach and sat and ate.
We started playing Truth Or Dare, but the dares got way too extreme – Elli had dared me to “go kiss that old guy” – so it was really just Truth.
“Okay, umm,” she was saying, putting another chip into her mouth, “most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you.”
I stared at the grains of sand, thinking. “That speech on animals in grade three. I wet my pants,” I said, blushing as I finished my flake.
Elli laughed. “Oh, yeah! I remember that. Your turn.”
“Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?”
“There are way too many to choose from.”
“Just pick one,” I told her, picking up another chip.
“Probably the first time I got high. We were at the back of the school, and then I ran in and grabbed the microphone at the front desk and announced to the school that Sean was a dickhead. And all I got was a detention!” She laughed while I stared at her. “Don’t you remember that?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“Okay, my turn now.” She said. She chewed on her flake and stared out to the water. “Craziest thing you’ve ever done.”
I looked at her. “Wagged school to go to the beach.”
She turned to look at me and smiled.
I guess this was probably the moment in a movie where the boy kisses the girl, but unfortunately for me, my life is not a movie. I didn’t kiss her. I couldn’t. For one thing, she had fish in her mouth and for another, we were too far apart. She didn’t keep her eyes on me for all that long anyway.

Elliot - Chapter 8

2008-07-26T11:20:00.001+10:00

Elli pulled the top down of Jack’s 1972 Vintage Mustang, and opened the garage door.

I was frozen to the spot. What had Brian meant, I'd better watch out; Sean was a big guy? I couldn't shake the idea that I was doing something that was unethical, wrong, even conspiratorial.
A voice broke into my worry. “Come on, Connor! The beach is calling!” Elli was sitting in the front of the car, beckoning with one hand, the other on the steering wheel.
I shrugged off all thoughts about Sean and that I may have been doing something wrong. That crazy feeling that I was doing something continued to make its presence clear, somewhere in my mind, but I really didn't want to let it ruin my day. Instead I just grinned and got into the passenger seat, dumping my bag in the back seat.

I breathed in slowly through my nose. The car had that new car smell. The leather seats were slippery underneath my legs and the car emitted a low rumbling sound as Elli started the engine. It was pretty nice.
Elli backed it down the driveway before getting out to shut and lock the garage.
Then we were on our way.

Elliot - Chapter 7

2008-07-25T19:29:00.000+10:00

I decided it would be too risky to wear my school uniform to the beach because someone was bound to see me and report me to the school. I couldn’t risk having “wags school” on my permanent record.
After I had changed and gathered my things, we went back to Elli’s house where she packed her bag and stole her step dad’s keys from the kitchen.
I had never been in her house before, but it looked very different from the outside. The exterior of her house oozed affluence, with high white pillars before the front door, and a neat lawn with several rosebushes strategically placed so that the birdbath in the centre could be seen by everyone that drove past. However, the inside was messy. There were clothes, books and papers everywhere, and it smelt sour, a little like expired milk.
“Hey, Mum, I’m taking Jack’s car,” Elli told the sleeping lump on the couch in her lounge room. A half-eaten sandwich sat on a yellowing newspaper on the coffee table in the centre of the room, amongst more books and what could have been a plush toy, but also could have been a dead rat.
We walked around to the door leading to the garage. Elli’s hand was on the doorknob when…
“Where are you going?” said a voice.
We turned to see Elli’s half brother, Brian, standing in the hallway, wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a black trucker cap.
“That’s not the point.” Elli told him. “Why aren’t you at school?”
“Fuck school,” he jeered, scowling. “We have a Maths test today anyway.”
Elli nodded. “You’d better go tomorrow.”
“You better go tomorrow, bitch,” he said. “Where are you going now? And what happened to Sean?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Can I come?” he asked.
Elli repeated the four letter word. “Fuck off, Brian! I’m leaving now. Stay home, okay? And try not to wake Mum up. She looks really stressed.”
“She always looks like that.”
She ignored him. “Is anyone else at home?”
“Liam might be. I think he has a test today too.” Brian shook his hair out of his eyes and readjusted his cap, before starting to turn around. “Have fun,” he muttered sardonically.
Just before he began walking up the stairs, he looked at me and muttered, just loudly enough for me to hear, “You better watch out; Sean’s a big guy.”

Elliot - Chapter 6

2008-07-18T17:51:00.000+10:00

Elli came to my house the very next day.
“What do you have today?” she asked me quietly, as if there was someone else in the house, listening to us and monitoring my every move (which, by the way, there was not. My parents had both left for work and I have no siblings).
“English, Chemistry, Double Physics, Biology, and… Spesh,” I told her, raising an eyebrow. “Why do you want to know?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Screw it.”
“Huh?”
“Want to go to the beach?”
“What?”
“I asked you if –”
“Yeah, I know,” I interrupted her. “I heard you. But why? We have to go to class.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like going to class. I feel like going to the beach.”
I stared at her, and then at the window. “Why don't you just ask Sean?” I muttered.
She snorted. “Sean won’t go with me. Look, Connor. It’s not hard. We can take Jack’s car. He won’t notice. He never does.”
Jack is Elli’s step dad; the one that beats them.
“What about the school? Don’t they have records?” I asked her.
“Do they?” she asked me, her voice surprised.
“I thought they did.”
“They don’t, as far as I know. My parents never know when I’m not at school.”
That’s probably because your parents don’t care, I thought.
“Elli,” I said slowly, trying not to make her mad, “as much as the beach sounds like fun, we have to go to school. Plus, you’ve only known me a day. Why do you want me to wag school with you?”
She looked slightly offended, but obviously not enough to start yelling at me because she said, “Connor, I’ve known you since you were five. Haven’t you noticed?”
I frowned. “No. You’ve only ever said one word to me!” I really hadn’t meant to say that – it just sort of slipped out.
“I still noticed you. You cared,” she told me, touching my arm.
I felt like I needed to go to the toilet again, but I stayed. “Not enough to ever help you.”
“So? You wanted to; I could see it in you. And I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to thank you.”
“What the hell for?”
“For caring, Connor.
“In Kinder, when all the girls excluded me from playing with their dolls, and all the boys laughed at me because I have a boy’s name, you were there, with this look in your eyes, like you wished there was something you could do.
“And in Grade 3, when Mrs Waltham accused me of writing the F-word on the board in blue chalk, you admitted to it. Yes, she didn’t believe you, but the point is that you tried.
“In Year 9 Art, you put up my chair for me because I had to carry my wet painting with both my hands and the bell had already rung. You watched me, with that same longing look in your eyes because you wanted to save me from the hell I was born into.”
I was so shocked she knew so much about me I just stood there, staring at her, unable to say anything.
After a while she callously broke the silence, as if she hadn’t just repeated my entire life story back to me. “So are we going to the beach?”
“Just let me get my towel.”

Elliot - Chapter 5

2008-07-12T10:58:00.000+10:00

She walked home with me that day, and we talked about everything from school to television, from friends and family to music, and all the laugh-and-cry moments in between. She was really different to how I thought she would be. I had always kind of had this image of her built up in my mind that she just didn’t care about anything. I thought she just brushed things like school and friends and family off her skin-and-bone shoulders.
We stopped outside of my house.
“This is your house, yeah?” she asked me.
I nodded. I was lost in thought, still wondering exactly how much she knew about me.
“Are you okay?” she asked me, giving me a sideways look.
I nodded again. “Yeah. I’m just…kind of surprised.” Part of me didn’t want to say that second bit. But another part of me wanted to be honest with her. She was so mercurial that today might have been the only day she would ever talk to me.
She let out a little laugh. “Why?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. You never talk to me. Why did you just suddenly sit next to me after lunch?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. You’re always really quiet, and you never seem to talk to anyone. I’m curious. I want to know more about you.”
I stared at her.
“If that’s okay,” she added slowly.

Elliot - Chapter 4

2008-07-04T17:45:00.000+10:00

“Hey,” I heard a voice say behind me as I was heading for my locker. I turned around.
“Uh…” was all I could say.
“You’re in my Chemistry class, aren’t you?” Elliot asked me, twirling her pen in her left hand.
Of course I am. I thought. Have you never noticed me? I nodded slowly. “Why?”
She grinned. “Aren’t I allowed to ask you to walk with me?”
We reached my locker and I twirled the numbers on my lock. Left, 11, left, 26, right, 17. Elliot leaned on the locker next to mine and bit the top of her pen. I pulled out my Chemistry text book. I pushed the door shut and made sure it was properly locked, before walking with her to class.
She flicked her straight brown hair over her shoulder and grinned at me. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and her cheeks slightly flushed.
“So… Big Chemistry test soon, huh?”
I grimaced. I should have known. She was after me for help, or answers, or some form of getting them via my “intelligence”.
I sighed and looked at her. “What do you want?”
Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “Nothing. Just commenting on the fact that we do have a Chemistry test, and we have Chemistry class now.”
I began to tell her that she didn’t have to pretend she didn’t want answers, because I was willing to let her have them anyway – I always am. “Elliot –”
“I hate that name.” She interrupted. “Call me Elli.”
I opened the door and we entered the classroom.

Elliot - Chapter 3

2008-06-27T17:28:00.000+10:00

The real story actually begins two days after I turned eighteen, on May 11th. I came in from lunch, early as usual, and sat right at the front of the class. Slowly, one by one, the Year 12 Specialist Maths class filed in, filling up the back row, before the middle row, with two guys that were late sitting five seats to my left.
I sighed and took out my Math book, flicking to the chapter we were working on.
I had just finished my second question when the door flew open, followed by a gust of wind that blew my hair off my forehead. I looked up to see Elliot in the doorway.
“Elliot Cambridge. Late again, I see?” Mr. Wood stared at her.
Elliot rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Whatever.”
She threw a tattered exercise book and a text book on the table next to me and turned looked at me. I refused to look right at her, but I could see her staring at me out of the corner of my eye.
“Connor, right?” she asked, her voice sweet, as always.
She knows my name!
I didn’t want to look at her, because I could feel sweat running along my thighs and I was beginning to shake. I didn’t want to seem rude, though, so I looked up from my book slowly.
“Uh… yeah,” I answered.
She smiled. Her teeth were perfectly straight and white, but her bright green eyes were bloodshot and she had black smudges beneath the bottom lids. “Can I sit here?” she asked me.
“Uh, sure,” I stammered, gesturing to the seat next to me, trying to be casual. I had waited twelve whole years for her to speak to me!
I breathed in through my nose slowly as she sat, trying to calm myself down, and that’s when the awfully sweet, tangy smell of pot hit my nostrils.
She had probably left the school with Sean again, and the both of them often did. They would go to her house, and abuse each other and their bodies before finally coming back to school.
“What are we up to?” she asked me.
“Chapter 10,” I muttered back, as I could feel Mr. Wood’s eyes on me.
“Okay.” She turned a few frayed pages of her book, passing a paper from not long ago. I could have sworn I had seen a red “99%” written on that paper.
The entire Maths class Elliot kept her head down, working hard. She never once seemed to have trouble with anything. She just worked and worked, her left hand guiding the pen as it skidded across the paper.
Then the bell went, and she was first at the door.
I was so glad. I really needed to go to the toilet.

Elliot - Chapter 2

2008-06-20T17:31:00.000+10:00

I’ve known Elliot since we were kindergartners. She – that’s right, contrary to what you may have assumed, Elliot is a girl – has always had that same, dark look about her. The kids used to laugh at her because she has a guy’s name. I’ve always felt sorry for her, but, I could never once talk to her.
We were both in the same grade at the same Primary school. She once stepped on my foot when we were coming in from play lunch. “Sorry,” she had said. I think that’s probably the only word she has ever said to me, but that one word was heaven, and a moment I wish had lasted forever.
Her dad left them when we were two. I remember seeing him drive away from my bedroom window.
So her mum was alone for a little while trying to raise two kids – Elliot and Caroline – on her own. She remarried when Elliot turned three, and Caroline was five. The guy she married wasn’t very nice at all. He would beat them both, and treat the house and everything in it with complete disrespect.
Elliot’s mum had three kids with him.
Brian was born before they were even married. I don’t know him very well, and I hardly see him because he’s always wagging school.
A year later, they had another kid, Liam.
When Liam was two, Alex was born. She’s always been the quiet one, the one nobody dares question. Most people think she’s going to grow up crazy and sadistic in the head because she ripped the head off a doll.
Caroline’s the smart one. She moved out the second she knew she would be able to get a Youth Allowance, because she deserved a better life. They all do.
I know you’re probably thinking Elliot and her family would be so much better off without him, right? Wrong. He has all the money. And he uses it to control her mother. That’s how the kids are able to go to school, how her mother’s teeth look like they’re all still in place, how their house actually has furniture…you get the idea.
Elliot was almost fifteen when she started seeing this guy called Sean. I don’t know him very well, but I don’t like what I do know about him. She started going out with him because he has marijuana and he constantly gives it to her to smoke, in exchange for favours from Elliot. He doesn’t have any respect for her, and I have heard her threatening to leave him, but she stays with him because she needs him, she needs the pot. She can’t help it. It’s the only way she can escape the pains of her life. Without Sean or pot, she’d probably kill herself.
For the entire time I’ve known her, she’s lived across the road and three houses down from me.
And I don’t think she even knows my name.

Elliot - Chapter 1

2008-06-13T20:48:00.001+10:00

You know how you always get those stories where the boy meets a girl and somehow gets her to fall in love with him? Well, this is not one of those, so if you’re looking for a happy ending, you should probably stop reading right now.
But for those of you who are still reading, I guess I should probably introduce myself. My name is Connor Douglas. I have light brown hair and blue eyes and well… No one cares what I look like. In fact, no one really cares about me at all. Except perhaps my mother. Does she count?
Don’t answer that.
I go to some cheap school on the west side of town and I’m about the smartest kid in my year level, never mind my homeroom group. Admittedly, I’m probably not that smart, the rest of the school is just dumb.
This story isn’t entirely about me though. I mean, my life sucks and my best friend is my mother, but there’s something else. I don’t know what it is.
I don’t know what it is about Elliot Cambridge.